Tuesday, October 16, 2012

It is supposed to be yesterday's post but whatever I'm here anyway.

And my day hasn't really start yet so, yay! I'm gonna act like this is yesterday's post.

Today was... Insane. Crazy. Emotionally and physically and mentally and anything bad that ends up good with -ly. I know you're supposed to have bad days first to taste the rainbow and sunshines, but this is too much.

As you know, I'm trying to devote myself towards school and my extras to make me look good in my college application. Well... What's another way to put it? None. Because I failed. Again. Might as well change my last name to 'Failure'.

There are three subjects on school that I really hate and love at the same time. It's mathematics (because it's all the same all over the world, but then again, what's so special about it?), physics (because it's fun but why would you count the force of something if you didn't plan to be a physicist?), and chemistry (because I like making potions and things but it's so risky if you're not careful, like for example, me.). As you know midterms just ended and I spent my days working my a-- off. I literally studied and open the books, re-reading things I've learnt at school and rechecking again if I really got them or not. I didn't went to the gym, I didn't go to EF, I didn't bother to blog or browse about the current happening of my other worlds. I think that is what devotion is, putting everything aside for that main thing in front of your eyes. But... I failed all three. Well? I got minimum scores of my goals, not just minimum, they're worst. I want to cry but I think the sky have failed me for dozens time. I can't cry, I can't even sit down, listing what I did wrong. Because I feel like I did everything on the book. How to Ace, How to Not Fail, How to Get Bigger Scores so Mom Will Let You Have More Fun. I hate the feeling of not acing, for failing, for letting Mom down. I swear I saw her disappointment (slightest, I believe. Or did she saw this coming??!!) when I told her I didn't pass physics. I hate seeing her disappointments.

I suddenly want to put myself to sleep forever (and wake up when everything's better, like that's going to happen).

And maybe... Just maybe... If I dream of many things I recounted as 'perfect'... It might came true? 

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