Monday, April 29, 2013

Can't say it (after all we've been through)

Wait. We've been through nothing. Hahahaha. I still can't believe that I'm falling for someone beyond my reach and just feeling them is numbing. Who am I to you? I'm much less than that girl you see everyday, but I'm sure I'm more than acquaintance. I know you know me, but that's it. It's crazy. It's not everyday I get to see you and it's driving me even more insane. And the thing is... I'm doing nothing. I know, it's my choice for not being too crystal and keeping the whole ride for myself, but man. Call me stupid, but this feeling is eating me.

I feel like running away. No, I wish I had never met you. You had me and yes, I'm still wishing I had never met you. It's incredible what one meeting can do, and what it affects the next meeting(s). Was it even my choice that I fell for you? I don't really remember. This insanity has been going on for more than five months now, so what, you can call it love rather than infatuation? I feel so funny, all dizzy and stupid inside just thinking about you. You know one's saying that if you picture it, it might never happen? Yeah, I'm kinda doing it so somehow my brain will get transmissions that It might never happen. That I should stop committing to one feeling and just shoot. Free, be me. Or should I say that I kept shooting myself, hoping for new grounds yet I kept finding myself walking to you? Should I say that I'm just too tired? What's the point of being free if you feel like your feeling is eating yourself? Should I tell you? Should I not? The whole ballad is unnerving and I wish I had a time machine. Or a future vision. So I'd know what to do and what not to do. They also said that love is friendship on fire. I don't even think we're in a thing called 'friendship'.

What if I had never met you? I would still be mellow? I prefer that than this super crazy coaster. Or that sad, tragic ride. I'd take anything but this.

I'd take any ride, but not this.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Contemplating Thoughts on Being Sixteen

Sixteen. Sechzehn. For now, it maybe just a simple milestone I've passed, now that I am in another point of my life. It's not.

Sixteen was me, being (too) carefree and being super happy-go-lucky. Yes, I know. Looking at the archives, my best works of my posts are my complicated state of mind posts and how I'm trying to get over something that only exist in my head. It was stupid. I learnt my lesson. Somehow, turning older and adding +1 to your age is a recycling process for me and I think I've learn enough.

Sixteen was me, confessing love to the guy that doesn't even ready to hear the words. Hell, he didn't even believe such things as love. Sixteen was me, having high hopes that people changes and that you may be a factor to the process. Hell no, baby. People changes, but odds are... They're the main reason of the change. I know I am my own main reason of changing. Sixteen was me, sad and all mellow over my inability of not being able to finish my task on an organisation. Sixteen was me, drunk on love.

On the other hand...

Sixteen was me, getting home at ten p.m. after going out on town with some of my friends. God, I felt like I own the world. Sixteen was me, stupidly spending some amount of money without knowing where it went. I'm sure it's for food, but nothing of it was memorable. Sixteen was me, going to Bandung with friends on our own. Sixteen was me, starting a home party at 9 pm which eventually ends in midnight. No harm, of course. We only eat some of chicken kebabs and roasted corns. But my, the feeling sends me through the roof. Sixteen was me, finally understanding chemistry and loving them. Sixteen was me, stopping all the crazy diet I've been in and choosing to life healthy. Sixteen was me, having the ability to style my hair and put some make up on! Sixteen was me, having a phone call away to my best bro and my homies. 

Sixteen was my fabulous journey. I have loved every minute of it, none of regrets. Sure, I did some idiotic mistakes that should've not been done, but who cares? All I know is my sixteen rules. I learnt a lot. A lot-a lot. If last year I felt like April went by so fast... Now, I feel like sixteen went by so fast. I surely will missed it. If I could relive it, would I? Nope. Because it's perfect just the way it is.

P.S. Last year Brina, you didn't have any birthday cake this year, but luckily the place gave you one. Relax, this year's celebration is as beautiful as last year's!

Saturday, April 27, 2013


Thank you Geng Sosialita for coming to my birthday dinner! I love you guys soooo much, and I shall post something pretty tomorrow on turning seventeen.

Til then... Take off the heels, hang up the dress, put down the make up and just hit for the sheets!

April 27th of 2013... You've been nothing but a blast.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Counting Days

Two days. For every boy action, there's a girl overreaction. Couldn't agree more. Except here, it's vice versa. Lol.

I've been through a lot lately and I did keep it to myself. It's been crazy. Superstitious hell, room-spinning, roller coaster-vomiting kind of crazy. I got a few reasons for keeping it to myself, believing that I can handle all the things and juggle it at the same pace as school and friends and social media and me running out of money every time I went out of my home door. I can't. The act of sharing a painful secret can relieve some of the pain. Not that my secret is painful... Well, it is, but it's not that painful. Knowing that I've got a full-time, phone call away, 24/7 companions just pull my strings and brought me together again. This world we lived in is insane, moulding us into green and envied person who's never tired of looking up when there's bunch of other people who's never tired of looking up on us and for me, having a true friend who says what's on his/her mind and agrees with me conceptually is making me undeniably grateful. On these things, we just know that it's a keeper.

So here I am, two days away from adulthood and all the things that attached to it, broken, shattered, in pieces, stupid in love, carefully letting things go, closing more doors yet carelessly throwing away the keys. I think I'm ready for being seventeen.

Bring it on.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

This is not going to work.

Sometimes I just don't know why I developed things that just don't belong. Like this. It's obvious that it's impossible to heaven and back, it's not something that can just happen nor does it is a miracle.

I guess feelings are just flames and we are the person with a bucket of water in one hand, and another  with huge shit to dump in, just to make the flame bigger. My mood is a freaking swing and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Not working much? Yeah.

But in better days, I hopelessly enjoy being in love. It's that building of anticipation, the way I can feel my cheek blushes, the heart throb and the shaky hands and jelly knees and things. It's that automatic pull of your smiling muscles and suddenly you're grinning ear to ear over a beep on your phone. The one that says 'Haha'. It's something to look forward to everyday. "I wish he had seen that stupid ad!" "HILARIOUS! God, I wish he's here to enjoy it with me." or that stupid hope that somehow he'd be standing in front of the bookshelves in Aksara or grocery shopping in Farmers, when I know very well he didn't go to those places. The other reasons I go to those places.

He's a distraction and a stupid choice to fall in love with. 

At least I'd remember myself turning seventeen in a good way: Being in love. Or shall I say... Drunk on love?

P.S. Yeah, being in love doesn't help me with the writings. I guess falling in love makes you stupider.
P.P.S. Four days to go, man. Four.

Monday, April 22, 2013

(Another) XI IPA-3!

April 19th-20th have never been better! My badass class is real awesome.

Ini mbak-mbak dan mas-mas sate yang sebenarnya.

Believe me when I say... This is *so* good.

Ketika gak ada yang kontrol beungeut.


Real man does their domestic jobs! HAHAHAHAHA.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

My Sixteen Year Old Bestfriend

If you knew me, you must've known her. Sabilla Anggiaputri is turning sixteen today! We (a.k.a. Me&Amel) dropped by her house earlier this morning after I asked Ibu Abiw to join forces, surprising her early in the morning, yay! It's my first time giving a surprise and I know for sure I had a blast and it was super fun.

I'm just gonna make it short- From what I believe, your sixteenth year is your stepping stone. I started to live my life by the principles I believed in this year. Opened up so much, yet chose to be a bit unrevealing too. I've done things I never done before (like surprising a best friend on her birthday, :p), done more things I've done before, and choosing to stay in certain ways. (I think) I've found more of myself in my sixteenth year than any other age, so my year is super significant. My sixteenth year has been super awesome, mind-blowing, breath-taking, and almost everything. I really hope you'll go through this amazing journey ahead happily and feel great about your sixteenth year as much as I do.

I love you and I'm always here to support you, I'm just a text/phone call/line/tweet away!☺☺☺

Thursday, April 18, 2013


You guys, you took and melted my heart away! I'm so smitten with you guys, so much!

Kalau nggak kompak, syuting nggak bakal selesai. Kalau nggak kompak, nggak bakal ke Bandung.