Nineteen

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Turning 19 was... A bit strange. I always feel like 19 is such an odd age. Even I was hesitant about celebrating. It's like... You're not in that twenty area yet, but you're too old to act like you're in your sixteen, living fearlessly and screaming "YOLO" on the top of your lungs. You're too old to be living in crop tops and short shorts, putting flowers on your heads and losing your voice to The Cure's Love Song. Even some musicians hitting the charts are almost as old as you are. Even Dora is all grown up now. You have bigger responsibilities and a bunch more expectation to pay up. Your past is adding up. I knew I'm always going to be nervous about turning this 'old'. To be quite honest, some people still feels super duper young in their 30s... It's kinda ironic that I feel like 'this is it' for me.

I was always a planner. Ask me what will I be in 5 to 10 years and I will answer it very clearly, very quickly, without hesitation, and it is incredibly detail-oriented, down to the brand of the shoes and the bags I'm wearing. Very optimistic. I think of every single decision I made, what's the long-term impact, what's in it for me in the long run. I am very boring. You won't see me jumping off a cliff on a single rope bounding my ankles, it's too risky. You will see me exhausting myself on my job, though. I always knew I need that 'safety net' protecting me 24/7, I need a plan B for my plan B. My risk is your average Joe. I count my mistakes. I think of my mistakes. I regret, sometimes way too much than I should.

My wish for this year is that I let go. To be less perfectionist, to stop tiring myself thinking which shade of pink my best friend prefers. I want to be young, I want to make a huge load of mistakes and not feel too sorry about it. To embrace the smeared eyeliner and the unsaid I love you-s, to accept that a 'D' does happen once in a while... That it's worth the laugh. It's okay to cry, to disappoint and be disappointed. It's funny because it was never about other people. It was always me, limiting myself.

So to 20 years old Brina; I know you're going to look back to this post and see what was going on during your 19th birthday. Well, the 19 year old you wants you to be happy, healthy, and in love. With yourself, with the people around you, with your routines, with your homework that we all know it's currently piling away somewhere. The 19 year old wish you never stop trying to let go, to eliminate negative thoughts, to be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. To live.

Siebzehn!

Thank you Geng Sosialita for coming to my birthday dinner! I love you guys soooo much, and I shall post something pretty tomorrow on turning seventeen.

Til then... Take off the heels, hang up the dress, put down the make up and just hit for the sheets!

April 27th of 2013... You've been nothing but a blast.

April: Because life starts at the age of sixteen.

Or... At least I believe it that way. I turned sixteen at April 27th, exactly at 18:23, or 6:32p. I considered my birthday as a blessing, because I love being sixteen. There's this, I don't know, certain feeling when I said the word 'sixteen'. I'm emptying up my anticipation in turning sixteen to the survival of being sixteen.

I had my party today, and I should say it's up to my standards of perfection:B even though I didn't get my friends Maqui's custard puddings, I'm glad to say that the macarons are so great and tasted awesome, and the teppanyaki chef is entertaining. I know now that putting on a pair of Arabian Eyes sucks, though it looks a million dollar (as if my eyes has been surgically enlarged, ahahaha). I should start learning putting eyeliner without tearing my eyes up!

 Jeje sends the second wish!<3 Meivy got the first and she sent me a voicenote.

 Kakak Fadia Housewife:">

 SIXTEEN, baby, SIXTEEN<3

The whole invitees; Kak Fadia, Me, Amel, Meivy, Kak Sarah, Vicca, Abiw, Maul, Jeje, Rina, Icha, Mawla!

 Testimonial board

 GIFTSSS! The nails lacquer is from kak Fadia, the peace necklace and Darren Criss pics are from Abiw, the wallet is from Maul and the cup is from Mawla!

I will keep it, biw! And I'm amazingly hipster so of course I can't say no to a 'peace' sign!:)) It'll go perfectly with my jeans+tees. 

 We got matching nail polish, kak Fadia and I!<3

Mawla, this thing is so friggin important every morning, so, nothing is useless for me. I've been asking Mom for a new mug but she didn't let me get one so, THANK YOU! 

Selalu ada modus dibalik jepretan Brina.

I just realised that I have obsessions in life; Sixteen. New York. Babies. A white rose pulled out of the shirt sleeve. Picture perfect things. Nail polish. Arabian eyes. Staying pretty. Success. Writing. Sweets. And another million things, that may include you.