Monday, December 17, 2012


The higher you fly, the harder you fall. I wish the gravitational law will never be applicable in something that doesn't even exist (like hope, love, or anything invisible-but-there) but it's just one of the kinks of how the world turns. You're up, you're down. You're happy, you're sad. You're in love, you're hurt.

People have been dying for me to get over a certain someone. After several years, I just can't. I mean, is it too much? Is it scary or something? Was it really, truly incredible so it shall not be put away, pushed back, while I'm with my open arms, trying to embrace the world and the present I'm living in? Today changed my perspective on the thing. The final answer... Is not. And truthfully I've moved on long way before this. Really. I guess there will be time when you're tired, or you just decided to quit clinging on something that doesn't even exist. And please believe when I said I've faced that phase and I passed. Successfully. Some of you might think, then why aren't you in your equilibrium already??!! I don't know. I'm scared? To open up. My last was disappointing and to be quite honest, there's nothing sillier than rushing into a new relationship when you know you're just not ready. And I was rushing. Way over rushing. Regrets came in the end, aye? Or... Well... I guess it's easier to say to them that I still haven't moved on when I already fell in love with some other guy. The future with me, not being able to move on is clear and simple. It's not going to happen. Not with any miracle and I'm quite sure I'd rather have a miracle on my study routine rather than on having one on that side of my life. But with falling for another guy you barely knew, or even if you knew them, it's so much scarier. A lot could happen in a week, moreover in a month or a year. The comforting sense of loving someone without them knowing would melt when you know someone, other people, other than you are pleased to find pleasure in something you desire in. You wish you could tell them, but scared of what they will give you in return. You wish you could flush in the feelings but is it always too soon to quit? Like you just started and there's still that strand of hope, lunging on your ceiling wishing to be noticed. All I knew is I'm way too cowardly to actually face the feeling of falling in love, so I'd rather pretend I'm still dreary over the past and I just can't seem to move on. This is 'a smile behind a cry' in totally different level. I know I hate being a hypocrite, lying to people, to myself all along but being in love is scary. To do and to stay in. And to be in love with somebody who didn't love you back is not quite the future I want to embrace, I guess.