Monday, May 20, 2013


Kalo dipikir-pikir, judul blog gue selalu galau.

That's probably because I'm too... Upset? Low? Stupid? I sometimes wonder what it's like to stop being like this, to feel like you're on top of the world but you're hanging on a teeny tiny string that could snap everytime. I blog for my unspoken things and it is a lot. I like to keep things for me (and later, I will decide that I'm stupid for loading an extra baggage to my heavy compartment) and mull over it. 

Like right now.

I wish he'd know how much he meant for me, that every atom of him is addictive-ly missable and want-able. I'm like drowning on my own feelings and truth is, it's not as good as it sounds. You know, I just want to know which's which. How to fall for someone without overthinking it and when it happens, it happens. To actually know what's real and what's fake. Being insensitive sucks but then again, when you're too sensitive, you'll ended up getting your heart broken.

You know what, fuck it.

Here's to the teenage romance and not knowing why it hurts like hell.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Never too much

So I've been doing nothing but the routines; school, cleaning, laundry, watching a bit of stupid tv to cheer the mood up. Not that it need something to perk it up. Just kidding. I've been in an awful mood lately.

The family feud has been... Tiring. Can't take it. Even though I ended up getting what I want and everything and everyone and the last details are fine and handle-able, I'm still upset over the final decisions. Posting a family matter for the world to see is a bit tricky, but I'm soooo upset. Some people are just too selfish and ego-narcisstic to understand. Moreover, I haven't found the right people to finally opened up about this craziness and this insanity my family adapts too. Because they don't and cant and some just won't understand. They are born in a perfectly fine families, with a working dad and a home-based mother, with furiously missable siblings and meticulous dinner every night. I'd lose, I'd give up my defeat, but not with this. 

And I got a plan over this week. Monday: Chemistry exam and physics project. Yoga and early bed. Tuesday: Fuckload of homework and reading. Glee and internet surfing. Wednesday: Stupid school. Organising my class's movie clips. Thursday: School, school, school. Friday: Have I mention school? Saturday-Sunday: Finishing the editing of the frikkin movie and trailer options and poster options and more options and whatever they want me to make.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


I think... I had some unfinished interest in Radiohead last year. I mean, I haven't had time to check it out until Rachel and Brody covered Creep last night in Guilty Pleasure and now it's my jam. I think, for a moment, I loved it because I love Rachel and Brody together, and I have loved every single of their duets. Even with the fact that Brody is a man whore. Nope. I don't care. They looked purrfect together and IDGAF. For me, there's no Lea Michele and Dean Geyer. Just Rachel and Brody.

So because I'm terribly mellow and hungry, I began to sip the lyrics and it kinda... Hit me. I'm creep, I'm a weirdo, I wish I was special, You're so very special, I want you to notice when I'm not around. I'm not saying that I'm degrading myself but to you, I'm lowest. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, moreover pity that I've put myself in such stupid position, but I think it's necessary. To feel sorry and low. At some point, I've seen myself as a conquerer, an on-top-of-the-world kid, ready to rule the world and all sort of things. I've been in conditions that you may never been in (and vice versa for that matter) and I believe it made me the person I am today. To have faith in being stupid and putting myself in stupid positions made me the person I am today. In changes I want to make and changed I've made. The song is just the hard slap in my face, followed with the fact that you don't care and I should too. The only thing keeping me is the promise I made you, and I'm sure you've promised me things in the past that you haven't pay... So, I guess I'm letting the promise go? I don't know. I'm still all weird about the situation. I guess I'm going to let it go.

Anyway... Yeah. I'm still pretty much head over heels with that unreachable guy. Emphasising on unreachable. Every day, he became more perfect than he already is and it hurts, man. It hurts. You being yourself is already irresistible and now, with every page unfolding and all, you've become much more impossible than you're already are. Impossible not to love (more).

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Oh dear, jika dua orang memang benar-benar saling menyukai satu sama lain. Itu bukan berarti mereka harus bersama saat ini juga. Tunggulah di waktu yang tepat, saat semua memang sudah siap, maka kebersamaan itu bisa jadi ‘hadiah’ yang hebat untuk orang-orang yang bersabar.
Sementara kalau waktunya belum tiba, sibukkanlah diri untuk terus menjadi lebih baik, bukan dengan melanggar banyak larangan. Waktu dan jarak akan menyingkap rahasia besarnya, apakah rasa suka itu semakin besar, atau semakin memudar.