This is not going to work.

Sometimes I just don't know why I developed things that just don't belong. Like this. It's obvious that it's impossible to heaven and back, it's not something that can just happen nor does it is a miracle.

I guess feelings are just flames and we are the person with a bucket of water in one hand, and another  with huge shit to dump in, just to make the flame bigger. My mood is a freaking swing and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Not working much? Yeah.

But in better days, I hopelessly enjoy being in love. It's that building of anticipation, the way I can feel my cheek blushes, the heart throb and the shaky hands and jelly knees and things. It's that automatic pull of your smiling muscles and suddenly you're grinning ear to ear over a beep on your phone. The one that says 'Haha'. It's something to look forward to everyday. "I wish he had seen that stupid ad!" "HILARIOUS! God, I wish he's here to enjoy it with me." or that stupid hope that somehow he'd be standing in front of the bookshelves in Aksara or grocery shopping in Farmers, when I know very well he didn't go to those places. The other reasons I go to those places.

He's a distraction and a stupid choice to fall in love with. 

At least I'd remember myself turning seventeen in a good way: Being in love. Or shall I say... Drunk on love?

P.S. Yeah, being in love doesn't help me with the writings. I guess falling in love makes you stupider.

P.P.S. Four days to go, man. Four.