Ibu Dessy was absent today,

So we play along in the class, webcam-ing and basically, playing. Had another test of EYD and finally I score 88. I got 48, 68, 60, and finally 88. I never realized it before because a) I speak english more than I speak Indonesian inside my mind and to my Mother and b) I used the society Indonesian, which means 'lemari' not 'almari', 'antri' not 'antre'.  Did a little conversation in english, about getting to know each other. Basic stuffs like asking names, hobbies, address. My partner was Maul (whom I know for 3 years. Funny, I know) after English was PKn and we talk about basic civil studies. Dismissed before Geography!! Yay so happy hahahaha. Mother is gone in the weekend, work stuff and Bapak also M.I.A. At least they still provided the things I need. It could've been worse.

Btw, saw this..... on Facebook.

It's so old, dated October 10th of 2010. I'll re-do it again. Slightly different from above of course, hahahaha.

A - AVAILABLE: Not really, but I'm single

B - BIRTHDAY: April 27th

C - CRUSH: I got one, but it's just a crush.

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Starbucks Caramel Macchiato

E - EASIEST PERSON(s) TO TALK TO: Maulida Aulia Rezki, Nuria Ulfah, Amalia Farahtika, Mother.

F - FAVE SONG: Nothin' On You - B.O.B feat Bruno Mars (still.... LOL)

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Gummy Worms! Bears somehow always failed me-_-- (still worms!!:D)

H - HOMETOWN: Surabaya! Miss the city so much

I - IN LOVE WITH: None, currently. It's just a crush.

J - JUGGLE: No. (still, hahahaha no interest of learning how to juggle)

K - KILLED SOMEONE: Literally, no. Un-literally, HEAPS. (this too... Hahaha)

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 6 hours. Bandung in traffic!!! Arrgghhh

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Strawberry.

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2 stepsibs

O - ONE WISH: go to heaven. 

P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Mother.

R - REASON TO SMILE: Life and God being so nice and forgiving.

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 4.45 am:D

U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: I always wear nudes. That's the last thing I want to tell anyone about my undergarments-_-- (STILL! Hahaha)

VEGETABLE(S): Broccoli, Spinach, Coleslaw anything green and crunchy! (And I'm digging mushrooms right now)

W - WORST HABIT: Being spoiled and bitchy. &Procrastinating things.

X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: Lungs.

Y – YOYOS ARE: Useless!

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus. The #1 Royalty on love:D

You see some slight changes. Seeing the post definitely make me smile remembering how happy I was, and laughing to myself because not long after I wrote the post I broke up with.... D. At least I was happy, and crazily in love. I miss the old me. People said it all the time and my call about it is....

Sometimes we don't even know we're changing. I know I changed a lot. I can accept people I love not being with me for the sake of their happiness, I accept rejection with the belief that god is preparing something more special behind the reason, I take up criticism without ended up insinuating them in twitter, I shut my mouth and speak to my self, putting me in their shoes, etc. etc. If there's a place to grow up against  yourself and be a better person, it's High School.

After all, my mission of life is making the world a better place to live in.

B

I'm quite thankful with my laptop now. Seriously. I love my macbook pro to death and there's nothing in this world to compare the feeling I got when I pressed the power button on my mac... Yet. But when my first intention is to buy Macbook Air, and Bapak doesn't allow me to get it because their processor is still Core2Duo, and a few days later Mac announced that Macbook Air is available in Core i5...... My heart drops. If only I could wait a few days longer to the wait, I might have lighter baggage on my back and faster processor. My MBP is only Core i3 right now. But I know things happen for reasons.

I titled the post with a B. Seriously. No meaning.

Lied. It's actually have a meaning.

I never been in a no status relationship before. There are only three relationship status in this live that I know, and they are Single, In a Relationship, and Married. There's no such thing as widowed or complicated stuff in my world. But when we're in one, sometimes it is what it is. You all know I broke my relationship off early this month, and I have to say, I don't know if it's the thing that I really want. People got delusive and weird all the time, and I was in the "delusive-and-weird" mood that time. I'm desperately tired, I never want another drama in my life, I hate being seconded, people are influencing me, and I took my call.

And every now and then, I regret the call.

But every now and then, I'm happy I took my call.

Anyway, I'm still very young and I have no right to speak about love. But I know one that is probably true and.... People experienced it. You can't help it being so sad and depressed and sick and wanting people you've loved back in your life. After all, they have been there, cheering you and being there and listening to your crap. But in the end, people have to leave because their duty in your life has ended. And it's up to them, to resign their duty or to take another call to be on your side again.

Don't you hate it when other people take the decision and you're the one who's waiting for the answer???

Day One

Photobooth with Meivy after school. Sneak out to Starbucks and chat til seven &I got home by seven thirty. FUN DAY though X-4 (The class I belong to, the last class on the batch and I'm the last kid on the class... Blame the S) doesn't have lockers yet so still carrying things on our own, it's still fun. The most exciting class was Economy despite it's the last class of the day. Anyway, sharing pics of our randomness. "Brina dan Meivy sudah SMA"

We're completely still in touch. Crazily. I have more of it but somethings aren't meant to be shared..... Hahahahahahahaha.

Decisions

OKK is done!!!!!!!! And next monday I'll be wearing Putih-Abu!!! Cheers for B!!! :p

Btw, I kinda decided what organization I want to enter when I'm in Bina Insani. OSIS.... And I'd be aiming for English Department. I kinda have some ideas popped up here and there so... Yeah. I'll be kinda disappointed if I couldn't make it. The second one is.... PASKIBRA!!! I'm so excited being a paskibra because I've been feeling a bit.... Tender?? Remembering the days from year7 and year8 reminded me that things were hard those days. Not "study-pressure" hard, but "I-got-responsibility-and-things-to-taken-care-of" hard. Being a year9 was tough, but not as tough as year7 and year8. I know being a paskibra-member is HARD, and I know with me being a paskibra-member, their stuff is different than our stuff, because of the Military Rules. But I'd be delightful to learn and experienced another world, and surely I need the toughness and the strictness they have. I'm so spoiled at this moment because last year at Junior High wasn't that.... Hard. I sucked at IPA but I still get great scores on my RC. I know I always completed my tasks and reports, but still. The max. score is 90 and the chance of me, scoring 80+ on Ujian Kelulusan is super thin. Math also. Who doesn't like getting an 8+ RC, but when they found out how they got the marks.... It's super disappointing. I'm stupid but I'm not that stupid to realize what's going on around me.

For ekskul, I kinda have to go with the photography. I have no obligation, I'm telling you. But I just need to be there because having the skills without paying 5.000.000+ per session with the famous Darwis is one of God's prayer to me, hahahahahaha. I want to join in Journalism as well, but I don't know if the subject interact people >10 and if I can handle it or not. I've been sick lately and I've been sticking myself to my turbuhaler.

I'm in a indefinition-relationship right now. Nuf said.

OKK, tomorrow!!!!!!

I haven't really... you know. Packed. Because I'm so unsure about carrying my things in a suitcase.... When they try to teach us to survive. Anyway I got all of my things and they are....

o) Long sleeve t-shirt (but I brought one long sleeve shirt, one long sleeve tees and one short sleeve tees, just incase...)

o) Socks, but high in length.

o) Sweater. I brought one sweats and one hoodies.

o) Pants. I brought two, another just incase....

o) Mukena and Sajadah.

o) Toiletries.

o) Sleeping bag.

o) Scouting stick.

o) Personal meds..... Which means a turbo-healer and minyak telon for me.

o) Torchlight and candles (with matches)

o) A hugful of firewoods.
o) Salt.

o) Water.

o) City. Just kidding. Thongs.... for FEET.

o) An emergency lamp.

o) 10 meters of rope.

 

At OKK they will introduce us of how things work in OSIS/Student Body Gov, Paskibra/The flag bearer, Pramuka/The boy&girl scouts, and PMR/The junior red scouts. To be blunt, I was in MPK at year7 and PMR since year8. I can't say I did so well because I sometimes ditch the meetings for English Club, my forevermore love organization *and it's not running the way it used to be, right now. Sigh* but I'd say I do fine. A few friends suggested me to join in on OSIS and take on Sekbid 10, the English department. I am very confident with the way I speak english, but I still need to configure things out before I made the decision. If I will be an OSIS member, I have more responsibility on me and I can't ditch them out like what I did in Junior High.

Oh. I hate when some random person said something and it's quoted, tattooed on our minds.

"Growing older means growing more responsibility"

Ta'aruf?? Check!!

Hey, sorry for the complete hiatus because I just finished joining Ta'aruf, which is a 3-day orientation in my new campus, Bina Insani. It's not that different with my previous Spensa orientation (But Spensa's longer and.... more cruel). The seniors are really nice but the evaluation they pulled in the last two days had been very nice and unforgettable. I really like day three, because I like the adrenaline rush inside of me, and the time they said they were kidding.... My heart drops. O M G, I thought it was real!!!!!!!!! I'm now very very tired and very very drowned. I'll tell you the momentum about the Ta'aruf but before......

I got a Macbook. Pro. Not Air. Pro. I know I shouldn't complain because Pro is so much nicer than Air, but I want Air to death because it's so light and I hate carrying heavy metal thing in my bag. But I thank Allah everytime I pray because I've been working on my song-writing passion and I'm working with my baby Ciffy, my first ever guitar.

DAY 1

I braid my hair (cornrows style) to 4 section because I was born in April. I bring Nasi Kuning with Abon and Sate for the "Tebak-tebakan" and I'm so happy that day because I feel no burden at all... And I'm spending my Day 1 smoothly. Compared to my BFFs at Public School, mine are so much nicer and kinder because in Public School we are attached to so many things!! And the essays, omg. /dead/ My favourite time of Day 1 is when the seniors read out the next "Tebak-tebakan". I feel so smart because I catch the things easily..... Hehehehe. I arrived home at six.

DAY 2

I USED KERUDUNG THIS DAY. I'm very sensitive with the thing because my scalp can't handle heat and my own sweat... But this day, I'm not that sensitive. In fact I'm very comfy with kerudung wrapping my head. My favourite momentum is when I get to know all the teachers in Bina Insani and asking signatures (And apparently spent too much time in it, so I missed out the opportunity to get the Dewan Harian OSIS') because they're really friendly. Arrived at home at five thirty.

DAY 3

Favourite part?? The evaluation. That. Evaluation. Is. God. I feel so scared and welcomed at the very same time. A part of me is still scared about the evaluation but the other just.... Glad. And the Pocari Sweat team came and put us into games and we got a bottle of PC each.

Overall, I'm so happy I didn't missed out the opportunity to actually finished Ta'aruf. I might not be the best (As I saw screencaps of me, talking about Ta'aruf stuffs. I'm sorry for those who got offended......) but I'm still happy and approve the thing if they want to do it next year. I have no revenge or anything, but there's no better welcoming hellos than the evaluation.

BTW Alira, saw your post. Thanks for mentioning me!!! ;)

New Music to My Ears

Go Outside, by Cults from Boing Boing on Vimeo.

Check, check, check.

I got my Nylon Mag, my Poconggg juga Pocong book, new hairbands and tasted Black Sesame Green Tea Frappucinno. I think BS Green Tea frap tasted funny, and it's not inda my bevs.... Because I like my coffee and I like it heavy..... Hehehehehehe. Anyway school is starting and I think I'm not yet in the blogging-passe mood. Especially Bapak has been so driven to bought me the MBA, because he's strongly believe the thing will help me grow. Yaaayyyy!!!!! I'd be spending my time at Starbucks doing projects and home works because Mother thinks the house is not appropriate for my study session as well as Starbucks and that she's thinking that the house might need a tad of renovation!! Yay, twice. Anyway........ I think this is cutie. It's not for everyone though, I'm super single and neutral

And I'm finishing all of my holiday plans. My holiday plans??? I'll told you about it later:)

Photographers

What is the world without them, to capture the beauty that god creates?

My favourites are Mike Rosenthal and Hedi Slimane. Both fashion photographer. I also have a neighbor who's a freelance photographer and my ex-boyfriend's older brother is one too. I myself is a rookie in photography, and I'll share my work later :D

Anyway, it's Hedi Slimane's work that I absolutely love. The model herself, Sasha Pivovarova is a living inspiration to me. She model for several designer, including Chanel. I absolutely adore her and the fact that she's tall slender and Russian kills me. My favourite work of her is the H&M Fall 2009 Ad, the one with bow and "OMG" expression hahahaha. She's an artist also because she draws amazing stuff and she a vegetarian.

This one too, Lara Stone. I didn't put much attention to Lara, compared to my crazy fetish of Sasha Pivovarova and Irina Lazareanu and Kate Moss, but I do adore her gap teeth and her coming to the industry.

There's so much artist and photographer I love, that started on fashion industry. &I'm a fan of the industry too, since I am seven.

I Love

More on my Tumblr. Click the Icon on the first row of my blog <--

and for cuteness...............

P.S. I'm so glad Kate got married, but I'd be much more happier if she's with Doherty right now.

I gain more and more.........

Boredom. They said holidays make you fatter. I do agree but I seems to manage to stay on my weight by  eating much more fruits+veggies in order to poop daily and stay healthy!!! I haven't managed to taste the black sesame green tea frappucinno. Arrrgghhh, anyway I'd share you my list of resolution this year. I know  it's late and people made resolution to break em off, but I'm not sure what I'll do with this one. It's already mid year and I kinda done them so I'll cross off some stuff, so.. yeah. Here you go,

S's Little 2011 Resolution

#1. Graduated

#2. Graduated with 35+ GPA

#3. Manage to get in to great school

#4. Manage to have the iMac 

(Hell no, I didn't get my iMac yet. But bapak was talking about mobility and decide to change the resolution to #5)

#5. Manage to have the Macbook Air

#6. Stay in a healthy relationship. As you know, it's off people

#7. Study more languages this year.

#8. Drink less caffeine

#9. Save up for another Doc Martens 

(I was planning to buy it next year when I can finally ask Mother to SG but Indonesia finally has the open collection in TheGoodsDept, Plaza Indonesia. YAYNESS)

#10. Watch less TV.

#11. Manage to have a Sony Nex 3k Camera

#12. If #11 failed, Manage to have Legria.

#13. Pray continuously to God.

#14. Have a new bestfriend.

#15. Start off new something. I tried Ballet for almost a year now, but I want contemporary so bad in UDC.

I think that's it. With much planning and control, I believe this can be resulted by the end of this year. And with everything going on with my life I believe this list could grow longer. And longer. And longer.

Oh!!!! 2012 is the year for a baby brother!!! I cannot help it to have a mini man running around hugging me after school and sleeping next to me at my bed. I just hope Mother's ready because she has been the busiest Mother in the whole universe.

There's not much going on

I'm just finishing my second holiday book, Sweet Little Lies by Lauren Conrad. I always hated Madison, don't you think. And I always picture her as one of the Bridal Plasty reality show, Jenessa. Hahahaha she's such a bitch in the show and I finished the show not long before I read the book, so the image kinda stuck. I imagine Scarlett as Scarlett Johansson but the brunette version..... Jane as a really sweet blonde girl, I cannot seem to channel her to anyone and Gaby to Heather Morris. Hahahahahaha I'm a very visual person so as I read I always imagine the people in their real situation. I kinda told you I'm going to taste Starbucks' new drink, the Black Sesame Green Tea Frappucinno but I didn't have much time yesterday (of course, the bus has pulled up then) so I just go straight for my bus cos I didn't really feel about waiting for another hour.

Anyway, JFF...

1. Height: 5' 4"
2. Shoe Size: 8
3. Sexual Orientation: Straight. But I'm so curious how it feels to be gay.
4. Do you Smoke? I'm basically allergic to cigarettes
5. Do you Drink? Water? yes. Milk? allergic. Coffee? YES YES YES. Others?? Not so much.
6. Do you Take Drugs? When I got sick, yes.
7. Age you get mistaken for: 24!!!!!!! I'm FIFTEEN.
8. Have Tattoos? Nope.
9. Want any tattoos? Yes but it's illegal for a muslim to have one.
10. Got any Piercings? Yes, on ears
11. Want any piercings? Mine's enough.
12. Best friend? 3 PERSON WHOM I LOVE VERY DEARLY
13. Relationship status: Single!
14. Biggest turn ons: Geeky guy and thin crusted pizzas
15. Biggest turn offs: JERKS, and Foie Gras.
16. Favorite Movie: Funny Face.
17. I’ll love you if: You have so much differences with me, yet we're still two peas in a pod.
18. Someone you miss: My grandfathers.
19. Most traumatic experience: Breakups. Divorce. Seperating from people you love.
20. A fact about your personality: Sassy.
21. What I hate most about myself: My appearance
22. What I love most about myself: My devotion to life.
23. What I want to be when I get older: A pediatrician or a petroleum engineer.
24. My relationship with my sibling(s): very well, with the fact they are my step siblings
25. My relationship with my parents: SUPER AWESOME.
26. My idea of a perfect date: Darren Criss. nuf said,
27. My biggest pet peeves: Fashion victims. Wearing ugly clothes.
28. A description of the girl/boy I like: Glasses+Guitar+Nice personality+crooked smile.
29. A description of the person I dislike the most: Boyfriend stealer.
30. A reason I’ve lied to a friend: Because the truth is ugly.
31. What I hate the most about school: The people in it. Super judgmental.
32. What my last text message says: "Gajadi tp kayanya"
33. What words upset me the most: I never loved you ever.
34. What words make me the best about myself: You can take the world down
35. A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11 being happy
36. What I find attractive in boys. Crooked smile!!!
37. Where I would like to live. NYC
38. One of my insecurities. My face
39. My childhood career choice. I cannot seem to remember, I'm a train wreck when I'm a little.
40. My favorite ice cream. Cotton Candy
41. Who I wish I could be. Serena van der Woodsen
42. Where I want to be right now. NYC
43. The last thing I ate. Maicih Chips. Hahahaha
44. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately. Darren Criss. Ah.
45. A random fact about anything. Why buy things on sale when you can afford them in regular price?

I don't need to try and control you

 

I believe in dreams,

That's maybe the reason I never dream... you know, black and empty and sad. I rarely dreaming about something nice, moreover I hardly get nightmares. But when I got one.... It's coming true somehow. Like Blair Waldorf, but she had the nightmare after something happened. I, however, before something happens.

My nightmares are always black-and-white. I always have my hair down and wearing the vintage white court heels. They often about boys, because seriously... It took over 30% of my brain. And the place is always...... Pure white. The sky and the ground has no boundary and there's no trees, no rocks, no road. The things that always there is a) A guitar. b) a park bench. c) a stool. Just that, and the people on the dream itself. I always sit down from the stool, observing things going on in the park bench. That one time was about my jealousy so I sat on the stool and I saw my ex-boyfriend teaching a friend of mine playing a guitar. Another was I, played a guitar alone and a boy took me by the hand, leaving the boy I sat into. I know it's consider superstitious to believe in these but it felt so real and I did experienced it in the real life.

But my non-nightmares.... Are sometimes delusional. It's purely imaginative and I always wear polka red dress like Minnie Mouse. Maybe the nightmares are my under-self spirit who's worrying and sometimes worries come to live.

I'm going out this noon. I want to legalized my SKHUN and took my Ijazah and legalized it, also for Bina Insani. Pra-Taaruf is on the edge and I'm nervous as hell. I think I kinda suit their green skirt, don't you think? Planned to taste the bevs, I'm a fan of Starbucks if you were wondering..... Not a big fan of sesame but......... Let's see how it goes.

b-o-r-e-d, all day long

Appearance

[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[] I’ve had/have braces.
[] I have more than two piercings.
[] I have / had piercings in places besides my ears.

Embarrassment

[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something.
[x] I’ve laughed ’til some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[] I’ve had my pants rip in public.

Health

[] I’ve gotten stitches.
[] Broken a bone.
[] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[x] I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
[] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[] I’ve had serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling

[x] I’ve driven / ridden over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I’ve been on a plane.
[] I’ve been to Canada.
[] I’ve been to Cuba.
[] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[] I’ve been to Ottawa.
[] I’ve gone to Sudbury.
[] I’ve been to the Caribbean.
[] I’ve been to Europe.
[] I’ve been to Florida.

Experiences

[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[x] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[x] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] I’ve been to a casino.
[] I’ve been skydiving.
[x] I’ve gone skinny-dipping.
[x] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I’ve crashed a car.
[] I’ve been skiing.
[x] I’ve been in a musical.
[] I’ve caught a snowflake or snow on my tongue.
[] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
[x] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Relationships

[x] I’m single.
[] I’m in a relationship.
[] I’ve gotten divorced.
[] I don’t believe in love

Honesty / Crime

[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[x] I’ve snuck out.
[x] I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[] I’ve been arrested.

Death and Suicide

[x] I’m afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[x] I’ve seen someone / something dying.
[] Someone close to me has attempted / committed suicide.
[] I’ve planned my own suicide before.
[] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism

[x] I own over 5 rap CD’s.
[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime / manga.
[] I own something from Pac Sun.
[] I collected comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on E-Bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie

Random

[x] I can sing well.
[] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily
[x] I watch the news.
[x] Don’t kill bugs/don’t like to
[x] I sing in the shower.
[] I am a morning person.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[x] I care about grammar.
[] I love spam.
[] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
[] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. - maybe in year 7 and 8 but not since then
[x] I laugh at my own jokes
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[] I like white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I’m good at remembering faces.
[x] I’m good at remembering names.
[] I’m good at remembering dates.
[] I honestly have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] All my answers were totally honest

PEOPLE -

[x] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[x] call me fat
[] say I’m skinny
[x] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[xxxxxx] spread rumors about me
[xxxx] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic

FAMILY -

[] I’ve run away from home.
[] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[] I’ve had children.
[] I’ve lost a child.

RELATIONSHIPS -

[x] I’m single
[] I’m in a relationship.
[] I’m engaged.
[] I’m married.
[x] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY -

[] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[] I am a cuddler.
[] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger.

BAD TIMES -

[] I’ve consumed alcohol more than once
[] I regularly drink.
[x] I can’t swallow pills.
[] I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying
[x] I’ve lost weight
[x] I’ve gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[] I’m at my thinnest
[x] I’m at my biggest
[] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I’ve skipped a meal
[x] I’ve thrown food away
[x] I’ve spat food out
[x] I’ve taken diet pills
[] I’ve used laxatives
[] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise
[] I exercise so I can eat
[] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[] I exercise to counteract eating
[] I’ve fainted from exhaustion

I’VE DONE -

[] Weed
[] Cigarettes
[x] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[] Anti-depressants
[] Ecstasy
[] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[] Speed
[] Cocaine
[] Other
[] I keep my eating habits a secret
[] I have a diet blog
[] I look at thinspo
[] I collect thinspo
[xx] I’m doing this for me
[] I’m doing this for someone
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself.

I read them crumbled and broken,

yet here I am, stronger than before. Reading it had been a pleasure, a definite life changing moment. I always think........ I have to be with someone I loved in need to achieve happiness. But the book show me otherwise. Of course the plot is readable, I've been familiar with Nicholas Sparks. There's always a third person, the burning love, the rustic house, the sweet little girl and the wild uncontrollable rebel guy. But there's nothing I look forward to everyday other than slipping a minute or two reading the wild romance novel.

I grow up in pages of books, any kind of book. I had a pass of the Ministry of Education's library (closed now, sadly) and I used to go there and spend hours, drawing any emotion in any books I read. Aside from the early maturity, the over exposé of romance build me to the person I am now. I may be wondering now, why it  isn't working out. Why I always making mistakes and screwing the trust of people I love. Why I break it off, why it's so hard to let go. And the book opened my eye.

You should read it for yourself. But I'm pissed off because what's happening in the book is not the usual way I lived my life. I like things to go just like I imagined them. I'd like John and Savannah to be together, forever, sticking into each other relationship. Fuck Tim, he's presence in the novel is zero. I'd like John dad to be immortal, don't led the old man to death, I'd like him to see the happiness in John's eyes when he grab Savannah's hand in the wedding. I dreamt of the perfect ending, Tim's dead and they can be together. But the fact they don't skip my heart a beat. And the irony of the ending. Sharing a beautiful moment, not even a mile apart but still knowing you have no chance of sharing the beautiful moment together... I cannot live with that and I knew it. The problem is I can't handle life good. And sometimes, life needs to be disappointing in order for us to grow up and move on and fix things.

P.S. I believe god put me in this moment. I never had the urge to read something this big, not knowing the thing I read applies to current situation now.

Quick Trip

to Bandung. I went to Bandung for approx 19 hours. I arrived at 23:00-ish..... And leaving in the next day on 18:00. Oh, why it has to be 19? I didn't take much picture cos Mother has been regardless with my SLR. The only purpose to go to Bandung because I've been very curious with Trans Studio Bandung. And I'm telling you, with VIP Access I had to wait 20-50 minutes in every ride so I only took Negeri Raksasa, which is the mini version of Hysteria in Dufan, climb the Kong Climb and rode Skyride Zeppelin. YES. ONLY THREE. It's so crowded and I should've think twice going there. After the very rowdy visit, I ask Mother to buy me some perfume cos I've been lacking personal scent :p I cannot chose between J.Lo Glow (my daily scent since I was year 5) or Daisy Marc Jacobs. Since Mother love the scent of both, I get to buy both hahahahaha >:D I'm so sneaky with my parents, you should know. Not sneaky as in naughty, but sneaky sneaky. I took some webcam picture but I'm only willing to show you one

;)

And for the person who's been texting me lately.............. Stop doing what you're attempting to do.

Bapak said, "You need to upgrade your style, less kiddies more grownup"

And I was like, SERIOUSLY. So I start sorting my clothes and throwing the unmature tees and everything. I start my mature collection by buying a dress by Petite Cupcakes on TheGoodsDept. I explained the thing to my mother and she said "Yeah, you kinda dress like a baby" and I was like..... "Mum!!!!! You have something wrong someplace there". I bet she didn't wanna let go her baby she got 15 years ago. So she dressed me this way. Anyway, I want to change my look so much, looking up to Serena van der Woodsen. She's such an inspiration.
 

And I hope I'll get a bestfriend so soon at Bina Insani, and looking through universities brochures like them,

Photo Courtesy to Tumblr

But baby it's cold outside,

July 4th!!!! Happy birthday to the USA, and Happy breakup to me,

and yes, I finally said the breakup words and I feel relieved. I ask him if I and him can casually be friends and he said yes! Hahahaha I feel much more "Aah... Thank you". Losing a boyfriend was fine but losing a guy like him, as a friend is such a (-) for me. I used to be very much emotional about breakups but this time I handle them just fine. Several hours after the breakup, we texted a bit about the reason, and we decided to go along as friends:) I'm liking the idea. Though it's still unclear, I'm still mad over the girl behind the secondary reason. Watch over girl, I'm the crazy bitch around here.

I've been downloading songs, and I had been a fan of the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside" and I pretty much downloaded a different version of singer. And I downloaded a few holiday songs like 'All I Want for Christmas is You" and "Last Christmas". I found these tunes very jolly and soothing in different ways.

I embed you a song, it's Maroon5 and Lady Antebellum. Two love burst into one. It's kinda my breakup song..... Never asked you to change, but sadly you don't feel the same about me.

P.S. I HAVEN'T FINISHED DEAR JOHN. I'm screwed

I found this a little bit ironic,

But the fact that it's true changed my mind

Official Farewell Party

I'm so happy I could join in!!!!!! We had so much fun and seriously, I pity those who cannot join in. We manage to pull some pranks to Alsa, Vega, Noni and Nancy hahahaha. At day two we went to the river again and I wet my pants... WITH WATER THERE. People said a picture worth a thousand words, I'll post some pictures and captions (So it'll be some thousand words and some few words to sum up your examination)

Uno cards: day one.

Walking through rice fields. Fika fell down 4 times.

Played at the local river. But we got rained out. Camera's not waterproof so I can't capt something.

BBQ-ing corns and chicken. I don't capt the chicken bbq-ing session coz I was crying-_-

Pit fire session but it was cheesy.

Last photo. I was cutted by the one who took it-_- I'm in the very left.

It was so much fun, I'd do it all over again..... Minus the tears, plus extra shorts coz I hate wearing pants for sleeping.

And below is my favorite picture through the days,

because I look so happy, when I just finished crying. Plus I'm with Rais, who's been very nice and SARCASTIC at the same time during year nine. Oh, you'll realized it's not that many of me in the pictures because a) I hate being photographed by another person other than a photographer or my mum or my bffs b) I'm the man *or woman behind the camera and c) I was cutted in the last photo session.

Pictures are taken with Canon EOS 1000D with standard 18-55 mm lens. And yes, I'm kinda keen on photography:)

P.S. (I always have a P.S., you know) I'm so bummed Meivy is not there accompanying by my side.