Lights

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'Breathing you in when I want you out' starts to really make sense nowadays. Shadows of you is coming back and truthfully, I hate that. I hate that I start chasing you down and doing things I wasn't supposed to do and no, it's not that I hate hurting myself, I hate the pain source. If I am not a masochist of my own pain, I don't know what I am. Truth is, I like hurting my self. Continuous torturing of realising that you'll always be the pieces I didn't need but I always have. That I will never get rid of you. That the show must go on, that I sleep just fine and I eat just fine and I sip my coffee just fine but it's amazing when you're around. I hate that I'm running down to your exact path and I have no idea to dodge the fact that I am a failure throughout the year and nothing can change that. I hate that you're a part of it too when you can be the one that saves me. 'Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving'. And for the dozens time I will say nothing to questions of you, about you or concerning and regarding you because I don't want to care. Moving on on life is easy when you've done it several times but it's the cleaning up that's gonna get you exhausted. For some reason I chose not to clean up and left it all hanging there but that's a place I kept finding myself returning to. Shadows of nothingness because where love is lost your ghost is found. Every time I tried to remember, I remember nothing but long, tiring, useless conversation and somehow all the bitter things have gone. And then I remember that it has been nothing but bitter things all along and it's back to ground zero. That I hate you, that I want you gone, that I wish I had never met you in my life. To kill you means one thing and one thing only; shadows are killed with lights.