Sunday, February 26, 2012

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Jenuh




Lagi mood berbahasa indonesia nih. Mungkin masih tersisa pengaruh Nostalgia yang kemaren baru bikin, dan akhir-akhir ini nggak ada yang bisa di bahasa inggris-in. Anyway, enjoy my bahasa post!

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Terkadang, lari adalah satu-satunya jalan yang tepat. Meninggalkan seluruh kenangan dibelakang dan membuka lembaran baru, meneruskan langkah dan menjadi tak terhentikan. Terkadang, lari adalah satu-satunya jalan yang tepat. Terkadang, bukan.

Aku selalu berlari dan mencoba beradu kecepatan dengan waktu, menggunakan setiap detikku dengan sempurna dan tidak pernah menyesali apa yang telah terjadi di masa lalu. Tetapi ketika aku berlari dan mencoba melawan waktu, suatu yang membayangiku selalu menepuk lembut bahuku dan meminta untuk berlari lebih pelan, dan lebih pelan, dan terhenti. Membiarkan diriku termakan memori dan kenangan yang terus membanjiriku dengan hiasan hiasan lama dan rangkai kata yang memudar termakan umur. Membuatku untuk meraih lebih tinggi, lebih tinggi akan suatu yang tak pernah ada, atau tak lagi ada.

Terkadang aku tak membiarkan suatu itu menghancurkanku lebih parah. Aku menambah kecepatanku dan berpacu dengan waktu, berharap suatu itu tertinggal jauh dibelakang dan meninggalkanku sendiri menyepi. Namun, yang kulakukan hanya membuat duniaku berputar lebih cepat dan membuatku mundur teratur dan kembali pada titik tersebut, dimana seluruh hal yang berada disekitarku menjadi lebih sensitif dan menarik kasar diriku untuk terjun ke dalam kenangan yang terhempas waktu dan warna yang membiru.

Sampai detik ini, aku tak tau bagaimana caranya untuk berhenti terhanyut dalam semu, berhenti berlabuh dalam pilu, berhenti bertemu dengan sendu. Ketika cinta menjadi suatu yang tabu untuk dibicarakan dan ketika hati berhenti bergetar. Ketika rintik hujan menyentuh bumi dan mengedarkan sebuah aroma yang kuat dan menyesakkan. Ketika matahari mengeringkan genangan air dan kita berhenti bercermin. Tempat-tempat yang aneh untuk memulai perjalanan waktu, tapi hanya disitu aku menemukan sisa pembicaraan tengah malam kita, diikuti dengan senyuman yang meleleh dan daun rindu yang berguguran.

Satu demi satu.

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God, what has gotten into me.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Prolog: Siapa dia?

Kamu. Kamu seperti sepercik api yang tak kunjung padam, setetes air yang tak pernah mengering, sekuntum mawar yang tak akan layu. Kecil, simpel, namun bermakna dan membekas.

Aku masih ingat saat jari kita bertautan. Tidak pada kencan pertama, kedua, atau ketiga. Aku ingat, kita mulai berpegangan tangan di kencan keempat. Saat aku berjalan melewati rak buku fiksi di toko buku lama dan menggapai Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream, membolak balik halamannya yang termakan waktu, terlihat lelah dan rustic, memuat bau buku tua yang sangat tajam. "Aku mau ini, aku boleh beli kan?" Kalimat pertama yang aku ucapkan di kencan tersebut. Saat kamu menggapai bundelan tua, meraba kertasnya, "Shakespeare lagi, kamu yakin? Aku nggak mau kamu menggantung harapan aku bisa sepuitis dia. Yang lain aja, yang lebih realistis." ujarmu, mengembalikan buku itu dirak. Nyaris saja kamu berbelok ke lorong buku sebelah, tapi aku reflek menarik tanganmu dan merengek, "Please? Siapa juga yang mau berharap kamu sepuitis Shakespeare, tapi aku mau baca Midsummer Night's Dream?" Dan saat itu aku sadar. Tanganmu ada ditanganku, dan matamu melekat di sentuhan reflek yang kuberikan. Aku menarik tanganku, melepaskannya dari ikatan tersebut, dan berkata, "Yasudah kalau nggak boleh. Aku cari yang lain." Tapi saat aku berbalik arah, menuju rak buku lain untuk mencari Proust, kamu meraih lenganku, menarik Midsummer Night's Dream dari rak, dan menggeretku ke kasir. 

"Satu. Nggak boleh bete sampai satu minggu kedepan." Mana bisa aku bete, kalo aku punya bacaan kualitas Shakespeare ditangan? Saat aku memekik kegirangan, kamu menggapai sesuatu dipunggungku dan mengeluarkan benda manis itu. "Buat kamu. Aku nggak bisa berkomunikasi dengan kata, but action is better than words." Mawar yang sudah mengering itu masih kusimpan dibagian paling belakang lemari pakaianku.

---

Entahlah, antara mata hijauku yang terlalu cerah atau rambut coklatku yang terlalu pekat. Orang orang tidak pernah menanggapku serius. Namun kamu, kamu percaya ada seorang kutu buku berantakan yang memakai kacamatanya terlalu longgar, yang menyelami buku lima ratus halaman dan mendengarkan Frank Sinatra dengan vinyl dalam diriku. Yang impulsif, yang terlalu sederhana untuk dirusak. Aku sedang menunggumu dibangku kedai kopi klasik, beraroma espresso, bernuansa coklat dengan kontras karamel, berperabot rotan dan kaca hitam yang gelap, misterius. Saat kamu datang, menggunakan sehelai kemeja yang lelah dan celana jeans yang kusut. "Ibu, ibuku baru saja terkena serangan jantung."

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Aku terduduk di bangku rumah sakit modern itu sambil mencengkram segelas kopi berwarna hitam pekat. "Aku terlalu muda, aku nggak tau ibu kenapa." "Kamu kira aku juga tau?" Aku menguatkan cengkramanku pada gelas kopiku. Gelas kertas itu nyaris saja tertekan dan menumpahkan sebagian isinya diatas rok pastelku. Dia hidup tanpa ayah. Sesaat setelah ia lahir, ayahnya mengalami kecelakaan di jalan tol dan meninggal di ambulans. Aku lupa apa rasanya dibelikan mainan oleh ayah, diajari memanjat pohon dan menerbangkan layangan. Saat dia mengatakannya, aku langsung memotong dialog tersebut. Kamu nggak lupa, kamu nggak pernah merasakan. Ironis. Dan saat ini, ibunya terkulai didalam cardiac intensive care unit. Aku tidak bisa membayangkan berada di posisinya sekarang. "Kamu sudah telpon Mommy?" tanyanya saat aku memutuskan untuk memesan segelas kopi lagi. "Sudah. She sends her love. Mungkin besok dia datang dan menjenguk Ibu."

"Keluarga Ibu Ararya?" seorang dokter pria berkacamata keluar dari balik pintu putih berkaca bening. "Saya anaknya. Bagaimana keadaan Ibu, dok?" tanyanya. Aku menahan diriku untuk turut berdiri dan mengajukan sepuluh pertanyaan tentang kondisi ibu sekarang. "Ibu sudah semakin membaik, walaupun masih butuh beberapa hari untuk pemulihan." kata Dokter Stolin, membolak-balik kertas dipapan jalannya. "Beberapa saat lagi ia akan terbangun, kamu bisa mengunjungi ruangannya di kamar 254." Ia tersenyum tipis dan kembali menghilang dibalik pintu putih itu. "Kamar 254 adalah kamar ekonomi. Aku tidak bisa membiarkan Ibu pulih diruangan yang tidak kompeten. Aku akan coba bicara pada suster." Namun aku sudah tak bisa melihat wajahmu yang memucat dan terlihat pias setiap menit. Walaupun ragu, aku membiarkan kata-kata yang menggantung diujung lidahku itu bebas, mengalun hingga telingamu. "Pergilah ke kamar Ibu, aku akan mengurus kepindahan ibu."

Aku dan dia, tidak berpacaran. Namun, tidak bisa disebut teman. Kami berlaku berlebihan untuk disebut sahabat. Kami tidak berpacaran, tapi kami berkomitmen. Untuk bersama disaat tipis dan tebal, disaat bosan dan terhibur. Kami sudah berkomitmen sejak aku umur tujuh belas; Aku berumur sembilan belas sekarang. Dan kamu, tidak terlihat seperti laki-laki berumur dua puluh. Kami berkenalan di kampus, cliche. Aku jurusan komunikasi, dia jurusan teknik mesin. Kami adalah dua individu yang sangat berbeda, tapi punya banyak kesamaan. Orang tua kami selalu mengira kami punya tujuan yang statis, sayangnya, tujuan kami cuma satu. Bahagia. Dan terkadang, bahagia hanya ada di kondisi tertentu, dimana semuanya berubah dan akan menyerang waktu.

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Aku mencoba membuka mataku. Aku terbangun diatas ranjang empuk berbantal bulu angsa yang dilapisi sarung sutera. Aku mendengar derap dentum sol sepatu beradu dengan lantai parkit kamarku. "Selamat pagi, Aleafea. Air mandimu sudah siap."

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Satu pertanyaan; siapa lelaki itu?

Tugas Berujung Pilu

Hari ini dapet tugas bikin puisi dari Bu Ani. Puisi apa aja, yang penting ada citraannya. Citraan yang paling aku suka itu citraan penciuman, karena bau-bauan tuh paling sensitif buatku. Jangan jangan aku manusia setengah anjing-_-

Btw, puisinya sebenernya agak random, dan sedih/galau juga. See? I have proven that I can be galau, just like you guys!

"Nostalgia

Sebersit layang alis tebalmu dibenakku
Kerut matamu saat tertawa
Bariton berat menggema kelam di setiap jejak langkahku

Aku menemukanmu di tiap rintik hujan
Saar rinainya menyentuh bumi
Semerbak aroma hujan memenuhi nafasku
Segenggam kenangan menyusup anganku

Terseret hatiku mencoba mengejarmu
Terluka diriku mencari engkau
Dibalik pintu-pintu memori
Yang tersibak di balik malam gelap"

Sebenernya disitu mau ngejelasin kalau aku selalu dikejar bayangan, bayangannya semu, nggak pernah ada sebenernya. Dikejar memori, yang nggak mungkin terulang kembali. Disitu juga aku sebutin hujan, karena bau kulitnya si subyek pembicaraan ini tuh bau hujan, hence the 'aku menemukanmu di tiap rintik hujan'.

Don't we all have that bits of pieces that still love the past all over us?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

H-4

Bracing myself on how many pictures I can took.
 

Who's dream I'm in?

The family I never had.

Today's event went very well, indeed and I love X4 too for constantly staying on top and winning. I finally know the feeling of being the people backstage; knowing scores, timing the competition, reaching out to friends so they'll come in and watch the show. I am still not over the fact that I am panitia and I am one of the magic helper with pixie dusts that supporting each event to come alive and went well.

As usual, we have our general briefing of all we just do. Some of us are really pleased on how it went, especially the Shalawat competition because every class has put a lot of thought into it. But some of us, just, don't.

There's this one person that always missing; or let's just be up front and dirty; not doing his job well. We've been nothing but confronting him all the time. And truthfully, all of that confronting had no result at all, until we decided to social confront him. We sat in a room and we just blurted out our feelings and thoughts about him.

I remember saying things like, "Semua punya watak. Cuek, siapa yang enggak cuek? (Because I personally thought I am one) Tapi at least kamu bayar tanggung jawab kamu sama OSBI, tau situasi lah, dimana harus cuek, dan dimana harus bertanggung jawab sama tepati janji" Because... Don't you felt a little bit betrayed when you're all over the place, uncomfortably sweating from wearing the alma mater jacket, timing the competition, and some dudes is having fun playing a game of football? And the chills I got from reading offending status updates, I just can't take it anymore; half of OSBI too. So some of us try to explained and we apologize, everybody apologize. But something is hanging for me, as he didn't give any explanation.

Here's the thing. One of the advantage of being in an organization is being loved by many and loving many. I don't mean like, everybody is having romantic relationships with everybody but more as unity, as a family, as the place you run to when you have nowhere to go. The people you seek when you're lost, the affection you find when you're low. Having people with the same goal and the destination around you, makes it so much easier than being alone in the sea of question marks. Truly I found intense affection in OSBI, because I found new bestfriends, new picture-buddy, new coffee-mates. And I just want you to know that I'm somewhat in your shoes, and I found another missing puzzle piece from OSBI. Don't reject, don't hide anything, because in unity we're great listeners and if you got a story, tell us. Who knows, the answers are just right in the corner and it will be so much easier for you to enjoy life and everything surrounding you.

I just want you to know that we will accept you in any shapes you're in, and any explanation you're giving will be taken in seriously. Rejecting us and neglecting your responsibility will not help and sometimes just the act of sharing a painful thing can relieve some of the pain.

OSBI 11/12 is one of family I never had. Not for what it looks, but for what it gave me.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Asexual

For most of the time, when people are in their dilemmas and listening to a mellow songs, I often get questions like, "Lo pernah galau nggak sih, Brin?" The answer is, of course I have.

And then popped in another question. "Galau tentang pacaran? Tentang cinta, gitu?" Well, fyi, I have. Quite a lot. But I never think about it so often, because thinking about it will only make it much more sadder, more complicated, more daliesque; a position I do not want to be in. I want to be able to control everything, I want the world to be on my hands, hugging me and showering me with positivity. So no, I didn't think of that very often. And yes, I don't want to marry too soon. 

"Define too soon?" I don't want to be married in my early twenties (the perfect age, according to my grannies and tetua in my family) and feel like I'm in burden of everything. I don;t want to be married so young, it's so immature for us to think what's good for us and what's bad. I'm fifteen now, and normally, young girls has begin planning their wedding. What it will be like, the flower arrangements, the food, the year of the serving champagne, the 'him'. But me? When I heard the word 'wedding', I remembered my Mom's. When I heard the word 'family', it just me, and a child. No man. The picture I've been grown into for almost all my life.

I do want to have a baby in my early twenties. My early twenties are my gems, my catalyst of life. I want to do everything and I want to explore the world as much as I can. And one of my planned exploration, beside visiting Turkey and Dubai and eat pizzas in Naples, is growing a kid. I remembered the day, when I'm in a motivating class with a professional motivator. He asked us to take out a piece of paper, a pen, and wrote anything that went into our minds when he asks us question.

#1. Your name
= Shabrina Alfiaputri Sidharta.
#2. Your future profession
= A businesswoman; or a journalist.
#3. What you're going to do in the next two hours
= Eat and head home.
#4. What you're going to give to your mother if you could give her anything
= Heaven.
#5. What you're going to be in the future
= A mom.

I peeked all of my friends answered. One answered that she wanted to be a doctor. Another put down 'a very successful person'. Another has teacher, astronaut, a social worker. But it's seems that only me that wrote down 'a mom'. My reflex when I hear 'the future' is not a seat in a very important company, or the bank accounts that filled every minutes with profits of my business. When I hear future, I hear 'a kid'. 'Mommy'.

But the twist is, the picture of 'the future' is without a man. It's me, raising a kid all by myself.

So here's the thing. I want to get married. In the future, of course I will. And the only thing that making me do that is the 'him'. Whether he's smart enough, cute enough (I'm sorry, I cannot be a hypocrite; look does matter), understand me enough, has an enough thickness of eyebrows. And other than that, I will not. "Then where will you get the baby you want to raised?" There are hundreds millions of orphans babies, thrown out babies, poor babies, and very available to adopt. I may not be his/her real mommy, but I will sure be his/her inspiration mommy. The door s/he's going to go into, the view s/he's looking forward to see, the breath of fresh air s/he's been waiting. I'd do anything to get a baby to raised when I'm in my early/mid twenties. Just... Don't put your hopes up for me to marry. My kind of guy is so hard to find :))

It's girls who run the world

Sunday, February 12, 2012

What's your pick?


Mine: Intelligent and good looking; because being stable is boring!

And I'm digging male models right now. Urgh Harvey Newton Haydon. Click for portfolio.

Can I just catch some sleep in a bottle, and opened it when I need a break?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Too Much Holiday, School Shock Disorder

I'm still not over my holiday. Hoam. I've been sleepy all day but when I got home, I didn't sleep at all. I spent twenty minutes deciding movies and spent another ninety not watching it. I don't know what's gotten into me. I think I need new strings for my guitars. I haven't buy eraser and correction tape. I kept blanking out on tasks, teachers started to reprimand me. "Brina, what's wrong?" "Brina, you're not in your usual study buzz." "Brina, where's your assignments? You're not you." "Brina, you used to study harder, what is this all about?" And all I can do is stand there stupidly, giving a blank stare, and said, "I don't know, bu."

I want to be better this semester. I have to. I have too much dreams and too much ambition to fail. I have too much expectations and people counting their steps on me. And feeling slightly, well, so much unfocused is killing me. I still have so much to finish, so much in my tasks list. I'm always skipping the hard ones, and today I relied on people, copying their work straight off the book. I don't feel like myself lately, despite my endless inspiration on the bahasa short story I'm working on.

Damn, I got ennui. I have to fix this... Weird syndrome out of me by this weekend.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Meet my ultimate mood booster, D.C.

Hip cat, btw.

My rockstar, Darren Criss♡♡♡

 That brows KILLLLLLLLL





His unshaven version is hawwttt. I kept flinching, seeing him.

My favourites from the show. Lea and Darren, please. They're perfect to heaven.



And I'm done! Get ready for school, gypsies!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Virginia Woolf once said,

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction."

Currently reading one of her work; Mrs. Dalloway.
I am a firm believer on her saying, that “Books are the mirrors of the soul.” It's true. If one said, it's the eating, or it's the eyes, or it's behavior and words, I'd said the books they're reading. And reading Virginia Woolf's novel, is a dead stare in the mirror. A dead stare into the cliff. 

In books, I find different version of me strolling down the rusty pages, exploring the syntax and the choice of words the Author used.

When I'm Jane Austen kind of girl, I picture me as a simple, village girl that worries too much of not finding a husband in time; or chasing down a big love on a cold stone statue. I was strolling around in England, wearing sweet pastel gowns and round hats, getting ready to go to the dance. Then I get to have my version of Mr. Darcy.

Then I get to read the most pop book ever, Cecily von Ziegesar's Gossip Girl; I watched the TV-show first. I was Blair Waldorf, pushing people to swept dirt off my stilettos and screaming the maid name's just because my tea isn't hot enough. I went out with Dan Humphrey, my version, to Brooklyn and watch the most prettiest and most amazing paintings. Went photo camping at the Central Park and saw Broadway live, with Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel on stage. Then I'm enjoying a glass of chardonnay, accompanied by a plate of escargot and trio of lamb. I use the most fabulous gowns and I wear the most sick shoes ever made.

My favorite... was reading Dear John. I'm Savannah, whose boyfriend is in the middle of the war. Dangerous, risky, sad, heartbreaking. And in the end, I marry someone else. Someone I don't love, but someone who needs me. I dealt with horse poo and autism kid, built a house and being kissed in the rain; Places, conditions I never have been in before, but was so believable that I'm always biased in the end of the book.

And reading Virginia Woolf, I'd say I won't fill my pockets with stones and run away to the nearest lake.

“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.”

Free days, at last.

So... the 6th until the 9th, 10th and 11th graders in my school are dismissed from school for good, because the 12th graders is having their try outs of the national examination. Freaky, I'll say. I know I just done that a year ago, but in two years, that daunting things will come again to haunt me. Freaky.

In this days, I decided to pack up my schedule pretty tight. At the 6th, I went to school for student council meeting; we're going to have our second event (first was classmeeting), and went to the gym until 3pm. I got home and watched the second season of 'The Nanny'. I went to bed early (as usual).

7th. I went to school to finish up some homeworks with Hilmi, Rina, Abiw, and other anak OSIS like Maul, Sasa Ega, Asti, Oka, plus Alif and Rayhan (but they didn't joined us for discussion so...). Kamal was there but he went everywhere. After that I didn't go to the gym, but I watched America's Next Top Model cycle 4; I know, way back in Naima's season. I love the fact Naima won, because she's been so amazing since day one!:p

Oh, I received a bad news from my friend, her mother passed away because of the sickness she had been into. Dhea, please be strong as ever, we're here to give endless support to you.

8th; today. I supposed to go to Dhea's mom funeral but I fell asleep to soon the night before (as usual) so I don't know the schedule and everything. I feel so stupid for sleeping a lot. At 12pm we went to Botanical Garden to find some foreigners and we found two! Both of them are scientist from Switzerland and I'm really grateful to God because, the foreigners cannot be better than these two.

9th. Tomorrow. I'm still looking forward to it.

Btw, my holiday book is Kafka's The Metamorphosis and Winna Efendi's Unforgettable. I read Unforgettable quite thoroughly because the style of writing is very new for me! There's no quote unquote and no passive voice. It's a great experience to read something new, something with twisty dialog and giving so much love and thought again for reading.

P.S. I added a new song in the playlist; give it a listen!:)

Monday, February 6, 2012

Hellow!

I had an amazing weekend! At Saturday I shopped a bit (a shirt and few headbands from Zara and F21), watched Super Junior SuShow3 in 3D, had angus beef, bought 2 dozen of macaron (and surprisingly, ate them all). At Sunday, I think I'm on hangover or something because I ate a lot and sleep a lot. This day, I went to school for OSIS gatherings and found out that I'm responsible for the story telling contest we held in the celebration of Maulid Nabi. I had so much fun and I think I might enjoy a few k-pop songs in my iPod songlist!

My favourite......


because, duh, I'm a 미인아 :p

Friday, February 3, 2012

Excuse me, st00pid d00d

Tomorrow: Watch SUJU 3D at GrandIndonesia's Blitz Megaplex. I haven't chose any thing to wear so I might've caused a riot tomorrow morning.

Next Week: School gave us a little vacation to enjoy ourselves, I wish I could go somewhere, give something a little visit before I get back to the hectic school week. Plus the assignments the teachers gave us; I'm telling you, they are holding revenges on us as we speak. IT'S A FUCKLOAD OF ASSIGNMENTS. My tasks are getting smaller and smaller in scrolls nowadays.

And I joined the Padusa or the choir of the school, yay! It seems to me that I... Have nothing to be proud of and Glee simply inspires so... I'm in. I don't know which part I'm going to sing yet, but I have nothing but the best for this opportunity. Can't pass another good one anymore, I guess?

As you know I joined Karya Ilmiah Remaja too and my project know is extracting pectin out of passion fruit's peeled skin. I can't wait to do some actual research and eat so much passion fruit in the way.

I need to learn physics! Dang.

Btw, saying bad stuff, cursing, has bad effects on you, don't you think? I never felt more guilt than I am now for cursing and being unable to control my anger in public.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Ten four, we got a ten four around here

Ten-four is a CB radio term that means "message acknowledged."

But my version of 10-4 here is more special, more...... Awesome. I know I may went head over heels with you guys and I know how my laugh can be a burden (I hate them too, but, what can I do?), also how I can be very anxious with myself and things surrounding me. But here's the thing, you guys have earned a special place in my heart, crazy special for those who really make it. Like what Icha did, I'm going to post a brief description of people in the asylum/classroom, and I'm going to use some bahasa, yay! Btw, unlike Icha, my version is more... serious? He he I can't be funny.

Alifandi Achmad Gardadien. The bully, the evermore #ReseMastermind. You've been nothing but pain everytime I'm in class, in OSBI meetings too. And you're more noisy than me. Well. You could be. And don't engage people to bully me, just because you think it's worth smiling for.

Alifia Nur Utami Firmansyah. Si jago gambar yang kalo gambar rambut selalu f l a w l e s s.

Aris Hardianto. Nggak kenal sama sekali sebenernya, kayanya juga dia nggak pernah sebut 'Brina' ataupun apapun menyangkut aku....

Basyarayni Mawla Fatha. Dia baik banget! Pecinta Nyam Nyam Rice Crispy. Gambarnya bagus, tapi suka nggak pede. Si nggak teliti. HAAH??? JAAARRRUUUUKKKKK???

Carin Adharani. Ayn-ku sayang, Ayn-ku cinta♡ Apa artinya hari kalo nggak ada Ayn? Temen tebak tebakan anak gaul, temen "Eh ayn kamu kenal sama *isi nama disini* kannn???"

Farah Anisati Bariz. Lucu banget, kesayangan dari semua anak X4. Kalo ketawa sampe sujud, guling guling, tapi lima belas menit kemudian galau-_- Nggak kaya papan gilesan kok, soalnya kalo itu kan serem, bergerigi gitu....

Feby Wulandari. Sekalinya niat, dikerjain bener bener. Sekalinya gak niat... Disentuh pun enggak. Ya kan bi? :p

Hanifah Husein. Melayu thai-ku♡ Tumblr FAMOUS. 3k+ followers, and keep growing. Businesswoman jualan teh, ya nggak ann? :D

Ken Aully. Ini nih cs-nya Alif bikin aku sengsara dikelas. Baunya nyebar kemana mana, radius 5 m udah kecium. Kalo abis main bola, kaya abis kecebur kolam..........

Maulida Aulia Rezki. Si hamsternya cokiber x4+amel. Temenan tiga tahun bikin aku bisa gue-lu dan ceplas ceplos gila-gilaan sama dia. Kalo dia udah teriak teriak...... Bawaannya pengen kubur dalem lubang saking bikin pusingnya. Lebih riweh daripada aku, tapi anehnya nggak pernah dibully.... Mungkin aku harus punya pacar anak kelas dua belas juga.

Muhammad Novaldi. Udah berapa kali postpone, val?

Muhammad Naufal Mauludy. Lupa? O gitu ya? Guys, anything else? *clap*

Nashsharino Rudino. Deketnya sama Rifqi nggak wajar. Beneran deh. Tapi mirip, jadi kaya kembar beda ibu sm bapak. Suka aneh, kadang baik, kadang rese.

Nisrina Ulfah Budhyono. Si galaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooo yang jonathan. Kalo udah ketawa bareng rina+Icha, nggak bisa berenti, sampe nangis. Seru diajak sekelompok bareng, hampir semua pelajaran!:)

Nuriah Ulfah. Cantik, pake kerudungnya rapi banget. Aku terinspirasi loh.

Rifqi Fadhil Ekaputra. Si poetic. Kalo udah ngegombal nggak ada berhentinya, sok-sok anti galau padahal udah kaya makan aja galau, 3x sehari. Hasilnya? Puisi gombalan yang entah kenapa selalu ada kata bola salju-nya.
Rizky Fauziah. Kika si idaman cowok cowok! Sekelompok sama Kika juga seru, bisa diajak kerja sama banget. Semua semua pink!

Rosyidah Putri. Sering nggak masuk, apalagi hari Rabu. Inget banget dulu pernah jatuh sampe berdarah darah +roknya sobek....

And me, as the last person on earth. If I'd describe myself, I'd say I'm a very bawel person, and I'm a peace lover. 

Mwah X4!!!!!!!!!!! much xoxoxosss

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Some people get it, some people just don't

They said I need to change

So I change. For a straight 20 minutes? I yelled at them, I cursed, I gave them my middle finger, and I cursed them some more. I never feel so low in my entire life.

Here's the thing. My mother always taught me to be nice to everyone, to gave one more chance to everyone, to not hate and to spread vanilla scented covered-dipped in chocolate-happiness. I was not born to curse, to hate people, to be bad, to rebel. I was born to accept any kind of truth and facts with positivity because that's what's human nature is; being positive. I was never an ordinary choose you'll find out of ten person. I have my quirks, and one of my quirks is being positive.

But when it fails, I always cry. I know that crying is not really positive, it reeks negativity. I remembered when I was younger, every time I cry, my mother would be even more mad. And yet, that is what I always do when I can't be more positive. Well, too much electron will release some, right? And this time, this particular year, has been nothing but negativity for me. I always ended up crying everyday, and I'm having a hard time being positive. I try to smile a lot when I'm around this negativity but, yes, I ended up crying. I guess I'm not positive enough to release smiles?

I'm turning sixteen in a few months, and I want my sixteen to be different. I want to be able to say gue-lu without feeling less positive, nor guilty, I want to be mad and bold, being taken seriously. I want to grow up, be the person with less quirkiness and yet, still me. I know it's a major change because, it's almost everything against what my mother taught me (to be positive, and just that). Until I could change a few habit of mine, I'd say...


Btw Icha, your description? Priceless!! 

"Brina, fashionista, suka dibully sama Alif & Ken, suka berisik juga, ketawanya khas (kunti aja lewat~) suka Darren Criss"