I read them crumbled and broken,

yet here I am, stronger than before. Reading it had been a pleasure, a definite life changing moment. I always think........ I have to be with someone I loved in need to achieve happiness. But the book show me otherwise. Of course the plot is readable, I've been familiar with Nicholas Sparks. There's always a third person, the burning love, the rustic house, the sweet little girl and the wild uncontrollable rebel guy. But there's nothing I look forward to everyday other than slipping a minute or two reading the wild romance novel.

I grow up in pages of books, any kind of book. I had a pass of the Ministry of Education's library (closed now, sadly) and I used to go there and spend hours, drawing any emotion in any books I read. Aside from the early maturity, the over exposé of romance build me to the person I am now. I may be wondering now, why it  isn't working out. Why I always making mistakes and screwing the trust of people I love. Why I break it off, why it's so hard to let go. And the book opened my eye.

You should read it for yourself. But I'm pissed off because what's happening in the book is not the usual way I lived my life. I like things to go just like I imagined them. I'd like John and Savannah to be together, forever, sticking into each other relationship. Fuck Tim, he's presence in the novel is zero. I'd like John dad to be immortal, don't led the old man to death, I'd like him to see the happiness in John's eyes when he grab Savannah's hand in the wedding. I dreamt of the perfect ending, Tim's dead and they can be together. But the fact they don't skip my heart a beat. And the irony of the ending. Sharing a beautiful moment, not even a mile apart but still knowing you have no chance of sharing the beautiful moment together... I cannot live with that and I knew it. The problem is I can't handle life good. And sometimes, life needs to be disappointing in order for us to grow up and move on and fix things.

P.S. I believe god put me in this moment. I never had the urge to read something this big, not knowing the thing I read applies to current situation now.