Sunday, January 29, 2012

By the way,

Look Ahead

And smile. It's the least you can do.

Tour de Kota Tua with mommy
rocking Nikicio Mixte Le Printemps printed shirt+pajamas pants, Camper shoes, a necklace from F21, and new engraved rings!
Picture in flickr coming up soon!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Football Game

It's half time and I don't know which side to cheer on. But I'll just... Cheer on the winning team. Cheater, I know! By the way I took my Macbook to school at Thursday because Rina wanted to copy some of the songs from my laptop. And Mr. Royno was absent so we took pictures! YAY!

My eyes<3
I love that our smile synched! Brina/Icha

Sweeter version (of me, of course. Icha is so masculine that way)

Second half time is going on. Brb wattcchhhh

P.S. I got a new nickname! The twitter account of my class @smabix4 is a riot and my nickname is bawel or captious. I talk so much, do I? :))

Friday, January 27, 2012

I smelt like honey and milk

and frustrated as ever. I'm currently reading Til' We Meet Again by Yoana Dianika. I haven't quite finish but I found early cliche-ness about the storyline, a dead mother and a loving father with a girl only child, but we'll see. I also a fan of Rain Chudori, an eighteen years old girl who wrote the best stuff on earth, ever. I saw her on the anniversary issue of NYLON, found the twitter, traced her work, sleuth her blog, et cetera et cetera.

One of her best work for me is Blue. I feel the same satire and irony in the words twisting business. I love her to death, that's it.

Btw, a photo of me when I'm basically a baby.

Rumah Darmo. Now it's renovated and things had been changed. I want to be young again.

My first birthday. I want my seventeenth birthday cake to be exactly like this one.

I know I'm nowhere close 17, moreover 26 or 48 but... I'd love to be a baby again who's learning colors, not calculating sick angles on reflections and using the logic to Calculus.

P.S. You gave me butterflies please stop.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Apalah arti aku menunggu, jika kamu tak cinta lagi?

After all the sickness and the hurting, taking one year plus several weeks, I'm done.

Dahulu kau lah segalanya, dahulu hanya dirimu yang ada dihatiku
Namun sekarang aku mengerti
Tak perlu ku menunggu sebuah cinta yang semu

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sono innamorato?

Am I? Or it's just the hormones getting in the way or the funny combo of my daily sugar dose and the caffeine and the amount of time I've spent with you? 

Wait. I'm not going to jinx it. Let's just let it flow easily.

Turns out I have? But anyway,

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

It's not about him

Does the feeling means I've moved on? Even if it's indescribable and I know nothing about him, other than his bad sense of humor?

Purple and Awesome


This is the awesome

This is the purple

And by all means, the purple and awesome title only belongs to my everlove Blaine Anderson/Darren Everett Criss who never looked better with a tight pants. AND YEESSSS GLEE S3 IS SHOWING IN MY COUNTRY oh dear lord finally. This means my infinite trolling mojo on Blaine Anderson is back and I'll have major eyegasm... pretty much every week.
I did something quite... interesting last Sunday before New Years. I kinda go to Jakarta by public transportation (Becak, bajaj, trains) alone without Mom. I managed to buy things (Endah N Rhesa CD, several accessories from Forever21, Maqui's custard puddings) and had a haircut, hence my perfectly shaped hair now. Last time I cut my hair, the stylist personally reminded me to come back at the salon soon, so I could fix my hair (One time I didn't cut my hair in the same salon. Hot mess, baby, I'm telling you). My comment on the public transportation is... None. Well for me, despite the lucid awkwardness between train passengers, the unbearable noise from the Bajaj, not forgetting the quirkiness of a becak, that is the way it should be. It could be better, if only Bajajs have some sort of noise (and pollution!) reducers I will be a very happy girl. And I need another trip to forever21 before my birthday; Yes, my sixteenth birthday who's approx. 3.5 half months from now. I know it's still so long, too long, but I've prepared all of the things, and the guest lists, the menus, the venue, but what's left is the invitation. I'm only inviting 15 people tops, and it's my special girl friends only. Others just might get a fat chance of enjoying the baked goods I'm planning to take to school.

Anyway.... I ordered the notorious silk printed pajamas pants+top from nikicio and....

&I just received the email... It's delivered. Hearrrttssssss!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Cuma Ada di Indonesia

Yup, Bahasa mode is turning on in 5, 4, 3, 2,

Aku tidak menulis kebangsaan sama sekali di blog ini, kecuali satu; Javanese alias bersuku Jawa, karena aku sangat bangga menjadi anak bersuku Jawa. Dengan sedikit kekerabatan di Keraton, aku sangat mencoba untuk mempertahankan kehitaman rambutku, kekentalan logatku, dan kehalusan perilakuku untuk menjaga nama baik suku jawa. Meskipun aku terus berusaha untuk menjelajahi keanekaragaman budaya dan terus berbahasa Inggris (Eyang Buyut Putri; berbahasa Jawa, Indonesia, dan Belanda, membuat aku terinspirasi untuk terus berbahasa asing dan daerah), kecintaanku terhadap Indonesia tidak akan terputus ketika berbicara satu hal; Kuliner Indonesia.

Sebagai orang Jawa, aku harus mengakui bahwa aku agak diluar garis. Aku tidak suka nasi. Bukan tidak suka sebenarnya, hanya saja aku tidak bisa menikmati nasi sebagai makanan pokok yang harus dikonsumsi secara terus menerus setiap hari. Walaupun dibesarkan di salah satu kota metropolitan Indonesia, Surabaya, aku tidak dibiasakan untuk mengunyah nasi setiap hari, setiap waktu makan.

Padahal, aku sangat yakin, hal yang hanya bisa ditemui di Indonesia dengan frekuensi tinggi adalah makanan yang disajikan dengan nasi. Meski begitu, Bunda selalu mensubstitusi nasi dengan kentang atau tepung sebagai sumber karbohidrat kompleks di piringku. Hal ini tidak bisa disangkal, aku jadi tidak terbiasa makan nasi, atau bahasa jawanya mboten semega. Namun, ada beberapa makanan yang menurutku, wajib disajikan dengan nasi dan tidak bisa tergantikan, atau berbahan dasar nasi yang selalu bisa kunikmati.

1. Ikan Asin/Ikan Pindang dengan Sambal

Meski aku lebih suka makan Coq Au Vin dengan asparagus rebus dan wortel mini rebus, tidak ada yang bisa mengalahkan rasa nasi panas dengan sambal rawit mentah, berlauk ikan asin! Hampir dua-tiga bulan sekali aku makan ini.

2. Nasi Goreng Kampung @thegoodscafe

Aku sangat pemilih saat memakan nasi goreng; Aku menganggap memakan nasi goreng itu seperti memakan wortel goreng. Aneh. Namun, ada beberapa nasi goreng di dunia yang aku suka, dan nasi goreng kampung keluaran TheGoodsCafe ini jadi salah satunya. Lainnya adalah buatan bunda (dengan cabe rawit dan garam, daging asap dan abon sapi), buatan Oma (nasi goreng pedas dengan peas, sosis, bakso, dan beberapa bahan enak lainnya), dan buatan ku sendiri, (which is nasi putih yang disiram mentega asin dan ditaburi keju, not exactly nasi goreng). Nasi goreng disini disajikan dengan emping dan potongan ayam yang disiram bumbu pecel. YUM!

3. Sate Ayam

Ayam, bukan kambing! Karena kambing lebih enak digado ketimbang dimakan dengan nasi. Ketika bumbu kacangnya dicampur nasi, itu enak banget!

Dan... Sepertinya sekian. Aku makan soto dengan perkedel, makan bistik dengan pasta, makan ayam goreng dengan kentang rebus. Sepertinya aku harus terus mencoba makan makanan Indonesia dengan nasi.


Hello! As you know I've updated my layout, put on some new acoustic song (Dream Interlude - Endah N Rhesa and the instrumental of Moon River with saxophone, if you ever wonder)

There's nothing personal on the changes, I just thought my new polaroid shot against the blue wall of my home, soon to be destructed (amen on that), doesn't quite suite my sweet and simple template so, I'm changing some things and set the columns to two only, not three. It's more easy to look out now, don't you think? And my new header (picture from tumblr) is much more mature and civilized. And the extra page I put in is somewhat incredible, don't you think? I didn't made buttons anymore. I made the layout pretty understandable now and I didn't change the URL.

It's January the 23rd.

Hopefully it will be a good year for me (I'm a fire rat, quite an opposite). And it rained today, about three times or so. Yay! :D


New web layout coming up!


Sunday, January 22, 2012


You know, my blog will suck if I kept filling them with my insane thoughts or my background. So...

10 films: The Princess Diaries 1&2, Devil Wears Prada, Chicago, Sabrina, The Notebook, Dear John, Eiffel I'm In Love, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Funny Face, 500 Days of Summer.

9 designers: Christopher Kane, Valentino, Vivienne Westwood, Karl Lagerfeld, Coco Chanel, Marc Jacobs, Thakoon, Pierre Balmain, Givenchy

8 novels:  Gossip Girl, Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Chasing Harry Winston, Anna Karenina, Alice in Wonderland, Glam Girls

7 models: Irina Lazareanu, Kate Moss, Sasha Pivovarova, Coco Rocha, Darell Ferhostan, Abbey Lee Kershaw, Irina Lazareanu<3

6 style icons: MK Olsen, Coco Chanel, Kate Moss, My Mother, Hippie Girls, Fashionable street walker.

5 musicians: Florence Welch, Paramore, Kenny G, Lady Gaga, Maroon 5

4 magazines: Vogue, NYLON, Girlfriend, Cosmogirl

3 photographers
: Me, Mike Rosenthal, Hedi Slimane

2 fabrics: Silk and Cotton

1 animal: Puppies

&for extras....

Water - Maple Syrup - Cayenne Pepper - Lemon - Acid - A dash of ipecac
Shake with hate and serve with great vengeance.
-Sue Sylvester Master Cleanse Diet

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Family Values

There I was, in New Years Eve, carrying my youngest half-sister to sleep. Between the humming I did to keep her lids closed, the body rocking I made, and the pain that grew in my arms, the seedy underbelly of my family story I grew into never bore people. And that point, the cynical side of me kept making lines that I finally put into action, now that I’m writing this piece, about my family background.
My first appearance, was somewhere between late 1995. The news my mother brought was shocking for both side of family, because my mother and father was not married, and was not planning to be. Yes, I am, well, was, those ‘accidental’ kids that people prevent to getting in to. The marriage was done in mid-January 1996, and I was born in April 27th 1996. It was the night before the holy sacrificial day to Moslem in the world, Eid Al-Adha. I guess I wasn’t that bad, don’t you think? 
Growing up wasn’t a hard thing to do, since my mother kept the accident thing from me until I have enough logic to realized that I am in the situation. I was that perfect kid who stopped using bottles for milk at the age of 1 and smart enough to read at the age of 3. I was also diagnosed of ADHD, a sort of mental sickness that occurs to young children that affect his/her motoric ability, separating them from other young children. Every child has a different symptoms and mine was tip-toe walking, the inability to catch a moving object, and the out focused side of me that kept me moving all the time. It doesn’t equal to hyperactive or autism  but it is quite similar.
My mentally sick condition was needing the right therapy from eligible psychologist, but the economic condition my mother was into wasn’t helping at all. My father was (is, actually) always gone and he left very modest money to my mother that time, so, any addition outcome won’t make it to the list. So she therapy me by herself. It still burns in the back of my mind, her doing to make me healthy again. She’d kept me in a desk for a full 20 minutes doing nothing (It is hard for young kid to do this, it is even hard for us teenagers, sitting around doing nothing), and another 25 minutes drawing and writing stuffs. Another one was playing what my mother called ‘a rolled game’ because she’d passed me a plastic small ball you’ll find in a ball pool, and I have to catch it on time, before it passed the line my mother made from duck tape. That went on and on and on until I was approx. 5, and it stopped because I finally can control my movements and as I get older, I got a little bit mature too. 
Graduating from my kindergarten (Well, isn’t this thing weird? Graduating from a kindergarten when you’re not officially graded for something other than coloring and bead-working), I managed to find myself getting accepted in an ivy public school and aced myself out there. I was always in the top 5% of my class and getting 90+s in subjects that need 90+ scores.
But it all stopped because my mother decided to move out of the current house we’re living in. She didn’t do it automatically, but she did move out eventually. First she would took all of her belongings, like her jewelries and her important papers, followed by her clothes stack and pairs of shoes getting smaller by amount, and then her make ups, and well, me. I remember her putting all of my clothes in the only suitcase I have back then. It was pink and has a picture of barbie on it. She put some on her bag because my suitcase was very very tiny for a move out, and she put me in a pair of jeans, my favorite white t-shirt (even back then I know what a style staple is), and my double sided wind breakers. She pulled me out of the house, said something to the maid, put all of our stuff in the back of the taxi, and headed for the airport. All I know back then was... I’m in a vacation to Jakarta, because my twin grandmothers misses me. And I did have a vacation. I visited Museum Nasional, went to Dunia Fantasi and everything. But my, I am not going back to Surabaya, my ever lovely hometown.
My exact reaction was... Nothing. I was too little back then to even rebel, even screaming did not passed my mind. It was a habit living without my father, and the school I got in to was a very good school. The only question I had back then was, “So I’m staying here?”, which followed by a good nod from Mom, and followed by my “Ok.” That’s it. No “Why?”s, no “How?”s, nothing. Until now, I haven’t got a simple explanation why this is happened. I figured it out on my own, and asked my Mom. “Is the reason you were leaving is that dad’s a jerk and you shouldn’t be married at all to him in the first place?” Her face muscles tighten and said “I don’t want to marry your dad at the first place. But it was an obligation, I guess? And one of the reason that I didn’t ran away because I need his name for your birth certificate, and you kinda need a dad.” Emphasized on the word dad. “It would suck to grow up without having a father, even though you don’t need one. For the sake of the status.” that’s it. She needed his name for my birth certificate, and for my reputation.
And now, 2012, it’s been.... seven gaudy years from the divorce, eight from the runaway. I’m perfectly in shape as the other teenagers, even though my family are more fucked than theirs. Seeing Mom in her wedding picture was bland, she had no smile on. My family was messy, but it taught me the most wonderful things I won’t get with a happy joyful family. The strongest person who’s ready for anything did not actually ready for anything, but s/he’s been through everything and s/he knows the pace of everything, s/he’s used to it, and s/he’s hanging there.
My family now is perfect. Picture perfect. I lived with my Mom in a tiny homy home, with my step father who’s rarely home because his work needs him in the field. He’s an engineer on mining, and he’s the smartest person on earth. He listens to me every time, and check on me more then my mom. I have asked for a baby brother but they’re still both too busy for another kid, so... I’m being patient here. My father had marry a wonderful, nicest step mother could be on earth. They lived in the city, and my father still went away to far far away places to resolve his projects. He’s a contractor. My step mother works in an IT company. They gave a lovely baby sister, whom I named Marcya. Originated from Latin, meaning a warrior; warlike one. Is it ironic to name her that way after all I’ve been through? Hahahaha. She’s three, pretty, so daddy little girl, and her passion is teddy bears.
I have learned my lesson, give me another phase of my life I need to conquer.

P.S. It's actually parts of the phase; I didn't write it all:p

Every meeting has its goodbye for good.

Rahma Dewi Ayuningrum. People fancy calling her Ayu and I fancy calling her that as well.
Newsflash; she's moving to Solo, approx. 1000 miles away. Ok, maybe not that far, but it is pretty far from Bogor. 10 hours drive, or maybe more. She's leaving for... I don't know. And I just heard the news yesterday (1/16/2012). I thought she was joking or something, considering some people just do that. Kid about going away, dropping the news so soon, making it impossible to buy. But she didn't kid. She was not joking. She was telling the truth.
In a semester of knowing Ayu, I found her appealing because her interest for books is pretty insane as mine. We trade books in the semester and change thoughts about the story. I wish we had done something more, because she's amazing in an interesting way and it would be awesome for me to know her better.
Her leaving woke me up about something.
As you know, I'm still not over on... Things. A thing, to be precise. I'm still wandering about the days for a year plus now, and even though goodbyes are said, I'm still there. I'm still standing on the memories I made and the stinging petrichor that snuck out of his clothes. The song we used to sing, the coffee we used to drink. Still burning in the back of my mind. Blame my stillness to me, because it kills. The burning, kills. We used to walk together, it stopped. And no, I'm still not moving. The man who can't be moved, I suppose? Now he's faraway ahead of me and I'm still hurting and burning.

So... The conclusion is, every meeting will has an end. Every relationship we had will end eventually. There's many reason behind it. But mostly, it's because their job in our lives is done, accomplished. Some hurt us like hell, some left the sweetest memories. It shaped us in a fiery unique way, and to be quite honest, we won't be the person we are today if it's not because of them.

Well, arrivederci Ayu, see you very soon! Can't wait *crossing fingers*

The air is running thin. Too much nostalgia I guess.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2011 Needs

1. An ordinary Korean boyfriend, preferably speaking fluent English and have no desire to be dancing and singing at the same time.
2. Good pair of black shoes for school.
3. More daytime black dresses.
4. More daytime dresses.
5. A descent planner.
6. Plain white shirt.
7. Sweaters.
8. More red lipstick.
9. A disneyworld trip.
10. Some coat, preferably camel and gorgeous.
11. More macarons.
12. A color table.
13. Did I say planner already?
14. Coffee.
15. More coffee.
16. Coffee without weird flavorings.
17. Florence and the Machines new album: Ceremonials.
18. A chance to dye my hair in deep smooth black.
19. Various colored eye pencils?
20. Danjyo Hyoji sick shoes.
21. A practice on car driving; especially PARKING and STOPPING.
22. More time, because building my room is not an easy job.

and more to continue.
OH!!! I need more books and pens for school. Noted... In mind.

2011: Bittersweet memories coated in photographs and me saying "When was that?"

Gotten a new piercing.
Dyed my hair.
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
Been on a long a car journey.
Passed an exam.
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.

Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with an (ex)boyfriend.
Received flowers.
Had a Valentine.
Written a letter using pen and paper.
Gone to see a therapist.
Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things.

Traveled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Spent a day out in the sun getting a tan.

Slammed a door out of frustration.
Had an anxiety attack.

Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ.

Gone to the fair.
Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.

Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they’d had too much to drink.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d received bad news.
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to several great parties.

Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses.m
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up due to food poisoning.
Cried over a film.
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boyfriend.
Fought with someone in public.
*italic=was done in 2011

Anyway, 2011.


It's been a dreadful amazing breathtaking year for me, but nonetheless it was fine.

I wish I could tweak some things here and there but somethings will never change. I wish I am in a better physical shape now, as for my mind. I wish I'm over the heartbreaks I hoped will go away in 2011. I wish 2011 is still here because I have tons of unfinished business I though I could solve in 2011.

But the fact that time rolls uncontrollably and you're gaining weight and your heart breaks did not ease the fact that we're living in the space and time limited continuum filled with superb things and unsolved mysteries and we can't bear to be one of the things that build the superb things and the unsolved mysteries.

So my only resolution for 2012 are none other than keep building the superb things and making unsolved mysteries.