Friday, December 28, 2012

When in doubt, BLOG!

Hello it's my second day in Pare and I think I'm still tired from the bus trip. Seriously. It's the most tiring condition I've ever been and lucky for y'all who have proper transportation to your destination anywhere. Can't imagine living as a young british woman with petticoats and high heels, roaming down the forest with a basket full of goods in hand. The beauty of living in the two thousands. Because jeans and backpacks are such a blessing. 

Anyway, the place we had as our rooms are not bad. We sleep on the floor, foam beds and sappy sad pillows. That's kinda ok though, because I brought a sleeping bag, yay. Thank you Mom for being overprotective as ever and encouraged me to bring the sleeping bag. Plus, it's my first time here and I'm already masuk angin. I know for sure that the English term is not 'enter wind' but the thing sticks. Now I'm the enter wind girl. The food is great and there's always chilli. I don't really like eating chilli (especially because I'm sick) but I feel like sharing the news. The bathroom's better than I expect it will be. I just wished I'm getting better soon so I don't have to limit myself to things. Plus I'm the only girl who doesn't ride a bike, because I can't!!! Hahahahahaha it's too sad being me, actually.

Anyway I'm reading this Thought Catalog post and somehow thinking, Man, either we're too old for resolutions or we're too sober to make one so I'm skipping my useless resolution crap and cut to the chase instead; finding ways to make the year better. #21 is a keeper for me, unfortunately.

Wish me health! I'm so sick of being sick!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Eve!

Usually I am already landed in my hometown and googling fun (yet educative) Christmas games on my laptop (IT'S BEEN A YEAR+, MACBOOK PRO! IT'S BEEN A YEAR+ OF YOU AND ME!) for all of my cousins to play and it hurts me how they really manoeuvre well with my trackpad customisation and everything. It took me a while when teaching this to adults but with them, it's just seconds away! I missed them so much, I should drop in for a visit in the next term break. One of the things I like to remember during Christmas is how long and far I've got in this year. Like a milestone? Sometimes there are progress, sometimes I'm just the pure old me. But I saw massive progress this year and the last thing that needs massive progress is the length of my hair. God, I love you so much and I know you'll always hear me but please, grant me my old hair length! I feel so crappy in this hair length and the way it flops down sadly on my head is sickening. It's like, the most flat hair you'll ever find. Volumising shampoo? I wish Guarana Berry shampoo on Body Shop still exist. 

Anyway I opened (yes, I know it's still early for me to be checking out college fashion blogs but it really inspires me to speed up time and fast forward on when I'd be going to college... Outside Indonesia!) and this post ruined/made my day. I really want to spend my shopping money for new lacquers but the Pare trip will took almost twenty-four hours /on land/ so it will be super exhausting and I need books to fill the empty times in. Feeling like reading 'the girl with...' trilogy (is it a trilogy or is it a four books-logy?) or Jack Kerouac's On The Road or ANYTHING. I feel like trying Haruki Murakami but I'm still afraid it's too intense for me. If there's Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, I am sure I will buy those.

Still excited of Chelsea's 8-0 win against Aston Villa last night. Mushy mushy my baby Ivanovic for scoring one, excellent goal and loads of gratitude to the effin good looking Lucas Piazon! He really is good looking, isn't he. And Lampard, please don't go I'm pleading!

[pictures? Not mine. Taken from @Soal_Chelsea and @Kabar_Chelsea]

I've packed a bunch of things for Pare and now that I will be bringing the laptop and the internet connection while Amel will be bringing her camera, let's just say that I will be posting bunch of photos of Pare in here later.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Deep Questions (or, at least I think so)

1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
When they are telling you how they feel. People are damn scary and what they say now will not be the same later. 

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?
Because of the rope-pulling thingy! They kept playing (or messing?) around with the number of people and the sexes and they kept doing rematches because the ground was slippery, it was hot, my skin was burning and everything just lost themselves for a moment. Still feel the same? Nah. But I'm still pissed off with some people;)

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?
Mom. That I'm going to die and I love her and please finance all my debts and fix me a proper Javanese burial. Anyway, what am I doing in Honolulu to Chicago at the first place?

4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
I won't tell them. Do good deeds, donate my stuffs, pay up my debts, pay up my shaum debts, pray. I will be afraid to death, literally, but death is the one of the most inevitable things in life so...

5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.
Trust. Even though when you love, you trust, you can't built an entire corporation and work relationship by love.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?
I'd call 911 to save the dog. 

7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?
Hurt by the one I love the most. At some time, the pain will go away.

8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?
Walk away. From him and the friendship. Some people are just better be our friends, and I learnt enough that falling in love with a best friend is never easy.

9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?
I'd do it. Because her friends miss her so much.

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
NO. Believe me. I'm loud, obnoxious, sassy, stupid, ugly, I gave zero help but blurt out too much, et cetera et cetera. 

11. Does love = sex?
No. It's so much more than sex but I wish I can explain what love is. Wait. No one can.

12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?
Yes. With the longer working experience I had, I maybe can seek other position in other companies. 

13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?
I don't know, several months ago? It was a friend of mine. I don't remember the words but I do remember feeling anxious typing it on my keyboard.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?
Telling them that you do not love them back. That hurts.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?
The last two post! It was my classmates.

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?
Last month? Can we make it the last year? Because falling in love sucks!

18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
Mom, of course. Either Mom or the Hulk. Same power to me.

19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?
No. Because I'm way too prejudiced, I'd say.

21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?
My grandmother hahahaha because she's annoying. No. Because the baby still has so much to live on while my grandmother, well, she has been to anywhere at any condition so life has been so good for her.

22. Are you old fashioned?

23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?
Don't remember. But doing good things and expect something in return is not doing good things. It's like, decoy goodness.

24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?
True love with a guarantee of a broken heart. The pain will go away.

25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?
Marry young! It's not like I am kebelet kawin or anything but I think it's nice when you have someone to come home to. A tiring day in the office, finished off with a cup of vanilla tea and exchanging stories? Sehr super!
I have to say, 2012 is a (pretty) good year for me. My report card was satisfying and I ended up reaching my goal. I must say though, once you stop wanting it, you get it. I should've listen to Andy Warhol all along. There are two disappointing marks on my report card and none super-satisfying. 

The Pare Trip is coming and I haven't pack nor buy the important things. I didn't have the raincoats thingy but I supposed I can switch it with Peacoats? A girl can dream.

More later! xx

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It was not the losing that hurts, it was the red palms!

Masih sakit:( Hahahahahahahahaha

And most of all...

yang ini jadiin avatar dong:<

Ich liebe Euch!♥♥♥

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


... by the sun! The extreme weather of Kota Bogor, not to mention the lack of cover in our schoolfield burnt my skin to the darkest shade of me. I think I might give everything a rest and just stay at home protecting my skin from the UVs so Oscar, I know what you feel. I know what you feel (Even Torres and Eden Hazard didn't pull that knee socks up that high and skip the gloves). My latest hobby has been nothing but seeking for Branislav Ivanovic pictures in tumblr and everything. I have to admit, between he and John Terry, he's still the hottest. JT is not the one on stills, but always looked amazing on the screen. I miss having him in the games.

AND YES, I WAS ON FIRE TODAY. With the tarik tambang conflicts and several gossips running around that just, ew-god-I-wanna-barf, it's just easier to channel every drop of anger to pulling the frikkin rope and just tear my epidermis layer on my palms. Lucky we got in to the semifinals and will fight over XI IPA-1 along with futsal. Being the only eleven graders is nerve-racking I don't know. Oh, I'm so excited for OSIS having this 'Warung Osis Keliling' thingy because I just think it's brilliant. Should charge for photos though, Lucky was having his day with being captured. 

(currently obsessed with Cults' Never Heal Myself. They are amazing everyone should give a listen) 

Monday, December 17, 2012


The higher you fly, the harder you fall. I wish the gravitational law will never be applicable in something that doesn't even exist (like hope, love, or anything invisible-but-there) but it's just one of the kinks of how the world turns. You're up, you're down. You're happy, you're sad. You're in love, you're hurt.

People have been dying for me to get over a certain someone. After several years, I just can't. I mean, is it too much? Is it scary or something? Was it really, truly incredible so it shall not be put away, pushed back, while I'm with my open arms, trying to embrace the world and the present I'm living in? Today changed my perspective on the thing. The final answer... Is not. And truthfully I've moved on long way before this. Really. I guess there will be time when you're tired, or you just decided to quit clinging on something that doesn't even exist. And please believe when I said I've faced that phase and I passed. Successfully. Some of you might think, then why aren't you in your equilibrium already??!! I don't know. I'm scared? To open up. My last was disappointing and to be quite honest, there's nothing sillier than rushing into a new relationship when you know you're just not ready. And I was rushing. Way over rushing. Regrets came in the end, aye? Or... Well... I guess it's easier to say to them that I still haven't moved on when I already fell in love with some other guy. The future with me, not being able to move on is clear and simple. It's not going to happen. Not with any miracle and I'm quite sure I'd rather have a miracle on my study routine rather than on having one on that side of my life. But with falling for another guy you barely knew, or even if you knew them, it's so much scarier. A lot could happen in a week, moreover in a month or a year. The comforting sense of loving someone without them knowing would melt when you know someone, other people, other than you are pleased to find pleasure in something you desire in. You wish you could tell them, but scared of what they will give you in return. You wish you could flush in the feelings but is it always too soon to quit? Like you just started and there's still that strand of hope, lunging on your ceiling wishing to be noticed. All I knew is I'm way too cowardly to actually face the feeling of falling in love, so I'd rather pretend I'm still dreary over the past and I just can't seem to move on. This is 'a smile behind a cry' in totally different level. I know I hate being a hypocrite, lying to people, to myself all along but being in love is scary. To do and to stay in. And to be in love with somebody who didn't love you back is not quite the future I want to embrace, I guess. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

What I had been doing in the weekends


1. Went to the gym with Meivy (!!!) in the morning and burn 200+ calories on the frikkin scary machines. Afterwards I did a little weightlifting and sit-ups then went to the steam. I felt so refreshed and super healthy, even though I'm still a litttlllleeeee bit overweight to my goal. After the frikkin work out I took my glasses from the optician (YAAAAYYYY! I'm no longer blind anymore. I'm such a retard without my glasses, I read Dreamworks-->Disneyland) and grab a mini bite. 

2. In the evening, I went to German class and took the book test. I got 87:| And that's because I didn't read the questions and the narrations thoroughly. I'm so bummed.

3. At night, my mom took my to this new place in Sentul (yay Sentul for being cool) called Ah Poong. It's basically Eat&Eat, like the one in Gandaria City BUT they specialised in Indonesian food only, or, at least, the Indonesian and the outer circle of Indonesia. I had Chicken Hainanese Rice thingy because I was lazy to look around and seek funky food.


1. Woke up a bit late, did some housework and went to Ah Poong again, this time with my cousin. We took pictures!

2. Watching Corinthians vs. Chelsea game now. #KTBBFH!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Modern Media --- Opportunity or Downfall.

(This is an EF assignment for our loveliest Hayley Sheldon. MARK US GOOD!!!)

(Plus I'm writing this with John Mayer's Battle Studies as a background soundtrack so excuse the vulnerability)

For most of the time, modern media has been helpful to all mankind all over the world; not for me. I think modern media is a waste of energy and resource. Of course, it's a good version of waste, but sometimes I just think it's not worth it.

I'm a girl, and though this is a bit biased or anything, I always like to share some intimacy with people I cared about and with modern media, in goes all of my needs and desperation (see, vulnerability) to see what they're doing and what they're up to. Everything is as quick as a snap and a check in a breeze. You can reach a person by buzzing their chat window or calling their Skype ID. It's great, really. I've been using the technology for once in a while but I just wish it was a bit, I don't know, old.

My mom, spending her youth in the 80s (Praise to all people who had lived in the 80s, praise to all), told me that she had to wait for a letter from her (old) boyfriend who served for the Navy. For most of the time, the letter came once a week but if the condition's tough, she only got it once a month, maybe less. You see, what might came off as a suffering could be felt as a non-suffering, as I put myself in my mom's shoes... It doesn't feel really bad at all. Pacing down the living room and peeking through the window if the postman's there, the huge anticipation of having a stranger delivering you happiness if it's there or when it's not, it's hope he delivers. The instance of being IMed doesn't need hope, it needs faster internet. I don't know, I just think that having everything so quick and easy, people just lost their state of well-being. I bet if there's a research (I bet there's one but I didn't really bother to look it up) on how the snappy present of smart phones and electronic mails and digital images posted on line really affects people... Boy, how big the rate's gonna be. Not to mention, people hardly read books now. Facebook rather than face a book? Uh-huh.

On the other hand, I can't lie. Modern media and all things that revolved around it do make the world a better place to live in. Being a chicken (and a coward), I cleaned up almost 70% of my mess online, or by the help of modern media. I must say that my relationship with modern media has been a love/hate one. I can't came up with a better solution than just live with it. Balance your modernity with something that's rather old fashioned (I keep thinking a fancy New Yorker carrying an iPhone 5 and The New York Times on both hands) and enjoy the rest of the day.

In the end, It's a love and hate relationship I'm having with modern media and all things that revolved around it. It's beneficial and sickening at the same time. What really matters though, is I'm still having the same wish of living in the 50-60-70-80s era where the only modernity you can get is a vintage, mint-coloured, annoying-when-it-rings telephones and a pair of pants worn by women across the world. That, or an b/w movies of Audrey Hepburn being the daughter of chauffeur who went to Paris to learn culinary. Hey, don't judge, I was named after the movie!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


I got my chem remedial today and other than that it was fine. Went to starbucks with Hilmi and Jian and took pictures/act stupid/be bored and I'm supposed to do some work but I didn't. Hell, I'm too lazy. I wanted to do a photoshoot but I'm (again) too lazy. My EF assignment is still sitting around the draft area. God

Anyway... I'm just... Blue. I guess it really is not my part to be blue but I've been wanting to watch Gossip Girl and caught dead of misery but first:

(Favourite on screen couple, like, SERIOUSLY)

Jian said my blog is too plain. I might mix it up a bit... Without the double coloured letter, (-______-)

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Lover to lover, black to red

Just me being me, losing consciousness since 1996. Anyway. Thoughts when I read these quotes online.

“Live each day as if it's our last', that was the conventional advice, but really who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn't practical. Better by far to simply try and be good and courageous and bold and to make a difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Go out there with your passion and your electric typewriter and work hard at...something. Change lives through art maybe. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.” - David Nichols

Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance. Well... Here's the thing. What if your chance is now and suddenly, you missed it? The moon has loved you but you're too busy counting the stars? Or the boy is unreachable, you lost her, the love of your life, just walked away? I mean... You had the chance, you just lost it? And staying true to your principles, it's more than just staying true for me. It's about living in your principles. Every single thing counts, and it's easier said than done.

"I realise that we're only seventeen and we're not supposed to know about love, but we do." - Olivia Pruznick

I know I'm not seventeen, well, yet. It's in a matter of weeks of me turning seventeen, YAY. I guess for someone so tired of life, I'm pretty optimistic about birthdays, yes? I guess... I'm not even seventeen and I think I know about love. I think it's just pure conspiracy for people who think love is indescribable. It is. Like the first time you got to know each other, or simply by looking at Torres scoring some goals. That's love for me.

"I'm sorry that I'm both your umbrella and the rain."

Ella, ella, e, e, e, under my umbrella! *dances for the musicals.

"I feel like I'm always missing something. Oh right, it's you."

bakjdbaskbddas nuf said.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Frei for Freitag.

So today, the eleventh graders (and the twelves) are free from the finals! Not the remedial, but at least we can spend the night sleeping or watched the tv instead of playing it for our background study sound.

After being so sick of the finals, me and Abiw and Amel decided to go to watched movies. Our first pick was The Rise Of The Guardians because we love animations. BUT something happened and we turned out watching Stolen. It was cool. I cried. Hard. Because seeing Nicolas Cage do things for his daughter when his daughter have 'abandonment issues'. Overall, the movie was agreeable. And relatable. The fun part was the unstoppable talking we had and it was good. We blurt out each other emotions AND I bought this book with 'Butiran Debu' on the title. It's supposed to be funny. It's still is.

Crappy photo from crappy camera.

Anyway I'm tired and I think I'm hitting the sheets early. Today supposed to be fun but due to that 'something', it's no longer fun. In fact, it (kinda) sucked in some way but truly. The talk we had is pricele$$ you can't put a tag on it.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

I'm still so sick and tired, and Mom had convinced that I've been put under too much stress and exhaustion because all of the studying. To be quite honest, I didn't put that much effort to study because I'm just lazy. Laziest. The goal is to be in the top 5% of class so I would get a new phone but to be quite honest, I don't want that piece of snazzy metal:| I know I know. I know. Anyway. HAPPINESS SPAAAM.

(I hope my room looks like this when I'm in college. In Germany)


(Someone told me this the other day. It pretty much made my day☺☺)

(Hayley's comment on my speaking assessment I've peeked, through the roof, people, through the roof!)

(I could talk all day long about dreams, sewing up your heart so you never see a seam)

(Freakish I know but it's our sudden meet up on Sbux the other day. I prefer this than cireng kok biw, HAHAHAHAHA)

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Lol stupid photobooth camera. 


A funny Chem joke: Do you have eleven protons? Because you're sodium fine.

new url to tumblr click here.

Friday, November 30, 2012


As you all know this day is a very special day for XI IPA-3.

We perform our musical drama first.

I'm just, through the roof. WE MADE IT GUYS. All of the unnecessary feelings and satires we shared is nothing compared to the final result. I know we messed up a bit (during Umbrella dance, sigh) but that's all right. Because we love the final of the final dance! And I just love the fact that #17 #18 generation and some of the #16 are willing to watch us, because that's what shows are for. To be watched! My personal fear is to be put in front, for all the school to see but I overcome that by chanting Diva's triumph chants. Diva has gotten into me right now, lol.

Let me tell you about the story of our musicals. 

Well, there's this 'boy gang' and 'girl gang' (+1... well... A Drag queen). One boy fell in love with the one girl from the other gang, and joining forces with the coolest dance crew on earth, they made a fine, awesome dance force!

The first act was Madcon's Beggin and the boys (Danar, Fafa, Ken, and Hasan) made this gate-thingy with their bodies hanging on to each other, doing a opening/closing gate movements. After the gate thingy, in come the girls (ME! and Sarah and Yavis and Amel) with the Umbrella, dancing to Rihanna's Umbrella. It's the least cool dance for me, because it doesn't take that much time practising. Though the umbrella is quite hard to manoeuvre. Mine was so stiff and it took a bit of effort to kick-open the umbrella, yet Sarah's opened during the dance. Oops. Anyway when the umbrella dance is finished, Danar, Fafa, Ken, and Hasan did a stunt jump over the back thingy and landed, becoming robots like in Step Up 3! Fafa and Hasan was the coolest. After that they backed up, Almas came in and do a solo robot steps with scooping motions on the background, when Fafa and Hasan did breakdance steps.

And this is where (my) fun begun. After the robot thingy is done, I, Sarah, Yavis and Maul got in to do a simple salsa step with the boys. Minus Hasan of course. This is absolutely my favourite part. It's a bit messy though for the others because we didn't put down the same steps (mine and Danar's was one on one, Almas-Maul's was sets of three, Ken-Sarah was sets of two and some cha-chas, and Fafa-Yavis' are there to be cute and funny, lol) but I received a lot of compliments on the salsa and it sent me through the roof. Dude, I really sucked at Umbrella! It's like my body is embalmed and stiff as heck but I could let some go in salsa. When it ends, we started shuffling and ended the whole scene with Gangnam Style! YAY FOR GANGNAM STYLE. Is a bit tricky though because I wore a knee-length short dress but that's alright.

Sadly, no one took pictures because the hall was quite dark (thankfully it's cold) and no videos are taken! It's too sad because we want to send the clips to Maris and Rani, the -2 we really missed. 

This is... The best Friday of the year! I'm sure there are (and will be) great, just simply great Fridays in the past and future but this tops of the list. Our win is our happiness, guys. I know this is not an achievement or a competition or anything but at least we prove ourself damn well today. Danke Welt. Danke XI IPA-3. It's not a bad thing, is it, being moved to November 30th? :D

[Posting our poster soon]

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Because indescribable will never be the answer.

This is the part when Born To Die: Paradise Edition is on, and you're in the mellowest yet you will not ever and not allowed to cry for the same reason again.

The most confusing part of my letting go definition is knowing that it's not actually letting go, but it is. Like it's not actually a relationship, but it is. Like I actually believe that it was warm water, but it actually is.

Here's the thing about disappointment and fears; you can experience a hundred disappointments if you trust people that easily, but yet again what is a relationship (any. Any relationship) that's not based on trust? You can fear a thousand things, even at once, but by then, will there still time to live? When you have been made disappointed for a lot of time, you'd expect the new to be different. Like a breath of fresh air in summer. You'd believe that, "Hey, it's not fair to treat them like the last ones. I mean, it's there for a frikkin lesson, not a reference." but then again, everything is a lesson and even though you looked back for things you should've changed and changed them in the present, sometimes it just got messy and it messed up everything. The thoughts you put, the expectation that's been growing, the hope that won't stop bouncing in and out in and out, up and down up and down. It's really tiring but you thought what you got is different and you're willing to be on your last leg, beaten until black and blue, wishing that it will somehow be worthy.

And it was. I mean, the whole ride. But the end it's just the same with the others. Disappointed? Yes. There's a saying that "A second chance doesn't always mean a happy ending. Sometimes it's just a chance to end things right this time around". I just wish there's no ending at all.

So after days of wallowing and losing my inner equilibrium, I just realised today that... Man, you don't need me any longer! You're a whole lot of fine without me and I just went back and thought... Was it the second chance to end things right? Did it really have to end? And after staring at you for a couple of minutes or so, I turned my head thirty degrees and there they are. The replacements. I know, I know. Being replaced hurts more. But... If it's what makes you better, replacing me because I'm uncool and dreary, then it is what it is. You know my bit, I know yours. And the saddest thing is... I will always be around when you're off doing what's cool and not dreary, that will never include me.

Excuse my shit-low self esteem but... Yeah. I'm shit-low self esteem.

Let's build a room and start filling it, shall we. Because that, is what Diva would do.

And oh! Those who can't cry is actually the weakest. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

More than thirty one.

I'm in need of ice cream. Like super. I'd love big scoops of strawberry and mint and chocolate with chips and mint and tiramisu and mint and mint and mint and mint. I've always like the flavour mint in almost anything as a twist on my sweets. Like mojitos. And ice creams. But never those, hard rock mint candies because they're bitter. We don't want that.

I've been cooking lately and that's because Me&Amel are starting our Lunch Crew! Yay. Basically this is the first day. We usually eat rice (or noodles or, let's face it, carbs) at 9 am, tummy still full with our breakfast (I prefer sugar cereal or yogurt/twist while Amel eats main courses. In the morning). So we're turning our food phase and have breakfasts, lunches, and I skipped dinner. I would really like to lost some pounds because I'm such a fatty. I want to reach at least 110≤my weight≤120 for my Diva role and it's like, a month away. Hopefully by not coming to Surabaya and going away to Pare, I lost all appetite I've been calming for the past months because let's face it. Every christmas dinner is and will always be precious and glamourous at different kinds. Mine has homemade steaks with gravy, and the best fried rice on earth, rice noodles, tomato soup, and homemade pickles of carrots and cucumbers. And though there's no gifts opening because gifts are given when we earn something (or celebrated birthdays, but that was different), it's always a joy to wake up in a cool morning and saying "Selamat hari Natal." We love christmas and I always bring an ornament to decorate the tree. Last two years were a white angel carrying a harp, last year was Rudolph. I think I'm sending a santa this year because the older cousins (one is six and one is seven and the youngest is three) are being introduced to santa in their school. It should be exciting because they'd expect a present then. 

Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to christmas. Not to mention Starbucks' jolly drinks (toffee nut is a keeper) and the merry decorations and the SALES. Mom always splurged me on christmas time and I'm in need of a new wardrobe. Lol. Not a full one. I really need to invest in another white shirt and a boyfriend sweater. With a wide collar hopefully. God I'm snappy.

IPA3's musical have been moved to November 30th because this and that. In a really tight day right now, I've only managed to fully nailed a piece on the dancing scene, and I have three to dance. I really need to practice... And find a private tutor for Math.

OH! And a tune to brighten your day up.

It's really easy to listen, more to love. REALLY.

Saturday, November 24, 2012


Hahahahahaha truly, I'm sixteen people. I'm sixteen.

Review: One Day the Movie

I thanked Yavis Hastra! She managed to somehow find the movie I really really really want to watch which is One Day and I couldn't be happier. Truly. I loved the movie. No. I love the movie. Still in love. Will always still be in love.

It starts out with the graduation of Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew and their relationship years after years on St. Swithin's Day, July 15th. My favourite was the year of 1992, 1996, and 2000. Then of course, 1988 will always be my favourite because it was the first day they actually met. It was a joy to watch, especially with Jim Sturgess. He was beyond my mind, because I was thinking of a less charming person when I read it. Who's Emma Morley on my head when I was reading about it? Won't tell!:p

The love and hate relationship Emma and Dexter had, the long letters with pen marks on the behind because the pen is too pushy, the I love you but I just don't like you anymore, the irony of being stuck with someone else when the love of our life was under our noses all along, the waiting, the twenty years of waiting. It defines life. That years after years, everything is going to fall apart yet everything will be alright again. It will be alright. That every fights have their ends and every love, every single one of it will eventually end. In a different way maybe, or it will be the same. It's kinda upsetting and contenting at the same time that David Nichols still put the same end; in the book and the movie. Reading before watching the movie will give you, I don't know, the I-know-what's-coming and having to read the book twice gave me every bits of details there is. The kiss, the smile, the tears, the words and yes, I praise David Nichols for not changing too much. Because I feel like my imagination being lit up by watching the screen.

At the end, I'd give this four and a half stars out of five. It's a frikkin masterpiece. Not to mention Rachel Portman's score. But I have to say though, it's the reading that changes my life. It's the reading that helped me, gave out cues for me, gave out warnings that no matter how disappointing life is, it will be worth-living. 


Go for a watch. Want a better option? Read-the-frikkin-book.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Recent Happenings

Hello, I'm the w@#$% in the movie. Hello, my name is Diva, and I'm the knight's falling star.

#1. My beloved class XI IPA-3 has chosen the novel to be filmed as our Bahasa Indonesia movie assignment. I got the 'Diva' role and boy, is she hard to play. Reuben is right, she has too much contradictions. But I believe I can do it! Especially when I get to write my own dialogs and lines. Life is be-au-tiful.

#2. I've been cooking lately and my latest 'stir' was caisim with beef in oyster sauce. Howtos?

1. Caisim, obviously.
2. Some meat, cut into thin pieces.
3. 4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped.
4. 3 tsp of soy sauce.
5. 1 tbsp of oyster sauce.
6. Salt and pepper.
7. Some oil.

First, wash the caisim and cut them into halves; the hard stem and the leafy part. Then, heat up the oil in medium heat, until it's super hot, like smoking hot oil on your wok (it's better to do stir fry on woks, people!) Put in the finely chopped garlic, saute for a bit and put the meat and the hard stem part in, one hand still stirring. Pour a bit of water to reduce the heat and start seasoning with the sauces. After all sauces are in, taste and season with salt and pepper afterwards. I find seasoning after the leafy part in sucks but it's kinda up to you. Crank up the heat until the water kinda runs out but left a bit on the wok (and don't forget to stir and stir and stir to prevent burning), put in the leafy part and that's it! More stirring of course until all leaves are covered with the sauce and done:D

#3. Hayley did a personality test on Monday and this is what I got! I made some German scribbles too because I was a bit bored when we talk about several things like our names and origin and yeah, it's still fun! 

#4. Another family member of XI IPA-3, moving out:< We'll miss you, Fauziah Luthy Althofia!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Missing him was dark grey all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met.

Don't you just feel sometimes you're... Unpretty? I know I'm unpretty and I lack femininity in all sort of aspects of my life but the only time I feel pretty is at times when I'm curling my eye lashes because that's the only good things I got in me and putting a mascara with glittered pink and purple tube. My hair is a wreck (blabla, yeah I know you got it) and my skin is burnt and I'm short and my body is not toned at all, I'm not skinny, I'm insecure and my self esteem is sh*t. I don't agree to every piece of things in my closet and my specs outgrow me. All of my shoes are ruined and of course good things fall apart in order for better things to come out of cold, and I still can't apply eyeliner let alone attempting a smoky eye. The other things that upset me is that I know you care so much about details and I screwed up every single time because I'm such a sucky-onist. I just wished I'm better and enough for you, because I'm worst every single day and I won't ever be one for you. I know sucky self confidence is such a *thumb down* but this is what everyday feels like; seconds of pure walking insecurity and what hurts the most is that I just want to be special for you. They said, "You tell a girl she's beautiful, she'll believe it for a minute and tell a girl she's horrid, she'll believe it for the rest of her life." I know I'm an exaggerator by heart but I just think that it's true, don't you think. Every girl's self esteem is sh*t until she grows up (and yes, I'm fourteen at heart, blushing on cue and laughs on the corniest joke ever).

I just downloaded Red and it took FOREVER but the twenty-two tracks are here. Haven't give everything a listen, I'm too yawny. Nighty!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Something about you is so addictive

........ Ran out of words.

Found old photos of my year nine class, Alejandro!

Happy birthday Ibu Tri!

(half of) the girls!<3 MY SKIN WAS EFFIN GORGEOUS BACK THEN. Not uglyish and burnt like now-_-

See I miss having the hair I had in the last picture! Hopefully this crap on my head grow super fast so I'll look /much/ better than this. Good news! I went to BSD to check out DIS (Deutch Internationale Schule) but the school is closed, d'uh, go figure. And I got myself a new pants today hehehe it's Zara and it's pink and it looks good with my sweaters so I'm content:D I bought a MAC eyelash curler too + some socks from M&S + a pair of New Look mocs but I didn't get my goal today: tribal loose sweater. Mom said it won't be on season (yet) and I should go look for it again next month, before the Pare Trip because YES, I am going! I'm so excited and all gengless are going. My first experience spending NYE with friends. Secretly wishing you're going too, even though that's likely to be impossible.

I'm kinda sad though because I'll be missing Christmas dinner but I could go for two more years for that. I think I'll drop a visit to Surabaya after New Years. 

Still missing you (-a bit).

Now listening: Demi Lovato's Here We Go Again (I know it's an old song but man, did she read my mind or what).

How did you get here under my skin, I swore that I never let you back in, should've know better than trying to let you go cause here we go, go, go again. Hard as I try, I know I can't quit, something about you is so addictive, we're falling together, you think that by now I know, cause here we go, go, go again.

Thursday, November 15, 2012


The long-awaited holiday is finally here and I've been busying myself with creating this brina book that will be a milestone of myself.