Today is a very slow day. Well, at least for me. Everything seems to slow itself down and some things just meant to be popped up. Like that actor that kinda looks like you and how my fingers are very itchy to open facebook. To type in your name in the search box. To realise you're already using that 'sucky' timeline layout. To tap in the year 2010. To find the status and the comments. To capture every page. To seek for your best photo. To seek the photo that made me fell for you. To show them to my friends. To retell the stories. To go back in time. To realising that I'm deeply missing you. For realising that I'm deeply missing you. For knowing that I will never, ever go back in the position again.
For someone who had a very slow day, I still think that four years are really quick. Really quick. I'm almost seventeen now and then, I was thirteen. Stupid, foolish, but the most important thing is I was loved. Heavily loved, by an older boy, sensible, simple. Who loved me at my best and my worst. I would never think, in my thirteenth days, that I would be sitting in front of my snazzy computer with fast internet connection, blogging about some leftover feelings that cannot be burned or channeled, being so mellow, fed up about everything and anything, and it's just not funny anymore when you're still stuck in behind when everyone else is starting their new labels. Their new identities. Their new partners. Pfft, I don't even dare for asking one. How can I ask when I still compare a lot. And by a lot, I mean a lot. I complain a lot. I worry a lot. I ask around a lot. The comfortability the safety of staying in love in that the past gave me has efficiently changed to a mutant ball of feelings. It's becoming stronger and smarter everyday and it's definitely torturing. To see you happy is one thing but to see me messy is the other. It's like I want to save myself but I'm not helping me either.
And for someone who thinks that I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved, I kinda wondered why it would be like if someone had actually saved me by now.