Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 and how it always feels like it's 2012 to me

I almost thought I'm celebrating the transition from 2012 to 2013, when I realise it's only a collection of heartbeats to 2014.

Time flies so fast when you're having fun.

So... 2013. I have done great in cleaning up my life. Eliminating the bad, getting out of unhealthy relationships, start working out, eating well. I really think I did well in 2013. So here's the list of 20 lesson I've learnt (and applied) in 2013:

1. Somethings are better left unsaid.
2. Being an idealist is more tiring than being OCD 24/7.
3. Money can buy happiness, but the things that matter doesn't have a price tag on them.
4. The best way to kill time is to do nothing but reverse crunches on the bed and pretend you have a pet cobra (just for fun).
5. Being openminded is key, but having boundaries is the essential alarm that goes with it.
6. There's no such thing as changes, we just suck at adapting.
7. A pair of a statement shoes is the only thing you need when it comes to being stylish.
8. You don't miss the person, you miss the situations when s/he was around.
9. Time heals all wound, all anxiety, all things actually, but it's the extra push that gets you through.
10. Every girl needs to have a strong eyebrow game and a self esteem of concrete so she's not bothered to watch a movie or dine alone.
11. Fit is the deal, being skinny hurts.
12. Listen to your heart and let the brain finish the process.
13. Bitchface all the way.
14. Embrace the butterflies, the sparks, the sudden heartbeats, the great feeling of hugging every single person in the room.
15. Everyone deserves to be happy and you should never be in their way.
17. Home cooked meal will always taste better.
18. Love shouldn't be spoken, it should be felt, and it should feel good.
19. Look for rightness. It only took one person to snap me out when I know the whole world is actually helping me.
20. Shoot for a flat stomach; even if you failed, you still got great arms, athletic shoulders, and probably squeeze in the bonus which is a thinner silhouette of your body.

(still shooting for flat stomach!)

Resolutions? My resolution for years to come is actually just one; be a better version of myself. I think it's easier to see everything in a big picture rather than listing it one by one on small details and at the end, you'll feel so good about yourself because if you achieve it, you'll learn so much more. Sure, learning a new language or do 100 squats a day sounds more realistic than my resolution, but things will eventually fall in place when you try to be the best that you can.

2014 will be very hard. It will be a bloodbath. I wish I could slow down because thinking it all kinda drives me insane. I think I'm not even ready for everything because I read UN as a screaming prefix un- not Ujian Nasional. I am still not ready for physics in any form and I couldn't bear to think how well I will do in UN. 2014 is less than half an hour away, and I'm bracing myself for anything. This is the year of my turning point and it will be so much bigger than having a new, awesome, pair of shoes.

Am I ready? Nope. I'm taking the biggest leap of faith to myself this year and I know that my resolution is really simple, but I have a lot of expectations I would like to indulge in the next years to come.

So here's to 2014... May the tears that I will shed, the sore that I got from laughing, the hugs and the hate and the time pulls me together, to a better version of me.

Oh! Number 16 was this:

Start letting the right people in. They're there for a reason and that reason is to wipe your tears and tell you that it's gonna be alright.

2013... It's been a blast! Not really sad though, I blogged 58,62% less than 2012! :D

Song of the year: definitely... Oh man. This is so hard. Err............. 


Hardwell's Dare You featuring Matthew Koma.
Either that, or Lana Del Rey's American.
Or Ariana Grande's Honeymoon Avenue.

BYE 2013!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Turning Twenty

Words cannot even describe how much gratitude I am feeling just by having her, even with the 300 miles apart.

Three class meetings, so has it been three years? The days are long but the years are awfully short, but with you it has never been short of happiness. 

I may not always be the good sister that will always listen, I may not always be the good friend that will always be so cheery when you told me about some news, I may not always be the good girl that follows the rules, I may not always be the bad girl that always breaks the rules, I may not be a good enough student to make you proud, I may sometimes be a little off-track with my things, my mistakes are repetitive, my flaws are cover-proof, but I will always know that:

You're like a sunflower in the middle of a sun kissed, green, vast meadow. You're like the gleam of lights that we see on the surface of the sea. You're like Cumulus, floating effortlessly in the sky. You're like coats of mascara that I will never leave home without. You're like a pint of ice cream in a post-breakup scene. You're like a bouquet of flower in a pre-date night scene.

You are comforting, uplifting, connective, and probably a million good things in the world that dissolves into one single human in the world.

You are getting older, but you'll be the same person to me: The one who I run to, the one who I vent my emotions to, the one who I ask about things, the one with more greens in her plate, the one who will (eventually) lead me to adulthood, the one who will always be there. I, too, will be the same person to you: your always little, your kepo-woman, your best friend, the girl who will be as dizzy as you will at that special day, the girl who eats way too much of red meat, the girl who's only a text, a phone call, or a tap away.

I know a lucky girl. She seems to have everything but turns out, there's one thing that she's lacking. Being a lucky girl that she is, God gives the missing part of her and it turns out to be a sister.

P.S. That lucky girl is me.

Saturday, December 14, 2013


Since everybody's not in town, and by everybody I mean everybody, I spent today cleaning and having a quiet day at home. It's still almost seven and I actually still can go out somewhere but the car is being borrowed and it's raining non-stop since this morning (I got two loads of laundry sitting in the machine because getting it out would ruin them) and it's just feels reaaaalllyy good to have no screw-y sound in the background.

I used to be so attached to my TV at times like this. It must be on, 24/7 at all costs and blackouts scare the hell out of me. But lately, Mom gave me options on either TV or internet and of course I chose the internet! Frikkin crazy. So... Yeah. I stopped binge-watching on The Kardashians, I lost track on Scandal and ANTM, I catch news by my phone and the paper. The only time the tv's on is either on movies or food channel. I have come to a point where TV sounds actually gave me headache. Well, maybe in a week I'd watch a thing or two (I think I can't wait on my Mom's approval to watch SATC on a DVD-basis, I don't want to miss out on a major it cult of the 90s!) like... I don't know. I can't make up something, I guess I'm off the TV too long :))

So when my friends told me to watch this this show, local, called Diam Diam Suka, I just don't know what to say because a) I never watched local soap operas before! The only time I was addicted to a show is when Glee went viral and a heart-throbbing me, patiently waiting for Darren Criss to recite lines and beam his amazing god-like persona and b) Gossip Girl put my standard really high on soap operas so I'm definitely hesitating. Turns out it's so hilarious and let's just say that I'm glad I don't like watching TV. I'm just really glad.

I'm so excited for The Hedon Trip. Oh wait. It's still half a year away! Alright. I'm so excited for New Years Eve. I don't know where actually I will be spending them but a busy fireworks finale is always a must have.


Thursday, December 5, 2013

I'll always be...

If you ask me, we go to the movies because we want to see fairytales. A sleeping queen woken by her true love's kiss. A princess who puts aside her jewels to make her way in the world. Lovers torn apart being brought back together. But life isn't a fairytale. And happy endings are few and far between. In life the young queen becomes a tyrant. And takes her subjects to war. So that's why we need movies. To remind us that, despite it all, love can still spring in the most unlikely of places. And that sometimes, even fairytales can come true.

P.S. Lol, yeah, I'm soooo bored studying for finals.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Bandung and the bits

It's that time of the year; Outdoor Study time. Until now, I still don't know why it's called Outdoor studying because we weren't really outdoors we're just outschool, if there's such thing. Plus, we're not actually learning something. I think field trip would've been more appropriate but hey, I'm not the one in charge so I really shouldn't care.

This year we actually went out of Bogor and Jakarta. My first was Bogor-Jakarta (IPB and UIN), second was Jakarta (UI and Dufan), and this year is Bandung (UNPAD and UPI, plus what so called Kunjungan Wirausaha to Lembang Floating Market).

I'd rather go to, like, Paris van Java (a mall. YES. A mall. Judge me) but it wasn't on the option when we chose yet the responsible teacher said "We will not go to Paris van Java because you guys chose the floating market." and I remembered I just sat there and thinking "What?! It's not even in the options?! If it was, I'd chose that over a heartbeat." I mean, it's more entrepreneur-esque than some funky floating market that we actually have (and way much cooler) (not naming names).

As usual, we went per bus and this year bus sucks. We usually have boys in our class in the bus. We did have boys though, but they're like, two years younger. School, if you're reading this, please continue that tradition because I kinda want everybody to suffer. I'm lucky enough to have fun chaperones, so... Fine. I'd be having fun with my girls anyway.

I did have fun. But, it's not as fun as having boys in the bus like the last two years. I sound really slutty right now, but believe me. Having boys in the bus would ensure us of having great music, laughing tons of laugh and getting some sleep on the road.

When we got to Unpad it was already late and I wasn't really listening because none caught my attention. My shoes though, demand some affection by being broken. Thank god for superglues.

When we got to UPI... It's a whole different story. I have a familiar face there, YAY! Yay for Kamal and his awesome schedule of lectures so he could actually be there. He kinda kidnapped me(?) and put me on trouble... He did showed me around UPI and it's huge. He showed me his classrooms and the library and the canteen. If it weren't for the surprise and the lack of my cellphone battery, I'd took lots of pictures of UPI and with him. After was the floating market and you could see mine (and gengless, 'duh) instavid reaction in my instagram page and let the pictures do the talking.

[ obligatory gengless and gengless+ selfies ]

[ teacher selfies because they're awesome ]

[ this needs one word only; best! Abiw's photobomb is awesome though. First picture 'hello people hello world Abiw's in the house yo!' second picture 'lol im done photobombing people']

[ I can't believe I'm saying this; I wouldn't be myself today if it weren't for this guy ]

It was great though, if you only think from the 'spending great time with my friends' side. And now... As for the finals...

Yeah. It's NBD that we didn't make our own exams and decided to use the expert mode exams. It's N-B-D.

(+) This is now your guide in life. Make a button of this to put on the sidebar as an appreciation, 'kay?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Working and staying

Perks of having a swolemate: you have no reason to quit. I've been working out regularly for almost a month now. Working out regularly as in slipping 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of lifting everyday, eating clean, thinking positive and surrounding myself with so much love and support so it would feel less tiring. I am also filling my schedule really tight, with only three free days a week so I wouldn't even have time to think about problems that I should not even have to deal with at the first place. I am definitely better than yesterday... I'm juggling a lot of things at once and I love the feel of it. My feeling that this year is going to end great is actually happening...


I feel like my studying intensity has cranked up a little bit high since I'm maintaining knowledge from both subjects. Each and every day, the desire to stay actually grows and all I've done is nothing but serving it a big amount of care and support. It's not that I don't want to leave... I feel better staying. I think this is the first time I'm sharing this thought out loud, because I've had so many question from others and what ifs from me, along the journey. What if I can't deal with a minus ten degrees? What if it's too scary and it's a handful to handle? What if I missed my Mom? What if I'm not supposed to go there, I mean, dear God Almighty can you show me something? What's more funny is that I factor 'friend' waaayyyy too often during situations, like will it hurt my friendship with A or am I still going to reach B quite easily when on the contrary, my friends are moving to every part of the world. I could just imagine how much fun and experience they will go through, and that my reasons of staying may seem a little bit scared and paranoid, but I actually want to stay...

Only for the first two or three years, though. But I guess that decision is final.

I want me to stay.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Queen of Di-saccharine

I tested my study-tenacity with several songs... I mean, I need to be exceptionally focused when it comes to studying. When I came across Lana, I gave it a try. I mean, it was my jam for most of 2012 for a reason, right? I put National Anthem on and was hooked, I kinda forgot I listen to other songs other than Lana's.

Not until recently that Lana has a major list of the unreleased ones and Queen of Disaster was my song of the week. I kinda can't wait for her next album; she's such a goddess.

This week was super sweet.

I can't remember anything though, but I know it was super sweet.

My best friend celebrated her first monthversary... I got a taste of the new Gingerbread Latte (I can't say that I like it though, holidays are just defined by venti, for kids, toffee nut latte on an early Sunday, catching a read and finishing homework) and to say that I'm ready for next week is actually perfect.

Today is cheat day (I think I'm the only one on the team who's established a cheat day, hahaha. He's so discipline when it comes to fitness and diet) and I finished a single serving cup of Coffee Haagen-Dasz only to be confused on the calories thingy. You know, the label. I'm used to english and 'calories' that the japanese readings confused the hell out of me.

I never thought a cup of ice cream would scare me this much.

P.S. Thank you, Kaskade.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Pride, Ego, Need, and Selfish Ways.

(I just wanted to say thank you)

I hope our path crosses someday. Someday. Just not today, tomorrow, the day after it and so on.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Ending October

All I knew is Alesso and Calvin Harris' Under Control is definitely the song of the month.

You gain some, you lose some is the most realistic quote ever.

My days has been nothing but BuzzFeed and relentless case of studying slash working out slash replying chats.

I've decided to focus on one thing more than the other...

But I definitely know that this month was awesome!

My dreams have grown into being featured in Kompas Sosialita to speaking in front of an audience in TED.

I have promised myself (and some other parties) that I will THIN myself out!

And Brina! Here's a reminder that...
a. You're turning 18 in six months. SIX MONTHS.
a.a. Feeling old already? YOU'RE NOT.
b. UN is only five months away.
c. So is that particular appliance test that you're dying to get your hands on.
d. But in the other hand, christmas is approaching in two months.
e. New Years Eve in two too.
f. Please don't give up in training those super awesome abs... You know (and he knows) that you hate the punishment.
g. Start looking around about infos on TOEFL-Prep!
h. You're never too busy. You just have a shitty priority.
i. Never give up. This video shows you why.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

*cough* No way *cough*

The sick bug has finally caught me. I have a sore throat 24/7 and it kept me from sleeping since Wednesday... I barely caught some sleep. And to think it doesn't effect anything at all, other than the sick-y throat and the breathing capillaries sucks. I'd switch this with a nonstop sneezing flu at any cost but who would actually want to be this sick?

(No pun intended. Seriously man, jokes aside)

Other than my sickness, everything is fine. My best friends and I made a special group on Line (we're unstoppable now) and this week was super fun... Minus the coughing. I watched Gravity twice and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, ate too much junk food, bloated my own body to a different kind of level, walked with an av. 2 miles? 3 miles? All that and top it off with the zero laundry I have done... The week's great!

I will spend tomorrow doing laundry (meh) and doing at least one of my movie homework... Aka the best homework ever.

P.S. I finally have my chance to be Jessa.
P.P.S. Fuck, they're taking the formal yearbook's photos in the next two days. That's it. Get me the #1 plastic surgeon in town. We need a quickie.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

What what what what.


Nothing excited is going on my life!!!

All I've been playing online scrabble, watching Girls on repeat, listening to Miley's new album (go ahead... Judge me while you can), browsing about yoga studios and eye makeup tutorials.

Can we just talk about me, graduating in a bit???

Our yearbook theme is movie scenes. Of course I'm hooked with my two bests and we're planning a scene from a TV show... Or a movie. It's still kind of a blur. Our graduation colour is maroon and gold. I'm planning to give away a bit of surprise baskets, I'm thinking of giving away bouquets, I don't know. If there's a site that I'm always on nowadays, it's Pinterest. I'm carefully building my 'graduation' board and it's a secret board. I don't know why I made that board a secret when my dream wedding board is public. Yours truly have a bad case of sorting her priorities.

Like, lip stain or eyelash curler? Wait, don't lash out reasons! This is supposed to be effortless!!

(I think I'm a bit overwhelmed on the graduation party more than the graduation itself)

I thought I'm just going to leave high school carelessly, thinking nothing but OMG FINALLY OUT, YAY???, jumping up and down because "we're freeeee bitches yay we're freeee" but no.

All I could think about is how am I going to stay in touch with these amazing people that made my high school period so damn fun?! Can someone press the pause button? It's going too fast!

I read a cheesy tumblr quote that said "good things must fall apart in order for better ones to exist" or something like that because I don't remember, but that quote is so true. I've lost some things... And god replaced it with better substitutes. Like my earphones.

The thing is, my earphone is not comparable to the friends I have now.

And to see how easy it was, detaching myself from people I used to know best makes it even scarier.

Could you just keep the scrabble, the jokes, the rumours, the cupcakes, the secrets, the bitchy stuff we made of people, the feelings, the songs, the scoldings, the lunchtime, the everything coming?

In the end, what you do, isn't going to be nearly as interesting or important as who you do it with. (JG)

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Click Click Click

I hate to be 'not blogging' because blogging is fun. Even though I just put up words and no pictures. But here's a recap of all the links I'm loving this week.

1. 23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert. I hate to self-proclaimed myself to things nowadays, but I just have to say that I never feel like I want to be 'productive'. I never bitch about not being productive, and I have low blood pressure. Don't summarise everything, though.

2. Isabel Marant for H&M Lookbook because FINALLY. H&M is available in this lovely country of ours and who doesn't love Isabel Marant?

3. Easy breezy lasagna. I think I'll put this on my next birthday bash.

4. Who doesn't watch Lizzie McGuire?! Come on, it's a cult classic for a child of 2000s. Where are they right now, though? Find out here.

5. La Parisienne. Garance Dore is Scott Schuman's girlfriend. You know, the famous Sartorialist.

7. Marc Jacobs is leaving Louis Vuitton so I'm just paying tribute to how much I used to go crazy when seeing his 2009 it bag

8. Taking a break from hardstyle and house has never been this peaceful.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Rocket high

I think the only disadvantage of being sky high confident is that you can hit the ground pretty quickly.

Well, I guess that happened to me a lot.

So I joined a competition at LBPP-LIA. It's about presentation. I mean... Sure, I speak good english. Nothing to be proud of in this subject. But sometimes anxiety eats me and I started to do something reaaallyyy impulsive. E.g. Talking like I'm being chased by greyhounds. Like, did you get me because that should've not happened because kids, that was crazy fast. So... Yeah. When you're basically judged by not just the ability of speaking English fluently but how well you do it in front of an audience and a set of judge... I'm kinda lol i'm so dead no one would understand me.

So I took deep breaths and started to build my presentation. From powerpoint. #geekchic. I was torn by two subjects, Homeschooling or Young and Inspiring Indonesians. 

I thought that they would be a number of Y&II titles going on, so having a Homeschooling and a controversial title (Why It Won't Work in Indonesia) was a great option for me. After talking with my friends, my Mom, my sidekick, I decided to choose the Y&II, with Stella Lowis as subject. I KNOW. It was so easy. She is so young and inspiring, but being based in Medan, she's not that well-known here. I shot her an email asking about the permission. I mean... If someone used my photo or my creation photo, or talking about me in a formal audience, it would've been nicer if I had known about it. 

She gave a thumb up and I'm just... Through the roof. With Vicetone's Tremble in the background.

I started collaging pictures, made the presentation. It was fun. I made cue cards, with cute fonts. I was nowhere near nervous, though I'm shaking a bit. If there are, like, 50 people joining, I'd be carefree as I can be. If I lost, I could've easily say crap like "There were a lot of people and they're so much better. This is not my time to win." and things. But fate skips my luck and decide that there's only fourteen people joining. Fourteen. That's like, a literal slather of embarassment if you didn't win. My ego was tingling and so did my nerve.

Ughhhh the pressure is so on. Ok. I'm not even thinking that winning is important. What's more important is presenting Ci Stella in the best possible way, and if it's not good enough, it's not good enough.


Being an enthustiastic contestant as always, I re-register first. First, like first first. I thought they will shuffle the numbers BUT NO. I am first.

Ok. Can't show them I'm nervous. You got nothing to lose and it's fineeeeee.

I went my fingers through my hair, reread my cue cards. Checked my shoes, smoothed my dress, putting my power blazer on, and the judges called a very familiar name aka MINE. I took the floor, and though there were glitches... It went fine. The questions I were expecting didn't popped up and they even asked about me. I guess that means I'm presenting Ci Stella fine? I don't know. I just don't know. 

I spent the next hour listening to the others' presentation and just... "Man it's a bunch of talent sitting here and presenting on panel." Almost everyone connected and have their own accents. At that point, my confidence hit rock bottom and I think a mini part of me gave up.

After the first round is completed, I decided to went home to study for midterms aka this week and just wait for the result from Maas.

I can't say I did perfect. I kinda wish I did sooo much better because I know I'm able to do that. Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with the result. It's just another lesson to learn from:)

Monday, September 23, 2013


Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.  
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior. 
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. 
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. 
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. 
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. 
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working. 
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. 
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

I did a funky, personality tests again. I love taking these. I guess as much as you, living your life and doing things the way you like it, being yourself and all that kind of shit, you never truly know who you are. I self-proclaimed myself a lot of times but then again, is it really me I'm proclaiming? If I had a shrink, she (no, believe me. It'll be a she even though I have a bit of a hard time trusting woman) will tell me I have a lot going on under my conscious because I do. I stress about bit of things that doesn't need to be stressed at all but apparently my subconscious can't handle me.

Take the test here.

I am currently; studying PAI, filling in my history task sheet, doing a lot of research and kepo-ing on my favourite subject ever, sock curling my hair, munching on dried nuts and semi sweet chocolate chips, trying to get a life by watching Arden Rose's Fall Haul and lust over her gorgeous face. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Violate my privacy

  • 1. Did you wake up cranky?
Lol always.
  • 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Yes. I'm seventeen!
  • 3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Both are kinda the same but I trust boys more when it comes to 'friends'. My best friends are all girls. 
  • 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
No. Constant bitchface. I won't even smile for people who know me.
  • 5. Can you commit to one person?
That I can do.
  • 6. How do you look right now?
A hot mess.
  • 7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Short boxers and the thin men shirts they sold in packages. Best. Baju Rumah. Ever.
  • 8. How often do you listen to music?
Every day, to and from school. 
  • 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
I wear shorts a lot. But if I had to choose it'll be... Jeans.
  • 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?
Nope. The big change is in 2014.
  • 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
An introverted social person. I mean, I love being alone but I still have friends.
  • 12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
So what?
  • 13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
I don't know. I'm not sure. I mean...
  • 14. Can you drive a stick shift?
  • 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
  • 16. Are you going out of town soon?
  • 17. When was the last time you cried?
I can't remember I'm too lousy.
  • 18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Who haven't?
  • 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Yes. Violet please.
  • 20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Tuition. I have a math class.
  • 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
SWEAT. The fact that I actually worked it out on Krida Day is unnerving.
  • 22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
I love my boy best friends; they're the bomb. They always got my back and they smell good.
  • 23. Are you nice to everyone?
  • 24. What are you sitting on right now?
My bed.
  • 25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Of course. 
  • 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
This is really violating my privacy... Hahahahaha.
  • 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Kak Fadia.
  • 28. Do you get a lot of colds?
I get tired but so far, no colds!
  • 29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
God no way.
  • 30. Does anyone hate you?
I guess. It's a plague.
  • 31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Of course.
  • 32. Do you like watching scary movies?
No way.
  • 33. Are you a jealous person?
Kind of but I'm working on it.
  • 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
None. Live with no regret!
  • 35. Did you have a dream last night?
Full on black.
  • 36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
Same one on number #31 plus a few girls best friend. But yeah, I kinda come back to #31.
  • 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
Good heavens. My plan is to go fast or to go very very slow. Marriage is scary and creepy and all the halloween things rolled into one. 
  • 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
Um, yeah, my mom loves me to the core.
  • 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I hope not.
  • 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
YES. Yesterday was perfect, thanks to the scoop of ice cream I bought.
  • 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
  • 42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
Nope, but it's so much better:)
  • 43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
Movies and air-popped popcorns.
  • 44. What’s the best part about school?
Friends you made, memories you made, experiences you tried.
  • 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
What kind of question is this.
  • 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
This is so me, circa 2003.
  • 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Best trips you've made are the ones that went down in memory lanes.
  • 48. Were you single over the last summer?
I'm single for the last three years! Can't believe I'm saying that out loud.
  • 49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Tasks and ice cream.
  • 50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
Not for me but he is a real keeper.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


I just don't get it BUT my hair is at its best when I am at home, when no one is looking, when I had my worst attire, while I am eating chips with a jar of hummus.

Life is so mean sometimes?

Anyway. I'm here to rant about my tiredness. Because all I've been is tired. All I've felt is tired. I just think my day is too long and I don't want to get out of home for seven days but then I'd miss a lot of shit not going to school. I don't know. I actually don't mind going to school at all. I love school, I love my class, I love my classmates and the crazy schedule and the early morning classes even though it's super duper exhausting. I hate commuting. I hate waiting for my bus, I hate getting home so late just because my transportation home is not 24/7, and I hate how I'm still afraid to drive.

I mean. I drive a lot at home. The road is kinda mine. But with the amount of traffic and other people in the road, this kid right here could be a murderer. I never speed actually, I'm terribly slow. But sometimes I kinda forgot that I'm not alone in the road, so...

A murderer? It's a possibility.

My drowsiness and weariness aside, my senior year has been great. I didn't have my haircut yet but my range of cooking skills for my lunchpack has widen. I didn't paint my nails because the only thing that got colourful is my notes. My classmates have been nothing but a pleasure to have and one of my favourite people on earth is in the class with me, so... It's been nothing but fun. Idem to my P3A (or additional obligational classes we took every Tue, Thu (6.15 to 7.15) and Fri (14.15-15.15). I'm just hoping I will do exceptional job on try outs (and my favourite people as well) so we'll somehow end up in one class and continue to have more fun.

If you're gonna preach me on having too much fun when all I should've done is studying... Then trust me, a. You don't know how amazing my surroundings are and b. You don't know what my priorities are.

See you when my coconut yogurt is ready!

(It kinda sounds disgusting, is it? Ergh. I've ran out of ideas)

Saturday, September 7, 2013


Ok I might be kind of late since other school blogger (that's you, Rin and Biw) already did this activity during sport and my class is kinda late.

A week late.

No worries.

At first I was scared by the idea of playing futsal (mini football? It's like football but it's played by 5 people only and the rules is kinda the same. Except there's no offside otherwise we'll never score a goal) because let's face it. I'm proud as an ADHD kid and I'm not ashamed of it, but the motor aspect of an ADHD kid is soooo bad and in playing futsal I have to maintain two thing I suck the most; balance and precision. So my first thought was; hell yeah, I'm getting Fernando Torres as a nickname because I can't score. Well, Torres can, but he scores when he want. I can't control that, I just can't score. Torres 1 - 0 Brina.

At first we have to do the cool warmups I've seen in pictures of Chelsea FC training. I feel awesome doing that because I'm doing what the legends did. It contains several moves like jumps and runs and cool things in between.

Then the sun got too funky and it's actually really hot outside, so the girls took the first match and I kinda forgot who's on the team. Hehe.

(Hanan if you're reading this, I'm sorry if I kinda forgot but was it you on the first team?!! HAHAHA LOVE YOU NAN)

All I remember is it was really hot, I was running, I was trying to score and my teammates were AWESOME because we got a cool defender and Hanan and Lina was continuously creating chances for us to score (which I ruined always, d'uh) and Ega and Sarah was clearly A+ keepers. Sarah got a new nick; Sarah Cech!:)) clean sheet baby.

But then I got the ball and the defence line was empty and the next thing I know, I scored. I scored. 1-0 for XII IPA-2, BUT it was pure luck. XII IPS' keeper caught the ball inside the goal line so I scored.

Who cares,

I was so happy but keeping it on the inside because I wanted to look cool and act "lol-whatever-it's-no-big-deal" all over my crappy face, burnt and hot all over.

It was so awesome. I feel like doing it again every week. At the end, we won for 3-1 during penalty.

Now, my feet kinda hurt.

A little bit. It's no big deal.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


The last year.
The last sight of a piece of the big puzzle.
The last reminder that nothing lasts forever.
The last euphoria of finding your classmates.
The last tears you shed when your heart is broken.
The last chance to make it right, proof them wrong, and start all over again.

Twelve seems so small, yet so big.
It's like a tree and its roots is diving for depth in your body.
It's like a song and and the words got stuck in your brain.
Each memories are tattooed black in your cerebellum,
running down freely all over the strands of your long hair,
tickling down softly on the peaks of your vertebrae.

Two down, seven to go.
Our steps are marked and the future is waiting.
And for each night, the day unfolds.
And for each folds, a dream ends.
And for an end, I wish the reality to follow,
giving you a soft tap on your shoulder and whispers
"congratulations, your dreams came true."

Monday, August 26, 2013


Lol I can't sleep.

Pft. Life. It happens.


Seneng banget nggak sih blognya dikepo sama orang Greifswald?

I swear to god, I think he's my first German local reader, hahaha. We talked about it during video chat tonight and he swore he just took a quick look and close because it was all in English. Well, what am I supposed to do, blog in German?! Pft.

Don't you think it's scary when someone who used to be no one in your life can basically, take up a big chunk of space in your life? I think it is...

And to believe that they're gonna be the ones that will last?

^ I'm such a fan. He's my junior and I swear he's talented tapi gak keliatan... Hahahahaha. I thought he only play guitar! ... and I kinda forget that he's a Man. Utd fan. Life man, it happens.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Too close

I can't stop listening to this, it has a bit of that EDM-ness in it and Alex's voice got the deep-not so deep tone that I just love love love.

And can I just say that Mom did a great job on Applause? #proudtobeaLittleMonster

And that Branislav Ivanovic's first goal this season really made my week? #proudtobeaTrueBlue


Saturday, August 17, 2013

My addiction for TV is unbelieveable

Whoa it's been four days since my last post? Amaze.

If you actually watch HBO's Girls... You'll get that amaze thing. Ugh. I've forgotten many words during this holiday. Like formality. Yep. I forgot the word formality. I'm that unproductive. Anyway I installed The Sims 3: University Life on my macbook (YAY FOR SLEEPLESS NIGHT PLAYING THE GAME) and bought several dvds, and one of the titles was HBO's Girls. 

Lena Dunham is genius.

Every dialog is quotable and relateable and to be quite honest, I want to be Jessa so frikkin much but who does I fall in to at the end? Marnie. I'm such a Marnie. All the desperation and thing, I'm so Marnie. First I thought I'm a 'Hannah' because no one can hate her as much as she hates herself but nope. I'm a Marnie, but unfitting to do the pretty-girl job. My life started so glorious and ended up basically in a trash can. I have all the Marnie meltdowns (ex stalking, embarrassing moments, trying something I shouldn't do, pouring my heart out at my worst) and I'm pretty much see myself as a Marnie. If I can't get a job that I want, I'd do anything as long as it pays the rent, the food, the life. Unlike Hannah. Or Jessa. I want to be her so frikkin much though. I want her hair, and Jemima Kirke has two babies now. Just saying, bro.


(my kind of self esteem; shitty. And she has OCD)


School is starting and yaaaaaawwwwnnnnnnnn.

Just kidding. I'm actually REALLY glad school's starting!:)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

scientific character of me. BLAH right.

(This is more spot on than the numbers one (I'm number one). Myers-Briggs is awesome for making this thing)

One of my weird things are that I love being defined. I love being told who I am and then disagree to it. To be quite honest, I don't need defining tests or defining answers from people because I already know what's best for me and what's bad for me. I think that is such an advantage in early pre-adult years because truthfully, there's a lot going on and just deciding what you want is hard enough, needless to decide what you need. I see a lot of my friends in this stage too, but some just can't decide what they want, what they need, what they capable of.

Anyway. This is still fun to talk about because it's basically me. I didn't take the advance test yet I'm already very happy with the result so might as well begin.

So basically, INTJs are people who fit 'the scientist' role the most. But me, being fucked-up ADHD kid have the right to disagree. I'm terrible at doing one thing at once because my mind is constantly splitting and wanting to try something new. However, the precise doing and the highly organised characters of INTJs (a.k.a. OCD if you ask me) put the people in 'the scientist' mode.

Scientists are often reserved, closed, unapproachable. Not a team player, rather a leader but if they find the right partner, they surrender. They see big pictures, big plans, big dreams. 

I am (kinda) definitely that.

If you ask me, I prefer to be defined as ambivert because I am not bad at social situations. Well, sometimes I become impulsive and kinda hurting people around me but I'm not bad at social situations, though if you ask me, I like being an introvert. I don't mean, I'm a complete loner with 0 best friends. I have best friends, and they are definitely countable. I have my list of favourite people, but I can't lie, not every person in that list is my best friend. Being an introvert plays a big part on my way of life (idealist all the way) because introverts just notice. 

(I know! I know! I'm typing all the big words around here. I'm in a repair mode because I've been hurt bad enough and I just want to breathe again. You can quit now though because it is going to be a long post to relieve me. Hurry press ctrl+w)

My kind of day is sitting alone in my coffee shop, reading and listening to music and observe people and judging them.

Next. Intuition (over sensing). I have my gut. I make huge, stupid, big, hard to get out mistakes. That's my ADHD kicking in. Have you ever have that sound in your head that just say... Either a verse of "go for it!" or "lol get out you'll regret this"? I have that a lot. I guess it's my intuition? I rarely took decisions over matters and just jump in. Yep. Jumping in is my kind of decision making course of action, hence the big, fat, stupid mistake. I'm that kind of girl that's just... Easy going but not that easy too. I don't know. I'm very complicated. Some people also said I'm the most insensitive person they knew. I rarely think about people's feeling and tend to be self-centred. I walk around with a really big ego here. 

Thinking... Over feeling. YES. DEFINITELY. I over think things way too much. I sometimes put my feeling aside because I think that will mess my judgement over things. Like, it will become biased or something. Over thinking took me to (a bit!) of depression too, when I read the symptoms. I've been feeling really down lately, I lost my appetite. I just feel I'm unworthy to be in this world and believe me, this is not me. I'm that kind of cheery person but then again there's this theory that if you're too cheery, that means you're masking something inside. I don't know. I might. I am having hard time to sleep nowadays and my mood is a train wreck. I guess being a slight OCD plays a part on this too. I want everything to be the way it supposed to be (not perfect. I must say I'm nothing close to a perfectionist) and now, it's not and it's unrepairable. I hope this is a temporary situation though, because if this is permanent I don't know what I will do next.

Last, judgements rather than perceive. I've said several of this word. I just judge people, and I judge mean. In the other hand, I'm an open minded person too. Well, at least I hope I am. I'm not that kind of person that said... "Well, if he's A, he's A forever." I believe in second, third, forth chances, probably more. Change is highly applicable and it is the only constant thing in the world. At one point in your life, you can be the cruelest person in the world but after a while, it may soften and change you forever. Who knows? I like the dynamics of people because that's what people should be; a dynamic creature that changes occasionally but still held his/her principal on the ground.

As in romance, it is said that romance is the achilles heel for INTJs. Reading them chuckles me because as much as i hate to say this, I am very logical when it comes to things with feelings. E.g. Driving. I will be a really good racer because I don't really care what's going on outside... When I should. I always feel like I'm the right person in the relationship because men are from mars and women are always right. I don't believe my fifth strength is a strength though, but yeah. Nailed it in that department. I tend to be like that. Tend. I make exceptions too.

Friendship... I don't think I'm that hard to get close to, but I have 'bases'. Like, at some points, I will be comfortable to talk about things I never told people before. AND YES. I'm a snob. So vain.

Career options... There are several I like and one of my dream job is in the list, so, yep. I'm quite happy.

Ugh I'm tired. It's 3 a.m.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

What if?

I probably have the worst timing ever.

Selamat lebaran, readers! Lebaran is a really special time for me. Because I can eat. As much as I can. Without being judged. BAM.

What's the name of a person that's easily affected by his surroundings? Whatever it is, sign me up on that because I'm definitely, most positively the most easily affected person you know. 

Anyway, I googled the term 'easily affected by his surroundings' and I got low self esteem. No, I didn't mean that I'm unconfident or anything. No way man. I complicate things. I complicate a lot of things and my surrounding is one of the variable to the equation. Like Almas' tweet earlier.

I mentioned a lot of tweets here, do I? Another thing to consider about writing.

The last year of being a schoolgirl. 

Being a schoolgirl is kinda my identity. For the last sixteen years, I am a schoolgirl. School kid. A Kiddo. Majority of my laundry is my uniform, my shoes are mostly black. I have backpacks more than I have... Cool bags. Not that my backpacks aren't awesome though, cause it definitely is. My school books deserve their own room. The amount of pens and pencils I've bought is uncountable and my 'bored doodles' is worthy of a museum. I have a lot of crushes that come and go like the wind. I've found friends and lost friends. I defy teachers all the time. I personalised the school rules for forever. The last year shouldn't be hard, I've been like this for most of my age of living. Then why am I so puzzled, scattered, all over the place, feeling uneasy and distorted?

Tradition is tradition and mine is going to Eyang's place at Kelapa Gading. You know the drills of these things. You came, you gave your hands to everybody and you sit someplace not awkward, holding a cocktail glass with canned fruits in it and trying dodging every question you got asked for. Lucky for me, my mom got this 'NO DATING LAW' down and no one basically asked me the cliches, like Sudah punya pacar apa belum? or Nama pacarnya siapa?. I mean, even without the no dating law, what are you going to do to be so curious, date my boyfriend? Eventually, this leads to the university shit because d'uh. Being lucky enough to know what I want, I answered the questions easily but something kept the words in my throat and it's hard for me to spit it out.

I mean... Do I really want what I want?

What if I want to be here? What if I finally have a reason to stay? What if a life here isn't so bad after all?

Broken hearts, shattered dreams, failed goals, 2 a.m. desperations, the pain of missing someone incredibly, are nothing compared to the wildest what ifs that floats in my head, courtesy of my imagination and my (useless) contemplations.

P.S. this kinda made my day. No man can handle me? Maybe.

Friday, August 2, 2013

You had a lot of fun.

July 31st night was the funnest night of my high school, stay-at-school nights. We only stay at school on Ramadan because we have this pesantren thingy and we sat down, listen to lectures about major kitab and recite a lot of Al Quran. The fun part is we're reciting the Juz 30 and I kinda have no problem with that, I just lack confident and common sense.

At July 31st, after a weird muhasabah moment at Masjid that I never quite grasped and giggled my way through it, we went back to school. The muhasabah was weird because it was dark and it was funny because the noise in the background was some construction doing. After we got to the school, I grabbed my toothbrush and face wash to do the night ritual and that's where the fun kicks in. The guys started to scare Amel with these scary masks and being the good best friend that I totally am, I just stood there to watch and laugh my face off. Out of nowhere, more guys started to make appearances upstairs (all of seventeen generation girls were put upstairs and the boys were downstairs. I believe this arrangement was deeply and thoroughly thought, but nevertheless, the boys got feet and they walk their way up) and we started to mingle. Boys became pocong and scare Icha. Boys got together and talk about Suarez. Girls got together and gossip. Boys and girls got together and chat. I guess we made quite a scene, but I don't think we were loud, though. 

I was just started talking to Alif about things I can't remember(?) when these eleven graders ran to their room/class (Bio class. But since there's no moving class anymore, I believe it's Eleven Science 2 class) laughing and all that. We went from "HAHAHA" to "Lol wt* happened." and we saw one teacher's silhouette. Everything went Gaga. I literally ran to my room/class laughing and whispering the teacher's name, literally forgetting Abiw and Amel who chatted with Nay and Reno and Aldo. I just really want to save my ass that time. Luckily they were behind me and we laughed our whole body. If it wasn't the sudden appearance of our teacher, I think it won't be that fun. Now, I actually cannot wait for Pembekalan Kelas Dua Belas. I just wish this last through the year. It's just too fun to pass.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

On friendship and things like that.

My six years best friend, Jeje, tweeted me this. It's kinda funny though. As we separate school, we, well, I, often get questions like, how long have you been friends? and where did you meet? We met at 7A of SMPN 1 Kota Bogor. I was awkward and stupid as usual and I have no idea that the girl sitting next to me in the pre-orientation will be my best friend of six years.

It's a big number you know. Considering we're only seventeen.

My first ever contact of her is her email address which I still remember until now. I remembered her old cellphone number and stop trying to remember her new ones because I basically have copies of it everywhere, in case of emergencies. We've done a lot together but one thing we never do is trying. Even though it's six years, I have done no effort whatsoever being best friends with her.

Because we never fight, we have arguments. We love to agree to disagree. Mi casa e su casa but this applies to our bank accounts. We talk about everything yet we still keep things to ourselves, which is fine. We never fuss. We didn't talk for half a year but when we met, we knew what each other do the day before. We didn't share stories because we simply know. She just knows from my voice whether I like this guy, I'm about to fall in love with this guy or I've fallen in love, head over heels crazy about this guy. Like I say, it's effortless.

It kinda goes with my other friendships. They just understand that I never share. I share a lot here, but they don't need to read to know. I rarely complain, but they know that I'm so easy to be heated over simple things. They understand too, that I'm super lazy just to text back or that I'm such a bitch and obnoxious, my mouth deserves a super sticky duct tape. We put each other in certain manners and we respect each other. It's like having multiple personalities but people gets you, they don't really think you're cray-cray.

And my guy friends? Crazy. With them, I could be anything I want to be. I'm suddenly a guy they talk to about shaving moustache and weird facts that no one wants to know. I'm suddenly a guy they talk football with, the fact checkers, the transfer rumours snatchers. I'm suddenly a fluent German speaker, suddenly have three stomaches and IMPORTANTLY that I can be funny too. Believe me, funny from a girl's point of view and guys'? Major differences. Nailing both is such a milestone for me.

At this point, I have like, nine favourite people and each plays a big role of my life. I'm eternally grateful and truthfully, life cannot be better. You know, when life gives you a lemon, make a lemonade. When life gives you friends... You make friend-ade? Hahaha.

P.S. Plus you know, worrying is trash. XII IPA-2? MAJOR FUN!!! I cannot wish for a better class. Who cares about competition, because we're marvellous united. Still wishing for this to be the best year of my schooling years, fingers crossed!