Tuesday, July 31, 2012

They care; they just don't give a f@#$ about it.

Hello hello. The week has been (and will be, anyway) tough because XI-IPA3 is practising the Nasheed performance, yay! It's the biggest gig and I'm looking forward to it each day. 

Enough with the happy-happy-screw-life-I-love-my-mess vibe. Everybody knows that there's gazillion secrets behind one's smile, and I hide a lot. I'm working on diverting every stressful bone inside of me so it'll be a super strong and determined bone for me to study, like it's my first priority. LIKE. I know for sure studying will never be my thing but what the hell, if we can fake every emotion there is, why can't we fake this one. Have I told you that chances are I'd be spending my college time in Germany? Well, I don't want to go but I kinda want to go. Won't it be cute, sporting my knit hats and red lipstick in the middle of a snowed land, or a Burberry trench coat, layering a black peplum dress with Wolford and Jeffrey Campbell. And bringing a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc home, and eating greens all week because I ran out of money. The things that's keeping me here are Christmas and my friends! I can't imagine Christmas without Oma, and Ramadan without the hecticness of planning Buka Bersama. I want to go but I don't want to go. Bapak haven't told me the circumstances of me, going to Germany because the last time I saw Bapak, we didn't discuss much. 

The other thing is... I always feel like I will never be enough. Never. My efforts will always be useless and pointless. It's like, I'm a clear glass that kept growing out of heat and there will always be a curious hollowness inside of me, wanting to be filled but will always be empty. And at times, they just knocked me out and crash me into pieces because I'm a) replaceable and b) useless. I'm easy to find, it's not that hard finding someone who's anguished and tired to the bones. I'm not funny and I never made other people laugh, proud, happy, smile, or anything good. I'm nothing near special and to be quite honest, I've done bad things along the way and I'm in no way to be proud. Don't you just wish that you could break the rule and live your life in your way, without being judged and whispered and talked about. Like, everybody cares but they don't give a fuck. I will never be bored but I believe that small minds discuss people, averages discuss events and smart-asses discuss ideas. And those small minds stick things to you. Labels, judgements, thoughts that should be kept personal but they blabbed it anyway. I know I'm one of them, I like judging people in their face. I like labelling people and keeping that burning hatred, violence choice of words inside of me, it's like a ticking time bomb that could explode anytime and many time as I wish. Like, sometimes you just snapped? Well, I just snapped today. For being not worthy enough, for being stupid, for being such a chaotic person, for being anything and everything I am today because frankly, if Clean Slate exists, I want my hands on it. I'd kill to get my hands on it. I don't know what I will be if I could start fresh. But I know what I'll be keeping: My reckless amount dorkiness and the extinct humorous kick inside of me.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

QOTW: Everyday Tea.

Ramadan made me drink sweet tea, almost everyday. It's sort of a healing remedy for me. I know it sounds so drama but I'm all chocked up inside.

Too cold/too hot?

Hello, still not over the Batman hype hehehehe. I want to watch it once again today but turns out someone is running late so we watched Ice Age instead. I wanted to watch Streetdance 2 tonight for midnight but I think I'm going to cancel because mom is sick and I just think two movies in a row is a bit extreme for me (who's happily smiling and not in a weeping mode at all). Me+the boys went for the photobox and I'm pretty glad that I'm the prettiest head:p We, no, I'm sorry, I went scouting for books to be filmed next semester and met Icha in the bookstore. After minutes of doing nothing and emptiness, we got in to the studio and watch the movie. I think it was okay, compared to the uber-coolness of The Dark Knight Rises. Today was fine but Mom topped it off with Homemade Soto Padang and Bapak&I chatted about the economy, again. It's becoming a habit and I always wanted to give him ideas on his current projects (On making sustainable energy source by maximising the coal that will eventually run out in, like, fifty years) and new concept for the new company. I think I'm stuck in business school because working in Bapak's company sounds so good and yes, I will enjoy it. Not to mention that he allowed me using sheer flowery skirts and velvet pump shoes with neon nail polish and black lined eyes at work hehehehe. I think I'm going to succeed Bapak's plan to get me in school on time so I'd be getting my Doctoral in the age of twenty five. Ten years to go. Ten.

NO SERIOUSLY. What ever happened to the I-want-something-like-that-with-someone-like-you??!!

I will. I promise!

New addition to the infamously random CD collection:

Thank you Zizi:3

P.S. Thinking of getting something matched for Eid Al-Fitr with Meivy, I should look for fabrics ASAP.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What is it that we seek.

It's only in love and in murder that we still remain sincere.
Friedrich D├╝rrenmatt.

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

Apa kamu percaya cinta pada pandangan pertama?" | "Sepertinya orang lebih bisa mengerti cinta pada pelukan terakhir. - @zarryhendrik


Hello! I forgot to tell you about EF yesterday. Mom forgot to give me money so I didn't have the book yet, sigh. We have three new kid in the class and I'm so glad. If you're somehow reading this, one of you, excuse my noise when I'm with Zizi. What you should know is that (a) We're not really humans, (b) We're like Tom and Jerry and (c) We both made out of firecrackers or things that's REALLY really noisy, but cool, like, I don't know, an AK-47? Hehehehe. If you're in any way disturbed you should talk to Zizi because he started most of the distraction we had.

I watched batman again today, and I'm going to watch it for the third time, and fourth, and fifth, and sixth, and so on until it run out of theatre. It's sooooo cool and mindblowingly awesome! Sucks that Zizi noticed one of the trick though, sigh. I skipped sahur today, and my stomach just become extremely sour:( I tried to soak up the acid with blueberry muffin but I ended up throwing it up like a stupid bulimic kid hhh. I calm my self down by putting make up on and skipped dinner. Hell yeah it's going to hurt.

So about the quotes... During my hot shower, the quotes just keep bouncing on my mind. Here's the truth. My favourite thoughts was... If true love is like ghost, does that mean it's delusional also? Like, ghost is inexistent, it does not exist. There's no science that could explain that ghost does exist and it's like, imaginative. I know, true love is such an overrated word to describe a situation or to use in an explanation. But still, don't you have those bits inside of you that crave true love?

My bestfriend is so wise, people, I'm touched:')

Me playing with eyeliners. See!!!! My eyes looked normal:p

P.S. For GKSR, I'll be playing the guitar with Ken Aully plus we're in the card-designing team too! Jellies? :]

Monday, July 23, 2012

Four Words: The Dark Knight Rises.

FIRST DAY OF (NORMAL) SCHOOL! Yay. I did nearly 70 numbers of basic math today and recite Quran. Met the new girl, her name is Rani. Turns out we have a mutual friend because she lived in Qatar and I got a bestfriend there:B Hmmm watched The Dark Knight Rises today, nuf said, it's a kickass amazing movie! It taught me a lot of stuff and I can't wait for the screencaps to fill tumblr hehehehehehe. I think I'm going to watch it again. Here's some awesome quotes!

Tell me it ain't ever coming back.

 Know what, I'm actually worried.

For someone out there, you're strong!


Something like this for my future (happily ever after) wedding.

It took me almost sixteen years to sleep without the night on. I was afraid the monsters under my bed would just crawl out and eat me. Turns out, all you have to do is suit up so the monsters won't eat you.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Three's a charm.

(We put the order under Kamal's name: Juragan Kamal! :B)


(l-r: Kamal, Bos Dika, Hilmi, Kak Fadia, Me, Alif)

Ramadan: day three! So I've been looking forward to this day, like, since forever. No of course not, I'm just exaggerating hehehe. Kak Fadia planned the gathering since she got in to Undip. It was kind of... A farewell dinner since Kak Fadia is going away to Semarang and Bos Dika to Germany for college. It's a little crew of us lol 

Btw, the twist is that I didn't know Alif was coming. The seniors keep it on purpose! I came first to Domino's to book the seats and suddenly I saw Alif coming through the door. It was something like this:

B: Alif?Kamu ngapain disini?
A: Eh brin. Yang lainnya kemana?
B: Hah?
A: Buka bareng Fadia kan?

And my face just went "Dafuq?" all the time until Hilmi and Kamal arrived. Turns out they knew that Alif was coming and I'm the one who didn't know. Sigh, seniors >.< But today was so fun! We laughed our heart out and it was therapeutic for me hehehehe mostly we laugh because our personal stories and anecdotes that we kept retelling and sharing. I don't know, I don't have any words to describe today. It was priceless. Today was perfect!

Saturday, July 21, 2012


Hello! Ramadan day two! I stayed at the hotel in my PJs until noon, and I went home. I actually planned to watch a movie today but  thanks to my forever lazy ass, I cancelled them. I just have to watch The Dark Knight Rises within a week or... God. I want to see my babe Anne Hathaway in a catsuit so bad! (And mutter about it after, setting up crazy, unreachable diet programme. Uh-huh) I had poached teriyaki salmon and veggies today plus some fries for break fasting. Real food, unlike yesterday. And back in the hotel, I ordered some fried rice because I'm staarving. I was in the middle of my crazy photoshoot when mom came in and decided that I won't be up for sahur tomorrow, so I have to go to the boring hotel again. Yada. I want to watch a sappy movie but turns out I'm in the mood for Letters to Juliet instead. Hm. Weird. 

(One of my shots. I think I'll continue tomorrow...)

Crack of the day: BMW Goreng. BMW Cabai Hijau. BMW Kremes.
Galau of the day: I'll never discuss this, not in a million years, but either you're heartless or obviously oblivious. Maybe I'll come up with something... Ten years from now.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day One

Hello! Yes I scheduled this post. I forgot to post the post yesterday so here it goes (And I'm going to act as if I'm writing this post on 7/20 when it's actually 7/21, noon.)

I stayed at home all day long, except the two hours out to EF. The collage was completely bogus, just to narrate you through my mood during the day. I was... Swoon-y. I know I'm completely exaggerating and yes, I'm a bit freaked out. No one close to me was fasting today, except Jeje but in the morning she told me she got her period. Happy Birthday, bitch. All I did was watching the new dvds Mom just bought me. It has Bones and Criminal Minds and yes, I'm in marathon with Criminal Minds. I finished season six just yesterday and starting seven today. I know it's CREEPY. Super creepy because Criminal Minds is a fifty minutes footage of psychopaths and sociopaths and kooky guys with weapons hunting people, and sometimes the victim's condition is not pretty at all for the cockiness of a TV show. BUT. There's always going to be a but for me. Spencer Reid is waaay too awesome. Like, he's every dream guy of every sane girl out there. Geeky, polite, kickass genius, good looking, extremely fascinating, and by the look of his appearance I can suggest that he smells really good. And he got like, the cutest smile and though his brows are not as thick as I like it... He passed. He majored in psychology too, so that's something.

I didn't drink much liquids today and I should probably do that more often. I feel like feeling super dehydrated tomorrow. You know what, forget it.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

QOTW: Back To School

Embracing Ramadan

Hello! I'm fasting tomorrow with (this I'm sure) a bunch of people in Arab and some in Indonesia. I thought my family choose to be fasting on Saturday but turns out we picked Friday! It's so weird being an anomaly because me and my family always been following the government orders. 

I think Ramadan is a special time of the year where I just stop and reminiscing for a while. This includes praying more and reading the Quran way more hahahaha. I think Ramadan is a point where I just take back and relax, watching the time winds for a month and came up with a bucket list of what to do and not to do for the next Hegira year. I love Ramadan, but I don't think it's worth celebrating. It's a dark month for me, because most of my major changes happened in Ramadan. Cliche I know, but... Yeah. 

I think I'm going to blog daily for Ramadan so, here comes the #Ramadan label!❃☺

Sunday, July 15, 2012

H&R: Dear John

The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with Tim, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world, John. But I understand that I lost the right to know there things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then.
 I love both, you know. Both movie and novel. I can tell you that it's different though, very different. You should see (or read) it to yourself but here's a piece of my mind: Do you like a fantasy happy ending, or relatable yet it's a heart breaking ending?

That's what I like about reading and watching Dear John. The endings are different and I get to choose which I want to cry to in the end. As for Nicholas Sparks books, I always skip the ending. It's way too overrated. I skipped Dear John, I skipped The Notebook, I skipped True Believer. I know I had to know about it somewhere, reading it online or hearing a friend talking about it. But as for me, when the pages getting thin and I'm screwed just by holding the book with one hand without making it flip over and close, I closed the book. The end. All I know is they're still miserable, or they're still in love, or they're in the middle on something I don't know. This is such a bad habit to do as doing something and left them unfinished could spread out to another things like... Not finishing a meal or leaving a mess after the photoshoots I always have hehehe. But I know one thing about Nicholas Sparks' novel. It's always a bit unrealistic at some point, but you know you find so much mutuality in the characters and the decisions or the action they're having. It's like, Oh! This thing is practically impossible to be in a real life, this is such a fiction! and during your initial eye switch on the next page, you'll go O!M!G! I know the feeling, it's starting to feel real! thingies. The movies too. You can go smiling, making up scenarios in your head, going I can do that with him! and How sweet of John to do so, I wish I have someone to make me feel like Savannah but you'll cry and dwell on your pillow once the good scenes are over. It's such a roller coaster to experience. I know I'm not a very... Fond of roller coasters (especially if they're made out of woods, ouch!) and all the surprising, scary acts on movies and ghost houses and everything, but I'd take the emotional roller coaster I got while reading books. So far I only got emotional roller coasters when I'm reading a book. Hmm...

P.S. I hope I didn't grow up like Savannah, I mean... She loves someone but had to marry the other? I planned to marry young now, somewhere around twenty four to twenty six, but still have a career and university going on. I'm a sucker for my one and only marriage. And don't forget the two boys, woot!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Disappointed? Feeling stupid? Alienated? Weird? No, dude, EVERYTHING.

That's just a weird title isn't it? Hahahahahaha. I just want to tell you why I changed the site's title to Schizophe-brina and a little story about my new username, @brinasummer.

Schizophrenia... Known as a dodo-head, lunatic disease, is something I put zero interest in. I know it's weird, using something with zero enthusiasm as a title. But schizophrenia literally means to split one's mind. Schizo is to split, phren is mind. So, schizophe-brina literally means to split my mind, into things I can't in the real life. I wrote about my hopes and dreams here, and my daily life, and my fictions. Superficial fictions. And my crap. In my mind, the blog is splitting my reality into blocks of posts and for me, a deluded non-believer... It helps me separate my things.

And @brinasummer! No, I feel perfectly fine, not hot as summer. Do you watched (500) Days of Summer? I know, a mainstream movie. But seriously, the movie is packed with words of wisdom and I kinda want to see the world like Summer did. Love is a fantasy, relationships are messy and people got hurt. But in the end, she got the happy ending and Tom's the one who's messy all over again. Sure, he met Autumn, but still! He was dead miserable. The movie is realistic, that's what happen in real life. People got you disappointed, sad, gloomy and all fucked up. I like the fuzzy feeling I had post watching the movie. And after the long, hard, destructive rain, it will somehow stop and the sun will shine so bright and here comes the happily ever after!

Gotta hit the bed! Tomorrow is a SUPER early day:D


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

LOVE: But if I fall for you, I'll never recover.

I just got a bunch of songs from Rayhan. He left me Maroon5's newest album and I COMPLETELY fall in love with this particular song. This, and The Man Who Never Lied for the super catchy intro. It's like, whispers in my ears! :D

Monday, July 9, 2012

Humphrey: Wish I could smoke a fucking cigarette.

I'm reading Gossip Girl: Because I'm Worth It. The title is my favourite line (so far) and it's true. When you're addicted to something and you're under a... Jar that limit your movement and space, sometimes you just wish and wish and wish and curse, hoping that something happened that break the jar or let you go, free. I ship freedom, for god's sake. 

I cut my (left hand only) nails super short and painted the fingers with blue+glitter polish. I feel so rebellious but what the hell. I need to blow off some steam and pushing it to my nails is the pip to my murder, not generally speaking. Lol. I will never murder somebody. Something, maybe. Like I know I've murdered phones and gadgets and things that should've last longer but (thanks to me) it ended their life right away. Dude, I'm hard to handle. If you can't handle me in my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

I feel like cooking bunch of stuff. No, I feel like eating bunch of stuff. Do you know I've gained, like, seven-eight pounds? I know I insanely lost, like, five pounds in a matter of days but... Yeah. I ate so much without working out because the insanely schedule of mine. At least I enjoy them. Nothing like a good busyness plus a little headache here and then. I bought my school books cover! It's Cavallini&Co and it's so pretty! I know it tends to be a bit pricey but the quality is always the best and it's kind of rare, here, in my school hehehehehehe. Another thing is, the theme is always classic and they cover A LOT of New York stuff. Paris, London, Rome too, and amazing rustic (but delightful) world maps. You should check out their website. The price ranges to IDR50-400ish and if you're interested you can contact your nearest Aksara store:)  My favourite is in Kemang (I used to go to Plaza Indonesia, always. But since my favourite department store closed down, I switched to Kemang) because it's so spacious and the store next door to it sells Docmarts! I'm saving up for buying another pair, I want the patterned one, preferably before I went to Year 12. 

#1: La dolce vita, baby! #5: + Look so slutty, it hurts for people to see me. I'm high, people. I'm high.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

FICTION: Love embellished, star crossed kisses.

It's been a while since my last fiction and truthfully, after the greatness of yesterday, this day? 80% of it sucks. I know it can't rain forever but seriously dude? If there's an award on sucky day, this day would be it. Anyway... I'm trying to put back pieces in fiction so... Here it goes.


Love embellished, star crossed kisses.

I know I'm short and fat and half of the population don't get what I'm saying or even notice me. Yep, I'm really good at being invisible and truthfully, I like being invisible. I feel minuscule and it's a good feeling for someone with a bloated, shrunk to an inch body. One thing also, I'm a massive exaggerator and I hate changes. I've worn this stupid round, tinted with brown dye glasses since I was ten and it still fits me well so... No plan to substitute it with something Gucci or Versace. The only theory I believed is that humans are made out of two things: Insanity and madness, sometimes with a dash of gold glitter or a piece of Isaac Newton's brain. My parents said that I'm an idealist and I should keep it that way. I have no idea why, but there's no switching my handmade, beautiful studded jeans to a crappy new pair of Levi's that costs more than a third world labor would make a month.

I took the bus everyday, everywhere. My reason? It's practical. It's 24/7 and even though my house is located in an isolated, godforsaken location, it's the best place to run away and reassemble my thoughts and transferring them to the four walls of my room. Green, envious walls of mine. I've filled them with hundreds of words that run pretty much everywhere, making them my true enemy when I can't catch my sleep or I'm not tired enough to sleep. A yellow painted door and gold handle, covered with baby powder and bits of the glitz of Chanel no. 5 is the only door I leave unlocked. I repeat, the only door I leave unlocked.

One of my future plans is to never get married and to adopt some poor child from a third world country, who has starved long enough to fully appreciate the proper value of a plate of beef stew with heavy gravy and how extravagant bubbled water is. But I'm guessing that would be cliche and I'm going to re-do my family plan. I'm going to get married after college and have two girls. Or two boys. The word boys sounds better. Ok, two boys and an amazing bubbly husband. I want a big spacey house with four, no, make it five, huge bedrooms and a big kitchen. A pool, a rooftop bar. A wall filled with pricey artworks or my own personal shit. The most dreamiest house you've ever seen. I want a cradle of stuffed animals and a fridge full of lactose free products. A carriage of vodka and gin and vermouth and a royal whiskey to serve with an evil, hellish glass from heaven. A wine cellar, a telescope to gaze on the amazing sky and the dreamy constellation.

I've spent seventeen sappy summers and seventeen deathly winters. I think it's only a summer away for me to go pack my things into a very big portmanteau with bunch of stickers on it, throwing yesterday away and getting a label of my own. Filling my brand new pages with another hundred shades of black, getting more butterflies in my tummy and getting new tattoos in invisible ink. Starting new sounds good.

Two seasons to go, and I'm no longer Irina Smiths. I'm Abigail. Abigail Summer.


That feels good. Gotta catch a nightie, packed schedule tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

You can't save a damsel if she loves her distress.

This afternoon = PERFECT. During my drive in the bus (accompanied by a friend of mine, Dian:p), the weather showed perfection as the sun is shyly setting to the horizon and leaving a very cool atmosphere on earth. The coolest. I never feel that happy about a rainy, cloudy setting before because I always hate a cloudy setting (more if it's extra sunny). My favourite time is actually from 8 am-9.30 am because the sun is warm but the morning breeze hasn't left. Plus I hate rains, but I kinda love the baby rain that kept coming, greeting my door steps every afternoon:B

I watched The Amazing Spiderman too, today. Get shocked as you may, but this is my first Spiderman movie. No, I didn't watch the Kirsten Dunst version. I remembered my first marvel movie was The Dark Knight. Yep, I'm a dork in superheroes movie but an absolute junkie on Rom-com, stupid, and reckless ballads of love. What I really love is Emma Stone's brown leather, up-to-the-knee high boots, and her fabulous locks. I wanted to ask Daddy for a curling iron on my sixteenth birthday but it turned out that he's not in the city and it's been... Like, three months after my birthday so there shouldn't be a reason out there to ask for a birthday gift-_- Oh, and I screamed a couple times (or more? Duh) in the movie because... 1) I hate lizards. 2) It's friggin cold and I didn't put a layer of socks. 3) It supposed to be a surprising moment. And guess what, the siren couldn't help it. Yes, I'm a lousy screamer when it comes to action scenes but yes, I stood still on gun scenes. This is why one of my favourite action films is Jolie's Salt because it's all gun:D One thing though, the Professor looked like Nicolas Cage ALOT and Andrew Garfield? Priceless. Man, you look so good, you made my day. I almost sit next to a spoiler and finished my popcorn before the movie even started. Nice.

Hmm I bought a new blackberry battery, and it's in initial charging now.

I already miss my blackberry so much, naw.

Holiday is running out and I haven't done any school shopping (nor pay my annual additional tuition). It's driving me nuts and to be quite honest, I'm not really happy with the situation of my Mom working 300000/7 and leaving me behind recklessly for some lame business reasons. Noted though, that in the future I will put everything aside when it comes to my future child. I hope I didn't grow into a full time workaholic too (Finally! A reason to put on a bit of laziness here and there) and pay up responsibilities to the wrong people, in a wrong way. Ugh, I hope this... Distress doesn't put me on some weird I-don't-want-to-be-a-mom syndrome like the marriage one, because I really *do* want to be a mom. Having a mini me around would be so much fun.

And my skin is still burnt, and it will always be like that because I went to a deserted school with certain people that don't get how my mind works. Blah.

Tired me, blah.

For me? It's a dream come true to have someone and do this simple sweet fuzzy things:p