Settling for less

I know I missed February updates... Time just flies easily when you're having fun. This post however, is not your usual walk in the park.

I tried sleeping but it doesn't help. You know when they say "if you can sleep on it, it's not a problem, everything will turn out fine."

Not this one. This is me being really really unhappy.

At first I don't want to let this out in text. I want to leave no track, no history of me ever telling someone about this. I want to talk it out in person... But no one was available. So, might as well fill this empty space without naming names, conditions, real life situations, personal pronouns or anything that will giveaway a clue whatsoever.

Lets just say you're in a relationship with someone you really care about. Whether it is your friend, or your boy/girlfriend, whatever. You think know everything that is to know about this person, but you were wrong. What you knew it is only one millionth of it, and you found out another side of this person that completely blew your mind, with it being 100% different on this person brand image (ugh) (so sorry for technical terms) (it's quiz period guise).

It's like a huge slap in the face, is it?

For me, it's more like a huge betrayal, stabs-in-the-face kind of feelings. No longer a slap... It's actually stabs. There's also a bit of humiliation. No idea why. I'm just so ashamed.

I can never see this person the same again. I feel like talking to this person, like... Ugh. Can't think about the word. This bothers me so. much. But it is so scary too because I'm not supposed to know that this person is not like the person that I know. Slick.

SO COMPLICATED URGH.

I'm almost 20 yet I still have troubles communicating how I feel. I think this is why our generation makes up almost 40% of world's unemployment. Communicating problems. Just like a dozen billion breakups via text that our generation is so keen about. Ten more lines and I will turn this rant post to an essay.

That's it, I guess? I kinda have no one to talk to lately, and I have a lot of things that are left unsaid. Apparently, having no expectation still kills you. Might as well expect and get sad.

I don't know. I'm just disappointed.

(You kinda have to agree that I'm a better writer when I'm upset. I'm so weird when I'm happy. I'm a total dork when I'm happy.)