Wednesday, February 1, 2012

They said I need to change

So I change. For a straight 20 minutes? I yelled at them, I cursed, I gave them my middle finger, and I cursed them some more. I never feel so low in my entire life.

Here's the thing. My mother always taught me to be nice to everyone, to gave one more chance to everyone, to not hate and to spread vanilla scented covered-dipped in chocolate-happiness. I was not born to curse, to hate people, to be bad, to rebel. I was born to accept any kind of truth and facts with positivity because that's what's human nature is; being positive. I was never an ordinary choose you'll find out of ten person. I have my quirks, and one of my quirks is being positive.

But when it fails, I always cry. I know that crying is not really positive, it reeks negativity. I remembered when I was younger, every time I cry, my mother would be even more mad. And yet, that is what I always do when I can't be more positive. Well, too much electron will release some, right? And this time, this particular year, has been nothing but negativity for me. I always ended up crying everyday, and I'm having a hard time being positive. I try to smile a lot when I'm around this negativity but, yes, I ended up crying. I guess I'm not positive enough to release smiles?

I'm turning sixteen in a few months, and I want my sixteen to be different. I want to be able to say gue-lu without feeling less positive, nor guilty, I want to be mad and bold, being taken seriously. I want to grow up, be the person with less quirkiness and yet, still me. I know it's a major change because, it's almost everything against what my mother taught me (to be positive, and just that). Until I could change a few habit of mine, I'd say...

Btw Icha, your description? Priceless!! 

"Brina, fashionista, suka dibully sama Alif & Ken, suka berisik juga, ketawanya khas (kunti aja lewat~) suka Darren Criss"