Thursday, September 27, 2012

Me and my tiring habits.

{I love putting things into these cool version of parentheses} {peek my twitter bio}

Anyway I'm here to talk about my silly, stupid habits. Well, I believe that everyone have habits, like, seriously. You're not a frikkin human if you don't have one. I have a lot of habits and one of them is being loud and nagging 24/7. I think it's one of the kinks to be an only child because no matter how old you are, you're still Mommy's baby. Yes I know I just uploaded a very embarrassing personal details on the internet but truth is, I am mommy's baby (only now, I cost way more than formulas and diapers, and I pick colours for her clothes). 

Back to the habits.

Well, first, I have this very stupid condition where I can't eat when my Mom is not around. I think it's becoming an identity for my body, this silly condition is. I can't say that I'm somehow disorderous *is that even a word, wait, I should've put this in a cool parentheses* because I eat fine when Mom's around. I can't imagine being abroad, I think I have to life. Like right now. Mom is not home yet and I'm actually starving as hell. Have I eat today? Yes. I ate some pricey chicken cordon bleu at the school canteen {it's not pricey, it's just overpriced actually, hah, hyperbole is in the room} and ate nothing in second break when I usually get some fruity popsicles or crepes. And I passed out during biology {in front of the teacher too, I might add. I don't know if that's an achievement or an understatement}. But I have some notes too, thorough too. I think I was half sleeping because I was so tired from the morning, even though I didn't do anything heavy yesterday. I think it's my leftover energy {stupid me for not wasting it down for gym}. I've done the parentheses too much do I. Yes.

Anyway, here I am now, Mom is still driving home or in the office now. I can't call her nor eat so I'm calming my tummy with a cup of sugary yogurt. Hopefully the berries I'm chewing right now is not synthetic. I think I can see myself in the next two, well, maybe three years. Helplessly living without Mom running around in the house and eating my tummy out by consuming yogurt only. (NOTE TO SELF: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE PLEASE TWEET (OR ANYTHING 'IN' IN THAT MOMENT "I'M NOT TIRED OF EATING SYNTHETIC BERRIES OUT OF PLASTIC CUP THINGY. I'M PERFECTLY FINE AND I DO NOT MISS INDONESIA.") No, Elle&Vire, I know your berries aren't synthetic but still. It's so funny that they last a longtime. The weird thing is, I ate like a horse when Mom's around. Three course of big meals and four drinks, plus a slice of funky dessert? Please, I've been through all. I'm still amazed why I have Mom around and managed to not be overweight. 

Wait. I'm on the edge of falling into the overweight category.

Another habit is... Biting my nails. Well. It's normal. It's not normal-normal, but it's something many people have.


I'm impossible to reach when I'm reading! Sucked in to the pages, mostly. I could be in a train, in a meadow, on a horse, having a dinner, drunk, terrified, crying to myself, shrinking, be confident. It's the only place where I can try multiple things and where I learnt empathy. I still remember my homeroom teacher on third glass that I really need to work on being more empathic towards other people. I was barely ten, I didn't get a single word she said. But when I become more mature and grow older, I kinda get it. I suck at interacting with people so I chose fancy fiction instead. Another habit is being ignorant, of course. I know too many things to live happily in this world so I chose to not give a f--k about people but I guess? You can gap me by asking around about something but when you're not finished, I cut you right through with an 'Oh.' and I know it's highly annoying. I know. {bitch at heart}

This week has been hell and I'm a week away to midterms. God, give me strength.

P.S. I missed my ugly watch. Yeah. Even if it's ugly.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

BODY JAM 62...

... WAS FUN!

Hell yeah it was fun. The movement was quite complex (the jump turn &strip part... If you were there, you'll know) but the music was so-so... I kinda hoped for a better mix like 61 or 60 which really turn up my stamina and my mood. But maybe I wasn't enjoying it 100% like I usually do in Alvin's class because a) The girl in front of me wasn't dancing and she kept blocking the mirror from me and b) I ran, yes, ran in a nine centimetre heels earlier and it was painful. 

This is the tracklist

I like the groovedown part, because it has some floor action that's quite easy and cooling. My favourite part... Well, everything. I had a hard time following though especially the first time with the front kick/wiggle/side kick/wiggle choreo but I think I'll ace it in practice (in Alvin class, obviously). It's a major loss that I still have to continue English First because I'd love to put more time in gym, hence the fact that I still need to drop a couple of pounds but the Thursday/Tuesday/Weekends arrangement has been perfect for me, yay:D 

Watched TED today with Amel and I KNOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 20+ I KNOW I KNOW but I can't help it I really want to watch the fuzzy-thick eyebrow-bear so I kinda lied a bit during the ticket purchase. It's not like I'm going to say 'asshole' when I'm driving (because I'd be saying brengsek instead) or go on a binge drinking or smoke pot. The last point was obviously impossible because I'm highly allergic to smoke and carbon monoxides or whatever it is smoke made of and I'm not interested in hanging my life on a thin thread of weed. I know it's not wise for me to do so and let's just pray to god that if I ever have a child, s/he won't be running around, faking age like it's bound to happen (with me with glasses and wedges) or the technology just got better, like, you can ID a people by looking to their eyeballs//palms//wrist I don't know something the government could develop.

Cool tunes for the weekend and I'm off for a good Sunday tomorrow.

For all of you Lesmills throbbers, ENJOY SIXTY TWO!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Do you remember how good we used to look? We looked adorable, strong, untameable. Eyes locked to each other, hands knotted to one's another, skin to skin, our body scent submerged into one. Do you remember how people used to say... Fuck, they're still together? or Ugh, they're the couple. It's a frozen memory now that I still recollect every once in a while.

Day after day, I'm still waiting. No, not necessarily waiting for you. I want someone like you. Situation is eating me right now because truthfully, people changed. God damn it, I changed a lot. Including you with your new, exciting world. It's not that I'm sad that my world is so sucky without you, it's that I'm not happy I get to experience many wonderful things without you. Things you might be interested in, like learning a new sport or watching something interesting in a really foreign language. Things we wanted to do when we're still we. 

I thought I'd die losing you, I really did. But knowing I'm still breathing and functioning now, I'm better. I may be bitter, most likely to be bitter. But I like this. The discomfort that's moulding into my skin is becoming one of interesting things about me. I'm not over it; what we had, it was the time of my life. I'm not over it, but I don't want it again either. I know I kept walking in memory lane because that is the only place I get to meet you, the you I know. I kept recounting every words you've said to me, reliving it. My dreams become the best places I ever been. Waking up has been terrible for me, except when it's nightmares I'm having, or the kind of dream that doesn't have you in it. It's like having another life.

I can't remember dozens of regret I had, things we could do but I chose not to. Taking pictures to be exact. God, I wish I had something terribly romantic to keep in a box of memorabilia. You were never romantic, I can recall. But you were sweet. Super sweet. I can't remember being uncomfortable or feeling so low when we're we. Well, there are times when my self esteem just dropped to minus one. Those girls were pretty. Those girls had everything I didn't have. Those girls had everything that I want.

Ah, those girls.

You know, I'm over with dating the perfect guy. You were the perfect guy. You're like, something that popped out of the frikkin novel. No, wait, you came out of the frikkin movie. Like, you were John Tyree in Dear John. It's not that I hate dating the perfect guy. I loved dating you. As creepy as it sounds, I still remember how you'd touch me and chase me down when I slipped out on purpose. How you picked me a pen, taking it back and chose the pink mechanic pencil instead. How you drink your coffee and smirked when you sipped mine, and said "It's great." How regretful I am that I didn't choose the pen you picked for me, or that I didn't learn to like the coffee in your way. How much I hate myself for not saying I love you frequent enough, for asking Do you love me? frequent enough, for not saying how much you meant for me. What we had, was perfect. After years of thinking and wallowing, I finally know what I had was perfect.

I feel like I'm pushed to the future, and for now, I guess I don't need to be pushed anymore. Your memory lane will always be my favourite places. One of my favourite places. It defines me so much. What I want now is the future, I need to wrap the future around my finger. I'm no longer in need of a perfect guy, I want a perfect future. I'm not going to look for a replacement, but I'm going to look for a revision. A better version. Someone out there, in the world, hopefully (still not interested on dating extra territorial kinks). Because in my belief, a revision in the equation would make the aftermath even more perfect. A more perfect version, like you've wished for me.

Monday, September 17, 2012

OMG just found out Kafka's on the first volume of the great love letters book

Rain. Ef. Not a good combination.

TODAY IS FUN. Yay I (think) I aced my chem test, but what the hell I always think things and it will fall apart in a way that I don't want it to be. Freak. I made, like, stupid little tray with pizza and (what supposed to be) steak and veggies but it kinda looked like bread so I'd stick with bread (with tiny bits of veggie on the side because I'm a hipster and I eat veggies. Lol. Jk. I got a list of books to buy as usual and the top of the list is:

Ugh I'm so mellow. Ew mellow. But yay mellow because my galauness output is quite good to be frank but I don't like to be cocky but I do and enough with this but things. I miss reading Fifty Shades because I miss having Christian on my dreams side aside with Erandhi and now it's just Erandhi. Now playing: Lana's Dark Paradise. Anyway the book supposed to be amazing and I just wish I have a paypal account (so I could buy books on amazon dot com like a boss).

NERD ALERT! I'm having a crush on Joseph Vincent just because he's Joseph Vincent. His sleeve tattoo is nothing like scary or preman kampung at any point so yay! You had me at tattoo, J.V.

Let's just pray for a minute so my inner romantic mellow freak is strong enough to finish my words to you. Yes. Erandhi-you.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Going once, going twice.

Sold:) Kalo dipost disini, kayanya lebih banyak yang liat.

P.S. Aku Zombie IPA 3.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

D-d-d-dark paradise

Will buy my mdem tomorrow, yeay oh finally. Music of the Week: Lana Del Rey's Dark Paradise

Loving you forever can't be wrong, even though you're not here, won't move on.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Matah Ati: The beautiful kind of beauty.

(photos courtesy of Matah Ati Facebook, and further info about the play is on the website)

&These are my favourite, favourite scenes of all.

Rambutmu, mbak Rambat:(

First&second are the great war, the next two is either Rubiyah's kasmaran or gundah gulana scene, both are the solo piece of Mbak Rambat Yulianingsih, the amazing dancer that potrays Rubiyah or Matah Ati. Next is the villagers scene. At Solo, they're making hell out of laugh /and/ some of sensitive political jokes. I love it. It's snappy, it's fast and it's clever. The caping throwing is awesome too because you see a lot of movement in the stage and it closed the part beautifully. After is Rubiyah (Mbak Rambat) and Raden Mas Said in the great war. I really like this photo because it's Rubiyah that's in the spotlight, not Raden Mas Said. I love the story. It's so javanese, I love being javanese. But it's so modern, regarding the time (The setting was supposed to be  1700-1800-ish), it's amazing that a woman that's not actually priyayi or royal could lead the war and actually win. The last photo is the lovemaking scene and what I love about it, it's so sacred and calming but scary at the same time. Mbak Rambat looks so pretty and I want to be that pretty. Javanese pretty. Not I'm-a-fabulous-New-York-City-Woman but Javanese beauty. It scares me though that somehow, out of nowhere, a man could ask your dad for permission to marry you.

With Mom

Matur nuwun saget kagem sendratari Matah Ati. It was a life-changing moment for a while:)

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Solo tomorrow

For a one-night trip to Surakarta for Matah Ati (local news cover: here) and it should be fab-u-lous. I'm loving the school life right now; I really enjoy studying my favourite subjects and giving "I-don't-give-a-fuck-but-I-should-listen-anyway" attitude on some subjects that I really hate. Pft. 

Deutschland für die Zukunft!

I'm obsessed with my Pocketbac :B

Old glasses of mine. Will use this at school, my eyes are getting (too) sore!:(

Cool beat by the one and only Mahesa Utara,

P.S. I'm saving up real tight for my upcoming modem so... Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Oh wait the Glory Peony is my two hundredth post! YAY

Glory Peony

(blogging from Mom's laptop like a ten year old. I really need to get that savings cracking)

School starts tomorrow! Yay! I have missed studying a lot, watching my friends preparing themselves for post-chapter exams when I hardly learnt anything. I felt stupid and behind. Blah. But enough of that because school's starting. Rumour has it (after the whole deconstruction of school's boards, from the kindergarten to the high school ones) that our minimum scores will be eighty frikkin five. I'm going to work my ass off in these two years and this will be the hell of me. I'm starting German too, I'm so happy. Ich blablablablabla. Hahahahahaha. I know. I don't know. My mom has contacted an educational agent, which sounded so cool because I thought the only word I can came up with in using the word 'agent' is Travel and Bureau or cool stuff like that. Not education. Anyway the educational agent should come up with a plan of my stay there and all the costs and all the ways and planes and trains and tickets of u-bahn and m-bahn or something like that. What actually surprises me, I don't have to go to Netherlands to buy a pack of Indomie; There's this one, quirky shop in Hamburg that sells everything Indonesia called 'Toko Indonesia'. And I was like, "YES!!!" "HEAVEN!!!" and the only thing I kept thinking is that, I could use my sweet soy sauce shipping money for (more) of my books shipping, hehehehe. 

Current List(s) 
(I really need to create an account in listography for pete's sake I love lists)

Music: Walk Off The Earth's cover of B.O.B's Magic!
Flowers: Peonies and Sunflowers.
TV: Trace and FashionTV
Words: Abyss and Erandhi.