Showing posts with label Ramadan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ramadan. Show all posts

Monday, August 13, 2012

I'm back, I'm back, I'm back!

I just finished doing the Ramadan thingy at school and I enjoyed every second of it. News is my super duper awesome class; XI-IPA3 didn't win the Nasheed competition. In many reasons, I believe that the winners (XII-IPA1, XII-IPA3, XII-IPS) deserve to win because they rock! Remember #17, we got a year to go and all the trophies to take home, yay!

Because there's nothing to narrate (except the fact that I woke up at 2.30 for sahur and tried to hide my sleepy zombie eyes by putting eyeliners, my eyes are too gay), I'm just going to post several pictures of the Pesantren Ramadhan that lasted for two days, (8/10-8/11)

Practised in Gedung Runtuh



Ken at Kece-est. This is for his fans;):))





P.S. I didn't have XII-IPS&XII-IPA1 performance photos because the camera was used;(

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

FICTION: Baby Blue Eyes.

There's always something intriguing about one person's eyes. I always feel like the blue pierced mine so badly, it somehow had a killing act during the moment. While the darker group sense more seriousness in the air, I think grey does it better. The thoughts of eye colours popped in to mine until I decided to walk to the light's direction and everything continues to fall apart. At ease, a lad, slender and well-built, with features framed with a simple manifesto of attractiveness reach out a hand for me. "Are you ready?"

I still have the same bitterness on my tongue and the delicate sweetness all over my mouth from the tea I sipped earlier. The hand that grabbed my hand is soft with calluses, it's like being in the middle of something new and challenging. My feet felt a simple ease in each step so I didn't bother to ask where he's taking me. After the whole eye-color saga, my head is filled with questions like Are you really ready? or Who's the young man leading the way? or What if nothing goes right and you'll broke in to pieces again? I kept asking the same stuff over and over again until the ground feels a bit jelly and funny. I looked down and the ground is red, like a strawberry jell-o, but even better. It's bouncy but it's set. My Repettos float anxiously and the guy told me to sit down on the classic white iron park bench. "Here comes the movie, I hope you enjoy you as the starring actress." He looked at me right through my eyes, and from that second I knew. My eye colour saga... Is a brain worthy article. His eyes are blue, and it pierced through my soul.

The sky was the silver screen and the popcorn he brought me tasted like candy floss. I watched my moments playing, my first step, my first word and my first book I ever read; It was something with bunnies and the words was less than fifty. My first dance recital, I wore a cotton plaid skirt and yellow tank, waving ribbons in the air. And then my traditional dance class, I did one hard move successfully and I was laughing. I was so happy, compared to now. The popcorn can was empty and he stroke a smile, refilling the can and giving it back to me. This time, it tasted like bitter coffee.

I saw my dad throwing things to me, english teacups and his bloodshot eyes leered my mom, standing with zero chance of saving me. He screamed, he was loud. I wasn't crying at all and I sat on the corner. He grabbed one of the plastic laundry thongs and clipped three to my left ear. "Go finish your homework, or the other ear will have another three!" I still remembered his face that night. It burned in the back of my head. I did my math homework alone, it was easy but it was a lot. Thirty numbers of three digit addition and subtraction; I was six. It has come to my mind that my mom dropped a tear as she closed the door to my room. 

During my first attempt on writing a superficial fiction and my first philosophy book, I opened my mouth and asked the guy sitting next to me "Who did this to me?" My eyes gazed and I scooped more popcorn (Tangerine flavoured) and fill some to my mouth. "God sent me to you. He wanted to let you know how much you've improved in your life. See that? Your first Melville. You finished the entire bibliography by now." He point to the book I was holding in my hand. It was the first day of junior high. "Sometimes, all it takes is a simple reminder. Humans are always busy fixing things; living up to their expectation and making more out of everything. They're always either high to the clouds or dead down underground. My job here is to keep you save to hover the land. Not too proud, but not so cynical." He explained and I just feel a little dead inside. The movie is a reminder. It's my life on a track. My life and everything revolving to it. Later I found out that an ex boyfriend was cheating behind my back and someone was using me to abuse another's life. That the most nice girl in class was the most bitchiest person I ever known, and the quiet in the back of the class holds most secrets. The tallest guy next door was on drugs, the young lady I sat next to during the bus trip is sick with cancer. 

The movie ended with a single flashy lights and my canned popcorn ran out. The last flavour I tasted was insipid. It was nothing, a can full of nothing. The guy grabbed my hand again and took me back. He gave me a white paper with fifty numbers on it, next to the numbers are things I might be missing out in life. Number twenty one is the fact that my dad is my poison and my antidote. Number ten is Strapless dresses are reckless. Number fifteen showed me that I only drink approximately five glass of water a day. "Hold on to it, you'll need it. And off the records; there is supposed to be number fifty one: Eyes never lie. See you soon." His piercing blue eyes see through me again, and the next thing I know, I'm in a local coffee shoppe with a half empty mug filled with black coffee. I reached to my left sweater pocket and I have a list of fifty number of things I might be missing out in life. Before I got my head straight and try to figure out what's happening, a tall blonde guy walked in the cafe and place an order. When our eyes met, we locked eyes and I can't believe what's happening. It's the same piercing blue eyes. I lowered my hand and try to distract my head, until I found out that the back of my receipt, scribbled a three words-twelve letters sentence I've memorised earlier. Eyes never lie.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

They care; they just don't give a f@#$ about it.

Hello hello. The week has been (and will be, anyway) tough because XI-IPA3 is practising the Nasheed performance, yay! It's the biggest gig and I'm looking forward to it each day. 

Enough with the happy-happy-screw-life-I-love-my-mess vibe. Everybody knows that there's gazillion secrets behind one's smile, and I hide a lot. I'm working on diverting every stressful bone inside of me so it'll be a super strong and determined bone for me to study, like it's my first priority. LIKE. I know for sure studying will never be my thing but what the hell, if we can fake every emotion there is, why can't we fake this one. Have I told you that chances are I'd be spending my college time in Germany? Well, I don't want to go but I kinda want to go. Won't it be cute, sporting my knit hats and red lipstick in the middle of a snowed land, or a Burberry trench coat, layering a black peplum dress with Wolford and Jeffrey Campbell. And bringing a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc home, and eating greens all week because I ran out of money. The things that's keeping me here are Christmas and my friends! I can't imagine Christmas without Oma, and Ramadan without the hecticness of planning Buka Bersama. I want to go but I don't want to go. Bapak haven't told me the circumstances of me, going to Germany because the last time I saw Bapak, we didn't discuss much. 

The other thing is... I always feel like I will never be enough. Never. My efforts will always be useless and pointless. It's like, I'm a clear glass that kept growing out of heat and there will always be a curious hollowness inside of me, wanting to be filled but will always be empty. And at times, they just knocked me out and crash me into pieces because I'm a) replaceable and b) useless. I'm easy to find, it's not that hard finding someone who's anguished and tired to the bones. I'm not funny and I never made other people laugh, proud, happy, smile, or anything good. I'm nothing near special and to be quite honest, I've done bad things along the way and I'm in no way to be proud. Don't you just wish that you could break the rule and live your life in your way, without being judged and whispered and talked about. Like, everybody cares but they don't give a fuck. I will never be bored but I believe that small minds discuss people, averages discuss events and smart-asses discuss ideas. And those small minds stick things to you. Labels, judgements, thoughts that should be kept personal but they blabbed it anyway. I know I'm one of them, I like judging people in their face. I like labelling people and keeping that burning hatred, violence choice of words inside of me, it's like a ticking time bomb that could explode anytime and many time as I wish. Like, sometimes you just snapped? Well, I just snapped today. For being not worthy enough, for being stupid, for being such a chaotic person, for being anything and everything I am today because frankly, if Clean Slate exists, I want my hands on it. I'd kill to get my hands on it. I don't know what I will be if I could start fresh. But I know what I'll be keeping: My reckless amount dorkiness and the extinct humorous kick inside of me.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

QOTW: Everyday Tea.


Ramadan made me drink sweet tea, almost everyday. It's sort of a healing remedy for me. I know it sounds so drama but I'm all chocked up inside.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What is it that we seek.

It's only in love and in murder that we still remain sincere.
Friedrich Dürrenmatt.

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.

Apa kamu percaya cinta pada pandangan pertama?" | "Sepertinya orang lebih bisa mengerti cinta pada pelukan terakhir. - @zarryhendrik

---

Hello! I forgot to tell you about EF yesterday. Mom forgot to give me money so I didn't have the book yet, sigh. We have three new kid in the class and I'm so glad. If you're somehow reading this, one of you, excuse my noise when I'm with Zizi. What you should know is that (a) We're not really humans, (b) We're like Tom and Jerry and (c) We both made out of firecrackers or things that's REALLY really noisy, but cool, like, I don't know, an AK-47? Hehehehe. If you're in any way disturbed you should talk to Zizi because he started most of the distraction we had.

I watched batman again today, and I'm going to watch it for the third time, and fourth, and fifth, and sixth, and so on until it run out of theatre. It's sooooo cool and mindblowingly awesome! Sucks that Zizi noticed one of the trick though, sigh. I skipped sahur today, and my stomach just become extremely sour:( I tried to soak up the acid with blueberry muffin but I ended up throwing it up like a stupid bulimic kid hhh. I calm my self down by putting make up on and skipped dinner. Hell yeah it's going to hurt.

So about the quotes... During my hot shower, the quotes just keep bouncing on my mind. Here's the truth. My favourite thoughts was... If true love is like ghost, does that mean it's delusional also? Like, ghost is inexistent, it does not exist. There's no science that could explain that ghost does exist and it's like, imaginative. I know, true love is such an overrated word to describe a situation or to use in an explanation. But still, don't you have those bits inside of you that crave true love?

My bestfriend is so wise, people, I'm touched:')

Me playing with eyeliners. See!!!! My eyes looked normal:p

P.S. For GKSR, I'll be playing the guitar with Ken Aully plus we're in the card-designing team too! Jellies? :]

Monday, July 23, 2012

Four Words: The Dark Knight Rises.


FIRST DAY OF (NORMAL) SCHOOL! Yay. I did nearly 70 numbers of basic math today and recite Quran. Met the new girl, her name is Rani. Turns out we have a mutual friend because she lived in Qatar and I got a bestfriend there:B Hmmm watched The Dark Knight Rises today, nuf said, it's a kickass amazing movie! It taught me a lot of stuff and I can't wait for the screencaps to fill tumblr hehehehehehe. I think I'm going to watch it again. Here's some awesome quotes!

Tell me it ain't ever coming back.

 Know what, I'm actually worried.

For someone out there, you're strong!


Aaaaannndddd.....

Something like this for my future (happily ever after) wedding.

It took me almost sixteen years to sleep without the night on. I was afraid the monsters under my bed would just crawl out and eat me. Turns out, all you have to do is suit up so the monsters won't eat you.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Three's a charm.


(We put the order under Kamal's name: Juragan Kamal! :B)

(Me&Hilmi)

(l-r: Kamal, Bos Dika, Hilmi, Kak Fadia, Me, Alif)

Ramadan: day three! So I've been looking forward to this day, like, since forever. No of course not, I'm just exaggerating hehehe. Kak Fadia planned the gathering since she got in to Undip. It was kind of... A farewell dinner since Kak Fadia is going away to Semarang and Bos Dika to Germany for college. It's a little crew of us lol 

Btw, the twist is that I didn't know Alif was coming. The seniors keep it on purpose! I came first to Domino's to book the seats and suddenly I saw Alif coming through the door. It was something like this:

B: Alif?Kamu ngapain disini?
A: Eh brin. Yang lainnya kemana?
B: Hah?
A: Buka bareng Fadia kan?

And my face just went "Dafuq?" all the time until Hilmi and Kamal arrived. Turns out they knew that Alif was coming and I'm the one who didn't know. Sigh, seniors >.< But today was so fun! We laughed our heart out and it was therapeutic for me hehehehe mostly we laugh because our personal stories and anecdotes that we kept retelling and sharing. I don't know, I don't have any words to describe today. It was priceless. Today was perfect!


Saturday, July 21, 2012

Oblivious/obvious


Hello! Ramadan day two! I stayed at the hotel in my PJs until noon, and I went home. I actually planned to watch a movie today but  thanks to my forever lazy ass, I cancelled them. I just have to watch The Dark Knight Rises within a week or... God. I want to see my babe Anne Hathaway in a catsuit so bad! (And mutter about it after, setting up crazy, unreachable diet programme. Uh-huh) I had poached teriyaki salmon and veggies today plus some fries for break fasting. Real food, unlike yesterday. And back in the hotel, I ordered some fried rice because I'm staarving. I was in the middle of my crazy photoshoot when mom came in and decided that I won't be up for sahur tomorrow, so I have to go to the boring hotel again. Yada. I want to watch a sappy movie but turns out I'm in the mood for Letters to Juliet instead. Hm. Weird. 

(One of my shots. I think I'll continue tomorrow...)

Crack of the day: BMW Goreng. BMW Cabai Hijau. BMW Kremes.
Galau of the day: I'll never discuss this, not in a million years, but either you're heartless or obviously oblivious. Maybe I'll come up with something... Ten years from now.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day One

Hello! Yes I scheduled this post. I forgot to post the post yesterday so here it goes (And I'm going to act as if I'm writing this post on 7/20 when it's actually 7/21, noon.)


I stayed at home all day long, except the two hours out to EF. The collage was completely bogus, just to narrate you through my mood during the day. I was... Swoon-y. I know I'm completely exaggerating and yes, I'm a bit freaked out. No one close to me was fasting today, except Jeje but in the morning she told me she got her period. Happy Birthday, bitch. All I did was watching the new dvds Mom just bought me. It has Bones and Criminal Minds and yes, I'm in marathon with Criminal Minds. I finished season six just yesterday and starting seven today. I know it's CREEPY. Super creepy because Criminal Minds is a fifty minutes footage of psychopaths and sociopaths and kooky guys with weapons hunting people, and sometimes the victim's condition is not pretty at all for the cockiness of a TV show. BUT. There's always going to be a but for me. Spencer Reid is waaay too awesome. Like, he's every dream guy of every sane girl out there. Geeky, polite, kickass genius, good looking, extremely fascinating, and by the look of his appearance I can suggest that he smells really good. And he got like, the cutest smile and though his brows are not as thick as I like it... He passed. He majored in psychology too, so that's something.


I didn't drink much liquids today and I should probably do that more often. I feel like feeling super dehydrated tomorrow. You know what, forget it.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Embracing Ramadan

Hello! I'm fasting tomorrow with (this I'm sure) a bunch of people in Arab and some in Indonesia. I thought my family choose to be fasting on Saturday but turns out we picked Friday! It's so weird being an anomaly because me and my family always been following the government orders. 

I think Ramadan is a special time of the year where I just stop and reminiscing for a while. This includes praying more and reading the Quran way more hahahaha. I think Ramadan is a point where I just take back and relax, watching the time winds for a month and came up with a bucket list of what to do and not to do for the next Hegira year. I love Ramadan, but I don't think it's worth celebrating. It's a dark month for me, because most of my major changes happened in Ramadan. Cliche I know, but... Yeah. 

I think I'm going to blog daily for Ramadan so, here comes the #Ramadan label!❃☺