Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Hello! Happy Friday! Soooo I'm going to let you know that I'm still alive (and full, and happy, and excited to the moon /and back/) and still in Surabaya until this Sunday. I have a plan with Nadja tomorrow and my cousin Althaf (who recently got accepted in SMP Negeri 1 Surabaya, bravo kiddo!) is coming tomorrow. Yay for gaining allies on defeating the babies.
Did I tell you that my Oma is not here? Basically, everything sucks without Oma. Food I've experienced (the home cook ones) that used to be so friggin delish is no longer... Good. The kids are crappy without Oma too, and they kept playing with me which is nice but sooooo sucky when you're not in the mood or just want to chill, replying people's text or messenger to you.
God, the amount of mosquito in this place. Hell-many.
Plus, my baby cousins are the most busiest people ever, I swear to god. I know I used to be like them, having so many classes and sessions on improving yourself. Right now the boys (Seven and six) have piano lessons, drawing sessions, bible study, kumon (both english and math) and their school is a catholic school that has rules and regulations and obligations as much as the ants in the world. I know I exaggerate but still, it's so many and so friggin long. The youngest bit, Anya, she's three, she just started kumon and want to start Ballet too just like me. Ugh, I kept thinking my practice days. So heavy and harsh, hahahahaha. I used to be busy too, though. During my baby moment. I had drawing sessions and english course, I studied up to four hours per day and I read one book a day. I went to the mosque to study Quran and studied traditional dance for... Three years.
But it paid up till now, though. I'm more focused and determined, and I might have skills that other can't. I still need to improve my skills though, I'm getting friendly with my guitar now after I left him for months and I'm starting to swim now. I ran several miles per week and I know it seems so short but I'm improving. At this point, nothing is regretful and everything counts.
P.S. These kids dedication on bible study is amazing, I'm touched.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
(I want to be the future and the past, Hebrew)
Today I went to the gym at 5p.m. There's this Body Jam 61 launching that I'm really looking forward to. Because of the new schedule of EF, I've been running and doing weights only. I haven't been in class for like, a month or so. And truthfully, I miss the heart throbbing routine of Body Jam. I arrived at 5.30p.m.-ish and run on the treadmill for like, 8 minutes.
I said this before and I'm going to say it again; I prefer Body Jam 60. The movement is soooooo much effortless and flowing for me, plus the 60th track list kicks ass. The 61st Track list got some Rihanna and Tiesto. My favourite move? The Ninja thingy! And the body wave. I'm always good with the wave and anything involving my lower abdomen. The shoulder and the slide move is good too, and I'm /really/ looking forward to my next class. I have to say, though, that I feel like in a hip club dancing the night out every time I join Body Jam class, which I will never do, so, bravo Les Mills for creating the euphoria in the dance class! :))
This is the track list. My favourite is Work Hard, Play Hard.
Now Playing or... Song of the Moment:▸ Endah N Rhesa - Waiting.
I don't care about what people say about who you are or what you do, and all I see is that perfect lies in you.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
+I got a haircut.
+It's cheat day today, I had Burger King's notorious fries.
+I can't watch the game! Goodluck Italy, my heart is with you always.
+I don't know what to wear tomorrow. ERRRGGHHHH.
So I'm here to talk about perfumes! I know I'm only sixteen now but I value so much about personal scent. I know my mom is training me to be less lavish than I used to be (college training, I'm going to live off country and living thin on smart, detailed money management), but I can't resist on buying perfumes. I spend most of my money on this... Magical potions.
My first ever perfume is J.Lo Glow. I know it's so awkward to use some celebrity perfume but I was so young back then (Ten, I was ten) and I loved the smell. It's kind of powderish, like baby powder smell and it's not too old for my using, back then when I was ten-thirteen. I liked it and use it until now every now and then, but I gave my last bottle to Rina to let her finish it off:p It last for approximately five hours on me, so I had to re-apply during mid-day and night if I have to go out.
During my happy years, edge of thirteen to fourteen, I use The Body Shop's Cherry Blossom. It was an easy option because it's available and near, so I could reach it every time the bottle's out. I grew in to a brand member loyal itself, because everything was The Body Shop back then. The shower gel, the body scrub. Except for shampoos because I have a very low tolerance on detergent, and I tend to lose so much hair if I didn't put on some baby shampoo on. Sucks to be me, I know. Anyway, though the scent doesn't really capture my personality, as it aged on my skin, the smell got even better and became me-ish. It didn't last so long for me, I had to reapply them every three hours. It smells heavy for me, too heavy during fresh appliance. I have to let it simmer for a while, and that was the reason I let it go.
During my 9th year to my start of 10th year, I used Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Lovers' Love. I know, tacky choice of celebrity perfume because now, I think myself as an idiot for using celebrity scent. They're rich enough and truthfully, I'm not that obsessed with either Gwen or Jennifer. They're not exactly... My muse, plus Kate Moss' perfume is so hard to find here. It doesn't really change, the smell. It's overpowering me, to be quite honest. It's totally not me, it's a bit fruity and flowery, but there's too much effort for my taste. I still got a half bottle and I have no idea how to finish it.
I used Marks and Spencer's Florentyna for a while, probably two months. Another overpowering scent. It lasted a lifetime, though. You put it on now, it'll last until ten hours long. The smell does change but still reflecting the same floral-alcoholy smell. It smells old lady-ish, too. I don't know why I get it in the first place. Oh wait, the three for two deal!
What I'm using now is Marc Jacobs' Daisy. I love it! It's versatile and it's beautiful. I love the bottle and I love Marc Jacobs. It only lasted a few hours though, but I love the smell on me. It's not too intoxicating and it's not overpowering me. It's fresh and feminine, but comfy. I planned to switch to ck be for everyday use, continuing my mother's love for Calvin Klein fragrance during her youth. She gnawed on ck one, but she said my personality would be even more defined by the ck be, not the ck one. Her perfume now is Lancome's Tresor. Old Mommy's perfume, I know.
Quote of the week: Next post!
This month's NYLON is covering a fun activity, and it's called card-to-post. Basically, there's this website that provides names and addresses of people all over the world (Not yet, but, hopefully they develop as an internationally-known idea) or for now, the country plus bits and cracks of local people that lived outside the Indonesia border. I've signed up myself (Shabrina Alfiaputri Sidharta, of course) and put up a simple bio. For the cardtopost-er that reads this, I speak amazing Indonesian! So, no worries:)
So... The address that I downloaded pretty much local, I guess I was playing it safe. But I look forward to choosing more random and faraway people!
Btw, the label #cardtopost starts now!:) Going to buy cartons and pens and stickers today!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
So I got my report card and it shows no improvement from last semester's result. I got the same 1685 (divided by 18, that's not nearly 90 per subject, I know. Sucky sucky) and my ranking's downgrading. I came fourth last semester and I came fifth now. No, it's not even good for me. My mom scold me earlier how I'm attached to my smartphone and how I failed on time management. Yeah I know, I'm a mess. More of this, and I might get my laptop and ipod locked in custody, which won't help because I'm doing this OSIS assignment with the most insane+crazy two guys I ever met. Oh yeah, she said that I should minimise my contribution on OSIS. Ugh, everything always fall apart in a perfect timing.
Going to Surabaya for June 28th-July 1st, but Oma is gone to Alaska☹☹. Mom's birthday is coming up. Ideas? Zero.
Song of the day: Come What May - The Scene Aesthetic. All I ever wanted was for you to look at me and know I'm all yours.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
So... Under conscious I've taken... nearly two thousand photos and I'm so dizzy looking at it now. Ugh, it happens. Going to spend a lot of time in the weekend sorting them out and uploading it to facebook. And I have to upload the graduation photos, too. It's not the exhaustion during the event but the laziness that follows, ya? :)) Anyway I'm sure I'm going to have a sucky sucky holiday because I'm not going anywhere but homeeee and Bogor and working my butt off in order to get even more skinnier. I've lost 5 kgs so far and I still want to lose more! Now I know why I'm such a skinny girl during year 8; losing weight is addicting. And I supposed to be all nervous and stuff because it's the decision time whether I'm a science kid or a social kid. I really have no clue what so ever, because my heart is in social but my brain is in science. I strive for physics and learning chemistry a bit better than I did this year. I like social subjects because it's less tiring but who wants to be not tired? Call me psycho but I love the desperate feeling of wanting to sleep more, and the pleasant butterflies when you finished a really hard thing, or completing a set of insane homeworks that I won't be using in the future because I'm applying to business school. And for sure, I'm really upset that this academic year is ending. I know I have a line up list of reasons why I hate this year so much but a thousand other reason is making me admit that this year is kinda fun too. It's memorable at some point, I met some fabulous friends (gengless, kak fadia, nuf said) and freak geniuses. I joined OSIS, take a lot of pictures, drank so much fruit tea during recess, made more friends, joined EF, quitting ballet. A lot of thing going through my mind, capturing old memories and stupid conversation that I've had.
And no, I don't want this /academic/ year to end. Forever tenth grade:))
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
So today, Zizi (btw, I got a new nickname for him. ZQ.) told me not to get home so soon, Hilmi too. He didn't say the reason but I'm pretty sure what was it. He dragged Kafie down and did a little intervention about the thing that's been a problem (well, at least for me!) between us. I'm really glad that it's over right now because it's been a distraction for me. I'm not really surprised though, if we have any fights and thingy-s. We three pretty much stubborn and starve for perfection. But Hilmi's fast, Zizi's a tad slow, and me? I usually do it fast but I'm a bit sloppy and clumsy. And we have our 'things', like, I said thingy and yawny-yawny and Zizi's and stuff, Hilmi's indian accent. I considered the three of us working, is my definition of dream team. We fill our heads with the same or similar stuff, and we could work like miracle workers. But we have to tolerate (and if we don't, say it loud) each other in order to achieve the golden goal. Plus, both are considered as older brothers for me, so, you know who's miserable if you're in a quarrel or having an awkward moment and stuff.
Monday, June 18, 2012
It was a lot of fun and tan! I'm afraid I burned my skin again and with my overflowing laziness of reapplying kids sunblock with 25 spf only (The only thing that tolerates my skin, httffsandkasd), I'm back to black. I took a bunch of pictures (910. 910 photos) and tired to my bones now.
Pictures coming soon. I'm really, really, really tired.
Song of the day: Do you love me, will you love me forever, do you need me? Will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Will you take me away, will you make me your wife? - It's really catchy. I gotta know right now!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”
Yep, I've been using so many polyvore lately (because I just remember the password and I'm really inspired by the scrapbooking that Elsie Larson do in the daily basis). So after the evening talk I had with Abiw, I feel like... Letting go half of the fuzzy thingy and keeping it simple. I know I've fallen, maybe at the wrong time.
Holiday Project! Song coverings: I'm still picky of what will I cover but I'm pretty sure I have some ideas of what will it be.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
It's just that... It's too much? It's too twisty and sick and yes, it feels so good with you around but the nausea... Nope.
Anyway I've been dieting and eating less and working out more. I'm way thinner when I'm happy (and in love) and I'm way healthier than ever. I'm currently 4 kg away from my normal weight and how could a girl be more satisfied?
Precious, precious lesson: Learnt.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
So after a while of redesigning the blog and the header and the colour and my link buttons, I think that's it! We're up and running. I did everything on polyvore, so, bravo polyvore! Even though I had troubles looking for the skittles and the twizzler. I wanted to add a bottle of stoli and a mint leaf on my 'Site's Queen' button, but I had to clip the pic first and everything, so... Yes, I'm lazy.
I did a 'red' blog because of my love for red lips (and my red lipstick, Make Up Forever Moulin Rouge, best buy, I tell you!) and 90% of my successful make up photoshoot include this smacking colour of awesomeness. My favourite nail polish is also red, O.P.I's Big Apple Red. I used it often and it became another signature.
A little happiness:
This is my 9D class doodle, made by me! Note that the 9D Alif is different with X4 Alif, but 9D Maul and Brina are the same with X4 Maul and Brina.
This is the X4 class doodle, made by the ever talented Mawla. It's weird, shrinking amount from thirty two to twenty one (minus two, sigh).
I had another dream about you, and this time is creepier! I guess it's the projection of things I don't want to imagine and I don't want to swallow.
Song of the moment: She's Got You High by Mumm-ra.
He's got you high and you don't even know yet......
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I'm just so screwed up with everything going on. With the amount of rush I get during catching teachers and fishing for my grades, and the shakiness of my hands when you're around. It's no longer a crush I'm developing, but I don't know what. It's that intense feeling that's spreading like a lethal plague on a small city with a population of two hundred. You think it's love, but it's not. You think you don't care, but you can't, because the feeling is /literally/ eating your heart out and cutting it into pieces before chewing it all in. Ugh. I'm a mess. I wish I could just sit down and grab a glass of vanilla stoli. I don't know how it would taste in your buds but depressed people enjoy them very.
Another thing is I don't want to ruin the amazing, fanta-bulous relationship that we built brick by brick, with some of the excess hormone that I haven't burnt off in the gym by running it all or flexing it during yoga. It's just life's too precious to give the moment a pause and rewind and play and rewind and play and back and forth all over again. I know we never touched hands before and my stomach went whirlwind every time you catch a simple glimpse of me that means nothing, nothing in this world because you had your time and your girl and your moments and I'm just so fed up sitting here, listening to the same sappy love song about how I've loved you for a thousand year long when truthfully I don't think it's love and it's actually not that long, doing nothing. Practically nothing because there's nothing I can do and you're so damn distant for me, even though we go head-to-head every single day.
I'm not exactly waiting because I don't know what am I waiting for. I'm not exactly desperate because I'm not entirely sad because you're always gone. I'm not exactly confused because I know what to do. I'm just... Tired? No, because I'm not in that point yet.
Anyway, despite the insanity and the malady I'm in, all I want you to know is that I have a seven-words sentence silently knocking mouth, waiting for my gut to send a signal to my lips when I'm ready to say it. But thank you lord, my fingers are the most brave organ ever so... Here it goes; I need you so much, it hurts.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
So, since I was little, well, practically a baby, all I've heard is you are never ordinary, and your feet are tied to the ground of tradition and your mouth is shut from all of the bad things in the world. Luckily, I've managed to learn a curse or two to scream out when I'm really, really, really pissed out of something.
Like tonight, I'm so sick of the days I've spent working on a pen/paper test, practically writing my hands off my body. How I wish of being ambidextrous. At some point of my... Despair, I've managed to eat so many food and talk endlessly of how I'm sick of being tied up to rules and obligation, with no 'fun' chance at all. Several days ago, I showed Mom about a movie called Soegija in the papers and it's telling the life of a catholic cleric that... Pretty much saved Indonesia. Tonight, my mom decided to catch a late-night movie (not midnight, tho), and tell me that pretty much, all of my questions in my living years answers will be slipped to the movie somehow.
Maybe you have the same question on your head, like, why is 70% of my family is a very loyal catholic, and some of them are even chinese. Two of the most... Questionable thing in my school. The student board is so curious, every time I spent my time in their room, my time is up of answering rhetorical and mostly, random questions. Why I still visit chinese temples and burn coils and hio, and drop a tear when walking in to one of the famous catholic church in Semarang. The thing is, they're the one I need to thank because my family wouldn't be here in the first place without them.
During the chaos of the war with the Netherlands people, my ancestors were protecting each other under the roof of a holy church.
That explains the movie, and there reason why almost every Sumarno in my family is catholic. During the war, the catholic church is the most safe place on the island. It's something between the board of the church and Vatican, that protects everybody that's hiding in the church. That makes sense, with all of the tradition in Java that my family is turning catholic from kejawen. It's one of our thank yous and gratitudes towards the church board that was protecting most of my family from the meanness of Dutch, and Japan, and Dutch again. In the movie was explained that the most safe place is either the church or the hospital. With the hospital filled with infections and disease and all, I bet my great grandfather won't choose to hid there.
One of my favourite things about the movie is that it shows the two sides of every person, every part and every single detail. Like, how language is essential in order to do something right. And how Japanese people wanted peace during the surrender, and they actually enjoyed the song Bengawan Solo, planning to take it home with them, to Japan. Sometimes all I get from documentaries and based-on-real-life is mindfucks because I never know the integrity of the fact they're serving in the movie, but after some bitty research, I believe the facts. And that god loves us all. All, without exception.
One of the real life problem now is that religion is separating people. I got a friend who said, "Christians are different with us, muslims. So are hindu and buddhist." And I refuse to agree. We believe that god is one, so are them. If god is only one, than what actually differ us to them? It's only the human that fuck the system and everything. Religion actually means equality, that god is one and loving to each one of his creature. What mostly differ us to another belief is... Us. We made barriers, boundaries, of what we can do and what we can't do. The separation of belief is just another crap to lose the essence of the togetherness we supposed to have.
I'm so sensitive about religion and everything, you know that.
Indonesia is a free, independence country now because the (past) parts of it got it together, making lines and every thing into dust, and working towards the same goal. I know it needs major understanding and we have to pull our ego to the deepest bottom of our hearts, but, why not? Every problem in this country is solvable if every nation's leader stopped thinking about him/herself, and think of the future and the people under him/her. If independence is reachable, than what isn't?
I really recommend this movie to watch, and no, it doesn't make me want to convert. Believe me. It's not a religion based movie, like Ayat Ayat Cinta or the other movie, it's about doing something towards our country before. This movie is something to burn that cold woods inside of us, to trigger a fire inside us that got us thinking, We, futurists are so stupid with the fact that we cannot run this country properly. One of my (insane) plan is to become another country citizenship, so I'm not politically Indonesian. It's pretty easy to lose one, though. But seeing the hard work and the blood and the cold bodies the past put into the future got me thinking... Do I really want to leave Indonesia, just like that? After all they did. Praying and praying for a better future, and when I, we, us, are the answers to their prayers? I even rethinking my plan of going so faraway from home, and I'm such an idealist, I shouldn't be reconsidering my choices.
And about the chinese... For all of the people reading this, that think chinese people are just a bunch of humans that should be chased down like in the past; here's the thing. Chinese will rule the world in any seconds. America is falling apart and Europe is in a crisis, relating to Greece and bunch of things I've read in the sites and papers. Almost everything in this world is Chinese-made. I planned to learn chinese, who knows how long until they finally taken over the world...
P.S. Indonesia is changing to GMT +8? Finally! :)
Friday, June 8, 2012
The language that everybody fluently speak, is the language of hopes and dreams.
I don't know why but my gut said that it's grammatically wrong. I might have Zizi telling me that he will need to deploy his grammar nazi troops because mine's a fuck-up. Well, nothing is wrong when you're learning.
So I got this post inspiration from the drive I had to the school. For two days in a row, I've taken cabs (NYC talking of me, cabs) to school because my uncle isn't there to drive and my mom had an early meeting (5/7) and her cough is getting worse (5/8). I wasn't up to thinking since my eyes are glued to my blackberry and my ears are plugged with continuing tunes of Northern Downpour in repeat. Yes, Northern Downpour. Anyway, it's actually a continuation of yesterday post.
Hope and dreams; hmm, how would you define them? One of my hobby is looking up words I don't know in the built in dictionary in my laptop and check out the Thesaurus tab too, but I won't be this time. Hope and dreams are the things you should be describing effortlessly and it should be dreamy too.
Hope is the happy smile on your face, dreams are being with you forever.
Hope is something we reach for, dreams are the thing we live for.
Hope is the car and dreams are the destination.
Hope is the drive while dreams are the goal.
And inevitably, hope and dreams are the most common thing in this world, ever. Even the depressed dream of death and the numb hope nothingness. And from what I've experienced; read; consumed in a fantastic daily dosage, it's the thing that brings us together. Not love because it could hate. Not peace, because war is still going on somewhere in this tiny globe of ours. Not desperation because despair ends at some points. It's hope and dreams. There's one spectacle though; failure. But I believe if we join hands in this part, and got each other back, our hope and dreams will take the pain away and put some fire (or coal, for long lasting effect:p) to relit that cornered hope and dreams. Hope and dreams are a language, hope and dreams are the thing that connect one to another and make sparks and fireworks in our chest, believing that there is still a way, and there's always a way.
I have a hope, and dreams. Of course. I'm a unstoppable dreamer.
One of mine is New York City, cooking chocolate cake from scratch, having a full wavy effortless hair, eating non alcoholic (switch the bourbon to soda) mint julep popsicle on a hot summer day, have a summer love, getting married in Central Park during autumn, graduating from the Singapore Management University, to adopt a beautiful hispanic little girl, and a gazillion thing running through my mind.
One another thing; if you want to reach your hope and dreams, you have to have a sane head, a big, gigantic heart, striving passion and drive, and a will to really catch it in your hands. That, plus a little ribbon of faith.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
So apparently today is the day; the day you're all anxious when you finally have the envelope on your hands and carefully opened it, hoping for the words you've been expecting for... days, months, years, name it. Some of you even dreamt of that place since you're six.
Or... You can open the official site and command+f your name (or your registered number, this year) to fuck all of the mess with the paper and the envelope.
For those of you who have the highlighted numbers/names/whatever they put up there, congratulations. Your future awaits you, and you should tattoo your mind that you /are/ lucky to be there, being highlighted and everything. Don't waste your seconds, embrace them. I know I'm the one who pissed off, seeing parts of you saying, "I gave up, I think remedial is waiting for me" or "Fuck this thing, I'm going to cheat!"
For those of you who don't, hey, the world didn't fall apart!
Here's the thing, okay, maybe you think you're good enough for the deal, maybe you think you can handle the pressure. You do. You can. Not there, maybe, but in other school that provides better things for your needs. Each of you is special and yes, it may take time realising it. Ms. Monroe said that, 'good things fall apart so better things can fall together' and what does it take to make you believe that particular sentence? It is true, I can tell you. At first, it's the most bitter thing ever. You just can't take down the fact and break down and cry. But that's the first, and with first comes second. Don't let your second be the same, it's a mainstream world and you should be the hipsters. Make a change. I know I haven't enjoy going in to my school now, but I do love the new friends I'm getting.
Oh, friends. All of my bffs are not in the same school as me. Name; Jeje, Meivy. But I discovered another great friend here in my current school. Name; kak Fadia, Amel, Abiw. They're too precious to be missed. It's hard at first, with all of the different things that happening in the same pace and the same moment, and you can tell how exciting it will be there, and how it would be more comforting with the digits of people you know, the people with a very best friend of yours. It sucks at first, but as the time goes by, you'd be closer as it can gets. When I left for my current school, I didn't know I'd be going to a gym with Meivy who kicks ass at weight lifting or still having a blast, saying nothing and studying crap at Starbucks with Jeje, or visit Ardio just to sit around with a physics book, figuring out how much energy it takes to heat up a kilo of water.
m x c x delta T, I know:)
You may feel like you've lost the grasp of your world, but you're not. It's still there. You may feel like you press delete on your entire future plans, but there's still the trash. You may feel like you've disappoint bits and pieces of your world, but there's still a second change.
If they have a future waiting for them, you have a future /and/ an adventure to grasp along with. And I know you'd survive. It's in our blood, SMPN 1 Bogor alumnus! It's in our blood.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
I’ll bend in your breeze, I’ll swim in your hurricane, I’ll dance in your rain.Tyler Knott's haiku. He's amazing. I really like his twist of words and the fact that he's a poet, a writer, and a photographer; things I will never be doing for a career in the future.
I'm still on my free-time break, I'll start studying at two-thirty, maybe. Knowing that my grandmas came visit the house shocks me. Ugh, studying will never be the same with them. They're always "go make me this" "go clean up this mess" "chop this" "change the blablabla" "take my blablabla in blablabla" "sign in to my email and reply my email from Mr. Schnickelfritz" and I will never study. If I flunked my test and mom got her grill up on me, I'd say that I've been slaved by the two evil grandmas. Seriously, everybody thinks that they're all nice and great and do amazing stuff but no, they're not. Growing up with a way that everything must be logical (except love and anger, because there's nothing logical about them. They just happened) and reasonable, I think they're a walking illogical creatures that made up things to drive my head nuts. Luckily I've eaten and bathed and locked myself in my room.
I scrolled past tumblr the other day and I found a quote. Well, my life basically revolved around quotes and poems and haikus and girls with tattoos inked to their malicious, irresistible bodies. I dig typography, I have a folder full of 900-ish them, and each represent me in a unique and considerate moments. Like when I had a fight with a recent friend, or a boyfriend (now; ex), or I just had a stupid moment somewhere and it ruined my day but stumbling a quote saying 'no one and nothing can ruin your day' and I'm shining as the sun. Yet, it could be a drop of alcohol on an open wound. Like 'Of course I miss you, it's all I do' or 'There are some people in this world that you can just love and love and love no matter what'. You know, a person pops in your mind. A certain person. A special one, or a really hated one. Well, the quote I stumbled upon was this;
Yeah. A certain someone pops in mind. It's impossible, though. He don't even know I have feelings for him. I guess, I should re-title this as, 'Bury me, someday?' Lol.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
They said the past is a good place to visit, but never a good place to stay.
Here's the thing, ok. I've moved on and that D in my varsity jacket meant for my ever lovely, Darren Criss. I think the reason I made such fuss about it is that I missed being together with a person so awesome, you just have to clicked right away. Of course, I have Jeje and Meivy and Gengless and kak Fad, but what I'm looking is not in that particular anatomy, if you catch my drift. Like, it's been, two years but I haven't met someone that awesome, that ecstatic and exciting in my life.
That particular reason brings me to my denial. I haven't spent a non-quality time with a quality person for years, I travel back and lived in my past. Sitting and reliving my old world that used to be so amazing, picture perfect, that every moment has its own polaroid, ready to be clipped in a string of gold thread that ran around the paint room we have, just like in the movies. No, it's like in the movies, but so much better. It's the lovely times you spent daydreaming and making it a reality, while now, all I did is daydreaming and cursing why it won't happen anymore. It's not the person that I miss the most, it's the bond and the warmth in the bottom of your heart, and the fingers that refuse to let go.
There might be someone out there that's going to snapped me out of this... Surreal imagination. But I doubt he knows what to do.
Yes. There might be someone. I'm just too stupid to realise and revive the feelings.
Wait. Am I too stupid, or it's just that I don't want to? Snap.