Rocket high

I think the only disadvantage of being sky high confident is that you can hit the ground pretty quickly.

Well, I guess that happened to me a lot.

So I joined a competition at LBPP-LIA. It's about presentation. I mean... Sure, I speak good english. Nothing to be proud of in this subject. But sometimes anxiety eats me and I started to do something reaaallyyy impulsive. E.g. Talking like I'm being chased by greyhounds. Like, did you get me because that should've not happened because kids, that was crazy fast. So... Yeah. When you're basically judged by not just the ability of speaking English fluently but how well you do it in front of an audience and a set of judge... I'm kinda lol i'm so dead no one would understand me.

So I took deep breaths and started to build my presentation. From powerpoint. #geekchic. I was torn by two subjects, Homeschooling or Young and Inspiring Indonesians. 

I thought that they would be a number of Y&II titles going on, so having a Homeschooling and a controversial title (Why It Won't Work in Indonesia) was a great option for me. After talking with my friends, my Mom, my sidekick, I decided to choose the Y&II, with Stella Lowis as subject. I KNOW. It was so easy. She is so young and inspiring, but being based in Medan, she's not that well-known here. I shot her an email asking about the permission. I mean... If someone used my photo or my creation photo, or talking about me in a formal audience, it would've been nicer if I had known about it. 

She gave a thumb up and I'm just... Through the roof. With Vicetone's Tremble in the background.

I started collaging pictures, made the presentation. It was fun. I made cue cards, with cute fonts. I was nowhere near nervous, though I'm shaking a bit. If there are, like, 50 people joining, I'd be carefree as I can be. If I lost, I could've easily say crap like "There were a lot of people and they're so much better. This is not my time to win." and things. But fate skips my luck and decide that there's only fourteen people joining. Fourteen. That's like, a literal slather of embarassment if you didn't win. My ego was tingling and so did my nerve.

Ughhhh the pressure is so on. Ok. I'm not even thinking that winning is important. What's more important is presenting Ci Stella in the best possible way, and if it's not good enough, it's not good enough.

OMG WHAT IF IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

Being an enthustiastic contestant as always, I re-register first. First, like first first. I thought they will shuffle the numbers BUT NO. I am first.

Ok. Can't show them I'm nervous. You got nothing to lose and it's fineeeeee.

I went my fingers through my hair, reread my cue cards. Checked my shoes, smoothed my dress, putting my power blazer on, and the judges called a very familiar name aka MINE. I took the floor, and though there were glitches... It went fine. The questions I were expecting didn't popped up and they even asked about me. I guess that means I'm presenting Ci Stella fine? I don't know. I just don't know. 

I spent the next hour listening to the others' presentation and just... "Man it's a bunch of talent sitting here and presenting on panel." Almost everyone connected and have their own accents. At that point, my confidence hit rock bottom and I think a mini part of me gave up.

After the first round is completed, I decided to went home to study for midterms aka this week and just wait for the result from Maas.

I can't say I did perfect. I kinda wish I did sooo much better because I know I'm able to do that. Overall, I'm pretty satisfied with the result. It's just another lesson to learn from:)