Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Once so strong, like a song.

Did you forget everything we ever had?

I guess it's just so easy to cut off a person from your life. I guess it was never like that with me. I always cling to memories too hard, and as it fades I just wished I had it all for me all over again. I know life is a cycle but somehow I wish it's a cassette, where nothing fades and nothing is forgotten and there's no way for it to be forgotten. If you want to skip a part, you have to be smart enough to roll the tape and play it again whatever you wanted. Do you know what I really love about you? You never promised me something you never intend to keep. And it may freak me in the past because you never said forever like other couples do, you never said you'd take me down the aisle, you never said you'd always make me happy all the times. We had our dreams and fantasies, yes, but never a promise. 

I think it's the key, right. No promises. No clinginess. I can't remember saying I need you to you. I said The world's a better place with you, but never I need you. Neediness is the bomb. no, clinginess is. Neediness is the console thingy with one red button that you've always wanted to push for the sake of curiosity. I think promises would end to the well of false hopes anyway and you should never make a promise you can't keep. My worst was loving you forever. I guess it was my fault for being too sentimental about everything and always feel like I need to label you with "MINE" or "Prop of Brina" or something shitty like that but now that I've realised that it's useless and insecure, I stopped. I've stopped looking, searching, wanting. I ended up bland though because I wish I can feel something sparking inside of me, because all I've been feeling is numbness with no pain, and it sucks.

Oh god I'm so sleepy.

I wish I could write longer.

I've been on the phone with Bapak and just talk about my friends and my future plans (and that, my friend, includes watching a concert and my first James Bond movie) and he promised me a new phone if I could be discipline. Not just not-skipping-breakfast-or-abandoning-gym but discipline-discipline. Should I be nervous or something.

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